The Main Event
By Sarah Carlson
February 25, 2007
11:20: SC: Thanks for reading, Insiders. Mom: You let me down by not commenting. Special shout-out to Arthur for posting a comment -- the only person who posted a comment that we don't know. I am now kicking Erin out of my apartment, rejoicing in "The Departed" winning, crying over JHud winning, and looking forward to sleep. We'll be back tomorrow.
11:15: ES: Thanks to everyone who read along. I'm kind of sad my mom didn't post anything, but, hey, that's the way it goes. Check out our picks for the best and worst Oscar moments tomorrow.
11:15: International Tally: East Texas (who knew?): 1. England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 7.
11:14: ES: Awesome. We got it right! Sarah's doing a celebratory dance and randomly yelling "Dignam!"
11:14: "The Departed."
11: 13: Best picture goes to ...
11:13: ES: Jack Nicholson looks like Lex Luthor tonight. And Diane Keaton looks scary. Meaning she looks like Diane Keaton.
11:10: International Tally: East Texas (who knew?): 1. England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 6.
11:08: ES: And he does. It's about time. The standing ovation was well-deserved.
11:07: ES: Best director ... better go to Scorsese.
11:05: International Tally: East Texas (who knew?): 1. England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 5.
11:04: ES: Forest Whitaker wins! Although I always find it sad when an actor has to read from note cards. Oh well.
11:02: ES: If O'Ghoul wins, I will never stop laughing.
10:57: SC: Mirren's "Ladies and gentlemen, the queen!" comment sounded a little too similar to James Cameron's "I'm the king of the world!" comment.
10:57: SC: Foreign man I'm in love with alert: Clive Owen (sitting next to Mirren's happy husband, oh he of the "purely physical" comment).
10:55: International Tally: England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 5.
10:52: ES: The arrival of Philip Seymour Hoffman means time for the best actress Oscar. As if everyone doesn't know who will win. They should change the Oscars to the Mirrens. Even Hoffman sounded more bored than usual when he announced it.
10:47: Inappropriate things Erin has said: "Look at the In Memorium reel, O'Toole; this will be your spot in the ceremony next year."
10:46: SC: You'd think they would cut the montages and memorials when the show runs this long. I mean, I guess I'm sad these people died and all, but ...
10:43: ES: Apparently Scorsese cares who wins for best editing since he's crying. Either that, or he did as badly on his predictions as Sarah and I have.
10:42: International Tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 5.
10:41: ES: Best film editing goes to .... does anyone even care?
10:39: ES: My love for the montage has offically ended. Thanks!
10:36: ES: This is the longest ceremony EVER. It's almost as long as this date I went on a couple years ago with a male nurse who spent the whole day pitching his idea for a screenplay called "Murses." For real. It's not as entertaining as it sounds.
10:30: International Tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 4.
10:29: ES: And the Oscar for best song goes to ... Melissa Etheridge. Wow. And she just thanked Al Gore. He's gotten more shout-outs tonight than God. Impressive.
10:28: ES: Oh, John Travolta. Remember when you attended the Oscars as a nominee instead of Queen Latifah's arm candy? Maybe you should renounce films like "Wild Hogs." Tarantino won't resurrect you twice.
10:22: SC: I'm on my third coke and am in a sort of pizza coma. JHud and Beyonce are fighting it out Diva-style, seeing who can outsing the other with the most overly dramatic hand motions. Is that Jamie Foxx in between them? Who is the man "in the shadows"? These songs suck ...
10:16: ES: Satan decides to do an interpretive dance. You know, just to liven things up.
10:15: International tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 3.
10:14: "Little Miss Sunshine" wins for best original screenplay.
10:09: International tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.
10:08: "Babel" wins for best score.
10:07: SC: Hugh Jackman should sing. And take off his shirt.
10:06: International tally: Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.
10:03: ES: The bad news: I will be nearly as old as Eastwood by the time this ceremony is finished. We still have six major categories to go.
10:00: ES: I know Clint Eastwood starred in spaghetti westerns, but I didn't know he could speak Italian. If movies can be subtitled, why can't this guy be? P.S. He's like the Italian Peter O'Ghoul. Still, a hearty congratulations. You're much, much more deserving than Jennifer Hudson.
