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March 30, 2007

Wahlberg Watch 3: He's Unstoppable! Plus: Why Brits Are Better Than Us

mnightshy.jpgOur Favorite Man Ever has signed on to star in director M. Night Shyamalan's next thriller "The Happening," about a family on the run from an apocalyptic threat to humanity slated to open Friday, June 13, 2008. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Wahlberg will play Elliot Moore, the science teacher at the center of the "event," whatever it is. Shyamalan is teaming back up with producers Sam Mercer and Barry Mendel, who produced "The Sixth Sense" and "Unbreakable," and wrote the original screenplay himself. Here's hoping he doesn't cast himself in the lynch-pin role -- spilling his own secrets in an egotastical fashion -- unless of course he's one of the Four Horsemen that Wahlberg hunts, captures, swears at and then shoots. "Are you ready for Armageddon?!" "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe go f*** yourself." M. Night letting Dignam kill him is pretty much the only way he can atone for "Lady in the Water."

becomingjane_175x125.jpgIn other casting news: A cast has been set for "The Best Times of Our Lives," starring Cillian Murphy, Kiera Knightley, Matthew Rhys and ... Lindsay Lohan? Three talented British/Irish actors and ... Lindsay Lohan? According to the Reporter, "the film chronicles the relationships between Welsh poet Dylan Thomas (Rhys), his wife Caitlin (Lohan), his childhood friend Vera Phillips (Knightley) and her eventual husband William Killick (Murphy)." A trip to Wikipedia tells me Thomas was a raging alcoholic, so having Lohan be in any way involved makes sense on that front. But here's my recent beef: The British are kicking our ass in terms of acting -- just look at the Oscars and Golden Globes. So why turn to an American actress when you can find an even better British one? Why cast Anne Hathaway (pictured) as Jane Austen? Why are the three leads in "The Other Boleyn Girl" either American or Australian? I'm being a bit of a hypocrite, seeing as I loved "Bridget Jones's Diary," and maybe this isn't something worth complaining about. But Lindsay Lohan's presence in any film makes me want to avoid it.

I'm going to go back to thinking about Dignam stealing Night's horse and leading a charge against the Antichrist -- maybe Cheney will be available for that role.

Film Review: "The Lookout"

lookout2.jpg It's likely that you've seen Scott Frank's work; it's even more likely that you loved it.

What's less likely, however, is that you knew you were watching a Frank-penned movie. In the land of cinema, writers are often the unsung heroes, crafting blueprints for directors and actors but rarely receiving enough credit for the powerhouse that results.

But the writer of such critically-acclaimed films as "Dead Again," "Get Shorty," "Out of Sight" and "Minority Report" is braving the role of director for the first time with "The Lookout," a noirish thriller that centers around Chris Pratt (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), whose life as a high school all-star crumbles after a tragic accident (which takes place in the film's exquisitely shot opening sequence). Afflicted with a serious brain injury, Chris struggles to remember the sequence of daily events and how to perform simple tasks, finally taking a job as a janitor in a small-town bank nearly two hours from his home.

It's there that he's spotted by Gary Spargo (Matthew Goode), a slick con artist with a trust-me smile, who uses an angel-faced ex-stripper (Isla Fisher) to entice Chris into his band of brothers. Before long, Chris is playing lookout in a planned bank heist, enthralled by Gary's philosophy that "Whoever has the money has the power."

The film is a surprisingly effective thriller, despite its Frankensteinian nature: Try to find a heist movie it doesn't draw from (though considering Frank wrote one of the best in "Out of Sight," he's largely stealing from himself -- and Elmore Leonard.) But in many ways, Frank places less emphasis on words, and lets the film tell its story through atmosphere: Almost no levity is glimpsed after the "The Lookout's" first few minutes, the major arc of its narrative viewed through heavy blankets of snow and shadows (and the fogginess of its main character's perceptions).

The melancholy mood works, as do the small doses of quirkiness provided by Jeff Daniels as Chris's blind roommate, Lewis. He's the film's oracle, blithely spouting truths about Chris and his environment, in-between lovingly verbalized dreams of opening his own diner (called Lou's Your Lunch.)

