December 2009 Posts


Gross Misdiagnosis

I watch a significant amount of television, and a significant portion of the commercials I view are for pharmaceuticals engineered to assist erectile dysfunction. I usually just tune them out, but this latest one really cracked me up: 


Man walks down the sidewalk, and suddenly his reflection talks back to him: "So, headed to the doctor?"

I can't think of a more appropriate question coming from a hallucination. But then the hallucination starts hassling him about their ED. After encouraging him, "You can do this," he says ok and proceeds. 

The man sees the doctor and after they exchange slow building handshake, we now know the doctor gave the poor man Viagra instead of the antipsychotic he so clearly needed. Maybe the doc chose to ignore the odd way his patient described he problem as "we" rather than "I". And had the doctor asked, "So what brought you in today?", the answer would have been a little too unsettling to prescribe Viagra. If only doc could have seen his patient high five his hallucination in his office window. He might have known something was amiss. 

Then we see him happily go to lunch with his lady. She clearly adores him. Did he tell her about the talk with his doctor? We don't really know. But when he leans back and exchanges confident glances with his magic friend in the window, we know he believes all is well.

Little does he know that in a month or so things are going to take a new turn for the worse. His lady will start catching him talking with his reflection. Then she'll start seeking out his reflection for company. They hit it off because she can see that he is more confident and more encouraging than her real man. Then she starts an affair with the reflection. Then the man returns to the doctor, tells him all about what's happened, and he finally gets put on the medication he really needs. 

And then the doctor tells himself that he should have just asked the guy about talking reflections in the first place. 

Better luck next time, doc.

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Holiday Commercial Vomit

I'm so weary of jewelry commercials in December. There is a new one out with a couple by a window with a storm raging outside. Lightening flashes and it gets dark. She jumps surprised and her handsome man is right there. 

"I'm here. And I always will be. Now, here is some jewelry for you."

She says, "Don't let go. Ever."

Oh, vomit. 

The one that's been running for years is the sign language one. "Hey, my sign language is rusty...blah, blah, blah. Here's some jewelry."

And then she loves him. The formula is the same. Man says something that a woman watching a commercial clearly would love to hear. Then he delivers some sweet jewelry. And then she delivers subtle innuendo that intercourse may come later. 

Hey lady, I'm trying to be romantic. Oooh, I love romantic. Yeah? Well here is your jewelry. Oooh, I love you and jewelry! And so on and so forth.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm officially tired of it. 

And those dumb cars with bows on them. I mean, who gives cars for Christmas, anyway?

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