9:57: ES: Aaagh ... Celine Dion. I'd rather pour gasoline in my ears and light it than listen to her OVERsinging. The only thing gaudier than her is that giant gold statue in the background.
9:50: Lesbians, Al Gore, diversity: This is what I call the Democratic National Convention. Now I remember why I love Hollywood. Shameless Colbert Shout-Out of the Night: "Good evening, Godless Sodomites ..."
9:49: International tally: Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.
9:48: ES: "An Inconvient Truth" wins. Finally, Al Gore gets to make a victory speech.
9:46: ES: When did the Oscars turn into the Laugh Factory? Thanks, Jerry Seinfeld. What an appropriate intro for the best documentary category.
9:43: International tally: Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.
9:42: S.C.: Foreign man I'm in love with alert: Gael Garcia Bernal.
9:35: SC: Jennifer Hudson won. There are no words. Overrated doesn't quite sum it up. Beyonce looks like she's going to fire her manager (Daddy). At least they played JHud off the stage with cheesy music.
9:32: International tally: Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.
9:31: ES: "The Lives of Others" just won best foreign language film. We still love you, "Pan's Labyrinth." Look, we're not saying all Germans are Nazis ... but history is on our side.
9:28: SC: What I said was that some of these look weird. Wait, I need a comeback.
9:27: ES: Sadly, I have just discovered Sarah has no love for the foreign film. Bigot.
9:25: ES: And another girl crush ... CATHERINE DENEUVE!!! She is awesome. If you haven't already, see "Belle de Jour."
9:23: International tally: Caribbean: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.
9:21: And the award for best visual effects goes to ... Pirates of the Caribbean. Way to class up the ceremony, Academy.
9:20: ES: Nothing like jokes about drug abuse. Especially when they're true. Hats off to ya, Robert Downey Jr,
9:17: International tally: France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.
9:14: ES: Then you should feel bad he's married to that block of ice.
9:13: SC: Back off. She's married to Chris Martin, another foreign man I am in love with.
9:12: ES: Hello. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. I invented macrobiotics and Pilates. I shall now announce the award for best cinematography in one of the 18 languages in which I am fluent.
9:10: ES: Another resident of O'Toole land: Clint Eastwood. I think he's wearing blush. So Un-Dirty Harryish.
9:07: ES: I wonder if Katie enjoys watching the awards from her cage.
9:05: SC: Erin, don't be glib.
9:05: ES: The only thing scarier than O'Ghoul: Tom Cruise.
9:04 p.m.: International tally: France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 2.
9:03: SC: Erin is talking loudly on the phone and eating the rest of my pizza. I am distracted by the pretty costumes. That's about all that's happening.
8:55: ES: 99 statues of gold on the wall ... 99 statues of gold. Take one down, pass it around ... just make sure one finds its way to Scorsese.
8:54: International tally: Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 2.
8:50: ES: Hey, we finally got one right. Victory! WAHLBERG! We love you, even if you didn't win. Wow, and Monaghan just gave O'Ghoul a shout-out. No O'Ghoul. More Wahlberg.
8:49: ES: Best Adapted Screenplay category. Maybe Bruce Vilanch (aka Satan) should take a page from some decent writers. Then celebrities wouldn't look so embarrassed when they read the teleprompter.
8:46: International tally: Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 1
8:44: ES: Best animated film ... “Happy Feet.” Boo.
8:37: SC: Ahhhhhh .... O'Toole!
8:36: ES: What will Al Gore announce tonight? Perhaps that, much like global warming, the constant bloating of his body cannot be stopped. His head looks like a balloon with a face painted on it.
8:24. International tally: Old guy (a nation I like to call “O’Toole land”): 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 1
8:23: Erin is crying over Mark Wahlberg losing, so I'll take this one. Alan Arkin just grabbed the Best Supporting Actor statue for "Little Miss Sunshine," the first award of the night anyone cares about and the first upset. Dignam should have won, but Eddie Murphy still lost, so really, we've all won.
8:21: ES: Rachel Weisz doesn’t make it sound very fun to be a supporting actor. Fingers crossed: Give it to Wahlberg.