But "The Lookout's" biggest strength is Gordon-Levitt, who after paying his dues in a string of late-'90s teen flicks, proved his mettle as Brendan in last year's "Brick," a love-it-or-hate-it exercise in modernized pulp. Like Brendan, Gordon-Levitt's Chris is somber and withdrawn, but somehow subtly charismatic in his role as loner. He's a pro at playing wise beyond his years, and as Chris's knowledge of the unfolding events increases, Gordon-Levitt displays his increasing dread masterfully. It's to his credit that in a film as dark as "The Lookout," he keeps us hopeful for a happy ending.

Will Ferrell + Jon Heder + Ice Skates = Love

blades.jpg So may I just say that I couldn't be more excited about this week's film releases, specifically "Blades of Glory," which stars my comedy crush Will Ferrell.

Not everyone is as excited, however -- the film isn't doing great on rottentomatoes.com (though it could be worse). Still, I'm going to declare that 60 percent of the time, Ferrell's comedic genius works every time.

The plot, according to imdb.com: "In 2002, two rival Olympic ice skaters were stripped of their gold medals and permanently banned from men's single competition. Presently, however, they've found a loophole that will allow them to qualify as a pairs team."

Why it will be awesome: Unlike "The Cutting Edge," it's supposed to be funny. Plus, Ferrell is in it. Neato, gang!

Other films opening this week:

THE LOOKOUT
Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Matthew Goode, Jeff Daniels, Isla Fisher
The story: A once promising high school athlete has his life permanently altered after a tragic accident leaves him with a brain injury. He takes a job as a janitor at a bank, where he ultimately finds himself caught up in a planned heist.
Why it's pretty good: See review.

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MEET THE ROBINSONS
Starring the voices of: Angela Bassett, Laurie Metcalf
The story, according to imdb.com: "Lewis is a brilliant inventor who meets mysterious stranger named Wilbur Robinson, whisking Lewis away in a time machine and together they team up to track down Bowler Hat Guy in a showdown that ends with an unexpected twist of fate."
Why it could be good: Early reviews are strong, and breakthroughs in animation should make this one for film buffs to see.

March 29, 2007

Taye Diggs is the Ultimate McDreamy

TayeDiggs.jpgUpdates on the potential "Grey's Anatomy" spin-off, thanks to the L.A. Times:


"Following her recent disastrous romantic misfortunes, Addison (Kate Walsh) travels to Santa Monica to seek advice from her old medical school pals, Naomi (Merrin Dungey) and Jackson (Taye Diggs) whom she believes have it all: a beautiful teenage daughter, a great marriage and a highly successful health cooperative.

Addison quickly learns that Jackson, also a successful TV health guru, has divorced Naomi. During the visit, Addison also meets the rest of the gang at the cooperative: a widowed alternative medicine doctor, a self-doubting therapist, and a male gynecologist who knows little about women, and realizes she is on familiar ground.

Addison concludes that the personal lives of the people around her may be a mess, but professionally they stand out. (Sounds like those crazy interns, right?) So she decides to leave Seattle Grace behind and join the Oceanside Wellness Group team."

As completely uninteresting as watching the goings-on at the Oceanside Wellness Group would be, the show will give us another chance to bask in the glow of Taye Diggs. I'm still not sure how I feel about Addison leaving "Grey's." She's one of the better characters, and the show has already descended so far into the realms of soap opera hell that losing one of its best assets might help do it in for good. But if that happened, would it be so bad?

I've watched the show since it debuted with an engaging half-season, and it's sad to say that what we're treated with now is not what the show set out to be, or could have grown to be. Maybe Kate Walsh will take her talent and make the spin-off something worth watching -- something not like "Grey's." If Diggs sings on the show, I'll die happy. Maybe be could moonlight as a lounge singer? He and Wahlberg could get an act going. Now that would be the best act ever.

Sir Bono McSunglasses

bono.jpg U2 lead singer Bono became a Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire today. I don't know about you, but I don't even think that's a real title. It's like how I used to refer to myself as Her Holiness of the Most Exaulted Hall of Awesomeness. It sounds cool, but carries very little weight in real life.

