Springtime in Iraq is on its way out the door, and the most obvious indicator that summer is right around the corner – aside from that world-famous sweltering heat, which thankfully hasn’t reached its peak yet – is the constant onslaught of bugs.

Texas is home to its fair share of six- and eight-legged critters, winged nuisances and a plethora of various other pests that seemingly hang around all year to ruin our outdoor barbecues, birthday parties and trips to the park. The pint-sized insects of Iraq can’t even compare to some of the Lone Star State’s gargantuan, under-the-refrigerator residents, but in terms of pure swarm concentration, this place is unmatched.

For about the last month now, my co-workers and I have been locked in battle with a never-ending army of flies that somehow find their way to our office every day. We have foregone the use of spray-can poisons and useless flypaper, preferring to dispatch the buzzing intruders with calm, samurai-quick slashes from a $1 pink flyswatter, the most used and most effective weapon in our arsenal.

We keep count of the kills. The ritual is equal parts annoying and cathartic.

The flies aren’t exclusive to areas of excessive filth or stench like garbage cans, portable toilets or stagnant ponds, either. They’re everywhere – by the basketball courts, in the barber shop, along the two-mile run course, around my laptop comp— knock it off! Stupid fly ...

Much smaller but infinitely more irritating than the fly is the gnat, thousands of which linger all over this post at eye level in thick, cloudy groups and end up in your ears and nose if you’re unfortunate enough to unknowingly walk through a swarm of them without realizing your mistake until it’s too late. Another one of the gnat’s favorite hangouts is the common bathroom sink. I tell you, there’s nothing that will spoil your morning quicker than waking up to brush your teeth and seeing hundreds of black specks drowned in small puddles around the faucet, like someone sprinkled cracked pepper all over the place. It negates the very principle of hygiene, and that’s not cool.

Mosquitoes, eager to ensure the other bugs aren’t cutting in on their action too much, hunt our arms, legs and necks with the same fervent blood lust as they do stateside. These guys own the night, stalking us as we take a load of laundry to be washed, go to the gym or sit outside to jam on acoustic guitars and shoot the breeze. They’re aggressive, too.

Insect repellent is a valuable and necessary commodity here. Your best bet before leaving your room in the morning is to spray down your uniform completely the night before and let it soak in. Dealing with the sickly-sweet smell of bug spray all day is a small price to pay for the connect-the-dots-like maze of red bites and bumps you’ll avoid later on.