How To Be A Big Boy
Gavin,
How do I politely tell my parents to stop trying to run my life? I mean, I know they're wise and all but do they have to be experts at everything? Please advise.
Thanks,
Exasperated in Denver
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Dear Exasperated,
I'd venture to guess that when you were 12 years old and listening to your mother lecture you about a transgression, you thought, "I can't wait until I'm adult and I don't have to listen to this anymore!"
Well, here you are: An adult. And a lot of good it's doing you, eh? It's time to put on your big-boy pants. It's time to make a boundary. Let me assure you: It's OK. You won't hurt them long-term. At your next opportunity you might tell them, "I love you as my parents, but when you give me unsolicited advice I feel frustrated and angry. Next time please ask me if I would like direction or advice before you provide it to me."
It's best to consider this a long-term project rather than behavior that will right itself overnight. Next time one of your parents is giving a strong suggestion or criticism, take a moment of introspection and check how old you feel. In case your response to your parent is, "Stop hassling me!" or a similar childlike reaction, it's officially time to start thinking like an adult. For example, you can alternatively try to remember that you are old enough to buy beer and cigarettes without a fake ID now, and then respond as one of their peers might. It's also helpful to look at your own reliance on them. Do you ask them for money or need them to bail you out from time to time? That's what kids do, not adults. You have to be a big boy to be treated like one.
~Gavin
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