According to the article, "fellow U2 band members The Edge and Adam Clayton were on hand, along with Bono's wife and four children, to celebrate the laugh-filled ceremony." I'm pretty sure I'd laugh, too, though I usually do when I see a human being who willingly refers to himself as "The Edge" accompanied by a grown man in purple sunglasses. There's just something unseemly about it.

But to prove that the steady stream of accolades heaped on His Highness aren't going to his head, Bono confirmed that, because he is not a British citizen, he will not be allowed to use the title "Sir." But he came up with some equally fascinating alternatives:

"You have permission to call me anything you want except Sir, all right. Lord of lords, your demi-godness, that'll do."

I love U2, and I love saying "I love U2" mostly because it confuses, and somewhat creeps out, the person you're conversing with. But the Bono-mania is out of hand. What's next? A 50-foot Michael Jackson robot? Oh, wait.

Early look at "Grindhouse"

If you want to catch some early reaction to "Grindhouse," check out my college friend Matt Dentler's blog on the event.

Dentler, the producer of the South by Southwest Film Festival, talks about the Austin Film Society's "Grindhouse" event, which took place at Austin's Paramount Theater.

Chris Rock's DNA causes seizures

Apparently, Chris Rock's movies aren't the only things that cause seizures. The comic's ex-girlfriend, Kali Bowyer, with whom he had a relationship in the early '90s, wants Rock to submit DNA to prove he is the father of her 13-year-old son.

The reason? The teen suffers from seizures and doctors need a full medical background to determine the best treatment, according to this article.

The only thing more embarrassing than finding out you unknowingly fathered a child is knowing that your DNA caused him brain damage. Maybe it's the same kind of brain damage that tells you it's a good idea to star in a movie like "I Think I Love My Wife." Or "Down to Earth." Or "Lethal Weapon 4." Based on those choices alone, I think it's safe to say he's the father.

Plus, how can you doubt the credibility of a woman who does interviews with the National Enquirer and tells them this:

Bowyer, who lives in Georgia, told the National Enquirer she met Rock at an L.A. nightclub in the early 90s and slept together for the first time on her 21st birthday.

Yes, I too have stopped writing entries in my diary and go straight to the tabloids these days. But for some reason, they don't want to publish my stories about birthing Pauly Shore's three-headed demon lovechild. Jerks.

Wahlberg Watch 2

WahlbergHeart.jpg I have to preface this entry by admitting that I watched "The Departed" again last night, so perhaps I went searching for Wahlberg news more than it sought me out. But I have a feeling that's how most of my interactions (real and imagined) with Wahlberg will go. But if I ever do actually meet him, maybe I'll tell him how I have a recurring dream about him ... "You know those footies and track suit you wore in 'The Departed?' Well, you weren't wearing them in that dream."

More exciting than that, though, is that Wahlberg and Scorsese are reteaming to create a new series for HBO, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The series will focus on Atlantic City's growth from "sleepy seaside town to entertainment and gambling mecca." The bad news? For now, it appears Dignam will remain behind-the-scenes as an executive producer, along with Scorsese and his fellow "Entourage" exec producer Stephen Levinson.

Ah well. No doubt there's always a chance for a cameo. Maybe he can play the Sexiest. Lounge Singer. Ever. Think about it, Wahlberg.


"Lost": The Tangled Webs We Weave

lost.jpgEither the "Lost" creators think we're stupid, want to teach us a "Twilight Zone"-ish moral lesson, or both. Last night's episode, "Exposé," focused on the new additions to the cast, Nikki and Paulo, at times playing on the fact that they were added this season and no one knows who they are, while at other times going to great lengths to build them into the first few seasons. A little digression from the main plot is fine, but not after last week's episode. Instead of the great character development and action we were treated with in "The Man From Tallahassee," last night we got another glimpse into "Lost's" identity crisis and my love-hate relationship with the show's writers.

