Loose Gravel

Gavin,
How do I politely tell my parents to stop trying to run my life?  I mean, I know they're wise and all but do they have to be experts at everything?  Please advise.

Thanks,
Exasperated in Denver


Dear Exasperated,
I'd venture to guess that when you were 12 years old and listening to your mother lecture you about a transgression, you thought, "I can't wait until I'm adult and I don't have to listen to this anymore!"

Well, here you are: An adult. And a lot of good it's doing you, eh? It's time to put on your big-boy pants. It's time to make a boundary. Let me assure you: It's OK. You won't hurt them long-term. At your next opportunity you might tell them, "I love you as my parents, but when you give me unsolicited advice I feel frustrated and angry. Next time please ask me if I would like direction or advice before you provide it to me."

It's best to consider this a long-term project rather than behavior that will right itself overnight. Next time one of your parents is giving a strong suggestion or criticism, take a moment of introspection and check how old you feel. In case your response to your parent is, "Stop hassling me!" or a similar childlike reaction, it's officially time to start thinking like an adult. For example, you can alternatively try to remember that you are old enough to buy beer and cigarettes without a fake ID now, and then respond as one of their peers might. It's also helpful to look at your own reliance on them. Do you ask them for money or need them to bail you out from time to time? That's what kids do, not adults. You have to be a big boy to be treated like one.

~Gavin

Please ask me any questions you might have about handling social or family situations. How do I get rid of a house guest? My mother keeps talking to me in baby talk...what do I do? That sort of thing. In the meantime, I'll fill this space with what's churning through my television.
My wife picks up shifts sometimes on nights and weekends, and so I occasionally watch the boy by myself. For those of you fellas who perform similar duties from time to time, be careful not to call this "babysitting." So far, I've been too smart to make this mistake, but I've heard of it happening and I would not recommend it. To be certain, babysitting is care of children by non-parents, not non-mothers. Watch your step.

So I have care of the boy tonight and I can hear him crying from his crib right this moment. He's learning to put himself back to sleep now when he wakes up, so this is progress. Jenny and I have been strengthening our backs over the past 7 months holding him and rocking back to full sleep after he awakens prematurely, and we've decided that he needs to do some of the work for himself. WAIT: He just stopped crying. Victory. I can get used to this. So now I have a few precious hours of television.

NFL Network, Live Wire is on right now with a bit about Marty Schottenheimer. My last memory of Marty was more like a feeling...feeling that he got screwed out of a job by San Diego know-it-all AJ Smith, who, in his brilliance, replaced him with ne'er-do-well Norv Turner. If you are going to fire a guy who has been successful, at least replace him with somebody who has done better. At this point, I believe it's clear that Norv wasn't a big upgrade. That's all I'm saying.

English Soccer League: Whoops! Wrong direction. Thank goodness I don't get that channel.

VH1, The Temptations. Biopic. I don't do biopics. Even the good ones are hard for me. I didn't see Ray, though I've heard from many that it was good. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story was pretty funny, though. Where is Charm School when you need it?

CMT, Hulk Hogan Celebrity Wrestling. Ouch, though only theatrically. I wasn't aware of this show until just this moment. Another CMT reality dud. It looks really, really bad. A handy rule of thumb is to not watch any shows with washed up, overweight ex-wrestlers. That's some free advise for you.

Comedy Central, Larry the Cable Guy-Morning. Some of you may believe Larry the Cable Guy is a tired routine. You would be right, but I still like him in small doses. But if you think Larry is unattractive, please don't look at his audience. Camera pans through the crowd of this live performance remind one of plaster of Paris: Pasty-white and lumpy.

I think I'm just going to turn the set off and set my fantasy football roster. Have a nice Saturday night.

I'm reclined on the red couch in the living room of my home in Portland, Oregon. It's 11:28 pm. I hear Dr. Harvey Karp's Soothing Sounds CD playing "Moderate" over and over again in my 7 month-old's nursery. He isn't in his crib, but instead he lies next to his mother in our bedroom nursing.