8:17. International tally: Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 1
8:16: ES: Best achievement in sound mixing. COME ON. Throw us a bone. At least announce best supporting actress.
8:17: SC: Foreign man I'm in love with alert: James McAvoy.
8:14: International tally: Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 0
8:13: SC: "Apocalypto," all the way.
8:12: ES: Best sound editing. I'm totally rooting for "Blood Diamond." Who are you rooting for, Sarah?
8:10: ES: A musical demonstration of sound effects. Which is much better than hearing a song from "Dreamgirls." Thank you, Academy.
8:02: International tally: West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 0
8:00: ES: Best short film, including a nominee for an Arab version of West Side Story, which looks way cooler than the original one.
7:59: International tally: Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 2. U.S.: 0
7:58: ES: Best animated short film. Has anyone other than Oscar voters even seen these?
7:56: SC: At the sight of Mexico flags being waved, Lou Dobbs turned off his TV with the rest of the "Independent Populists."
7:55: ES: International tally: Mexico: 2. U.S.: 0.
7:54: ES: Best makeup award. Probably not going to Helen Mirren in "The Queen." Let's be honest: The Queen is fugly.
7:50: ES: Look -- Will Ferrell is playing Justin Guarini. And Jack Black ... is playing a giant spaz. Meaning he's playing Jack Black.
7:47: ES: Girl crush alert. MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL!!! If you haven't seen "Secretary," see it immediately. As long as you are over 17.
7:46: International tally thus far: Mexico: 1. U.S.: 0
7:44: ES: Set decoration? Boo. Boring. Wait -- I forgot. This ceremony is 18 hours long. There will be a lot of boring.
7:42: SC: At least JHud took off the Coneheads-inspired gilded bicep warmer.
7:40: ES: Please, someone, give O'Toole a statue before he really does die.
7:38: SC: I miss Jon Stewart.
7:35: ES: I think every Republican just turned their TVs off after a lesbian gave a shout-out to Mexico.
7:34: SC: Velvet suit! Ellen, no. But you do have the hottest girlfriend here, so I guess you can pull it off.
7:32: ES: Did you see O'Toole clap? I think Andrew McCarthy was holding his elbow.
7:30: ES: Did Peter O'Toole die before this? That was like a corpse popping out of a casket. Are we watching the Oscars or "Weeked at Bernie's"?
7:30: SC: AHHHHH! Peter O'Toole just scared the crap out of me.
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Comments
This site does not necessarily agree with comments posted below -- responsibility lies with the relevant reader alone.
Posted by: Arthur on February 25, 2007 9:27 PM
Not too bad of a show so far. But there is a bit of an emulation of "Crash". It got the nation of origin of Penelope Cruz wrong. And then it said that the screenplay of "The Departed" is adapted from the Japanese movie "The Infernos Affair". That firm is Chinese (more specifically, from Hong KONG), not Japanese.
For a ceremony that aims to celebrate diversity, it is especially important to be accurate about nationality and ethnicity.
Posted by: Dan on February 25, 2007 9:30 PM
"Belle de Jour" is a classic. Sometimes I'll just throw mud at a girl to see if she likes the whole fantasy thing. Then again, if she did, that would probably be a bad sign.
Posted by: Jeffrey McCain on February 25, 2007 9:54 PM
Thank goodness for the International Tally. It may very well be the most entertaining thing I have seen tonight.
I'm a Carlson follower,
Jeffrey
Posted by: pats on February 25, 2007 10:12 PM
Meryl looks fabulous....still time for an upset
--- pats
Posted by: Daddy Vegas on February 26, 2007 8:19 AM
Whoa, did you diss 'Happy Feet'? No, no, no -- not on my watch.
I am glad the animated characters didn't go on stage;equally as glad they didn't do a presentation this year. Hey Steele, make them stop showing things/people/animals that are not real.
And O'Toole
Posted by: Wendy on February 26, 2007 6:41 PM
Help! I think I've gone blind, Erin. I can't read your blog. I mean, there are literally no words on the page. I know you always said I would go blind, but this seems awfully selective. Please tell me how to fix this immediately. All the cool kids are reading your blog and I want to too.