The opening sequence might be my favorite of the entire series, simply because it was insane: We see Nikki burying something in the jungle before she heads off running, then it cuts to a flashback where she's dancing at a strip club. She's actually filming a TV show, "Exposé," in Sydney along with Lando Calrissian that played out almost like a porn, but probably not as entertaining. Her guest-acting stint on the show was over, but her relationship with her Creepy Older Director wasn't.

Flash back to present: She stumbles onto the beach in front of Hurley and Sawyer after running through the jungle, mumbles something and collapses. Sawyer's about to go get help until Hurley stopped him with "Dude, Nikki's dead," to which our favorite Southerner replied, "Who the hell is Nikki?"

Good question. To the chagrin of fans everywhere, Nikki and Paulo were introduced this season as the castaways who had always been there, you just hadn't noticed them, stop asking questions. For this episode, they actually went back and reshot the opening beach scene when the plane first crashed to get Nikki and Paulo in the shots. Although this provided a great opportunity to see Shannon and Boone (may they rest in peace) in wigs and the science teacher I forgot was even on the show reprise they're now-deceased characters, I couldn't help but feel insulted. I'll play along with polar bears and Smoke Monsters, but not with the notion that Nikki and Paulo had been there from the start.

I really started to feel cheated, though, when Paulo turned up dead as well.

I can't find an easy way to provide a run-down of the events this late at night, so bear with me.

Past: Nikki was only pretending to love Creepy Older Director to get at the diamonds he kept locked in his safe. Paulo was her accomplice in his murder, and they were leaving Australia with the loot until the fate of Oceanic Flight 815 hampered their plans. The bag carrying the diamonds -- and Paulo's much-needed nicotine gum -- was lost amongst the wreckage, but Paulo eventually found it and kept the diamonds hidden from Nikki. (They worked them into several plot points from the seasons that aren't worth detailing, although Science Teacher Guy did get another chance to shine in a scene where he showed Nikki the creatures he'd collected on the island, including a dangerous spider.)

Present: Now that Nikki and Paulo are corpses, the real castaways are trying to figure out how they died. Poison? Virus? Monster? Others? What did Nikki mumble, anyway? Hurley guesses "Paulo lies." Sawyer acts like he doesn't know anything about their deaths and leaves to do a "perimeter sweep" of the island, but Desmond tells Hurley he heard Nikki arguing with Sawyer just that morning about wanting a gun. Sawyer then confesses that, after they had noticed dead Nikki had dirt under her fingernails, he assumed she had buried something, went looking near where Paulo's body had been and found the diamonds.

Past, that morning: After talking with Nikki, Paulo heads off to get them breakfast, but leaves behind a devastating clue: a packet of nicotine gum. Nikki knows he must have found the bag after all and, wanting the diamonds and to teach Paulo a lesson, she goes to Sawyer for a gun. He won't help, so she leads Paulo into the jungle and confronts him about the diamonds. When he won't hand them over, she opens up a jar containing Science Teacher Guy's spiders and throws one on him. It's not deadly; it paralyzes its victim for about 8 hours, making it difficult for even a doctor to detect a heartbeat. It also has powerful pheromones, as Science Teacher told us in the flashback, and draws male spiders to her immediately. As Nikki watches Paulo stiffen and cry, finding a little too much comfort in his torment, she's bitten by one of the attracted spiders. She only has time to hastily bury the diamonds and make it to the beach in time to collapse. Her mumbled words? "Paralyzed."

Present: Nikki and Paulo are now in a grave, with the castaways saying a few last words and Sawyer sprinkling the diamonds in with the sand. The timing of the flashbacks was actually more dramatic than laid out here, and it's really as they're about to be buried that we learn they aren't dead, just paralyzed. But as Sawyer, Charlie and Hurley start shoveling sand, they're about to wake up; Nikki's eyes pop open just before sand hits her face. The next thing you know, the grave has been filled and Sawyer and crew are walking away, leaving the deceitful lovers buried alive. The end.

Although I'm happy to see such filler characters killed off -- but what a gruesome, disturbing way to do it -- this isn't the time for "Lost" to have such filler episodes. If the point was to show that you should think twice before killing someone over $8 million worth of diamonds, then lesson learned -- do it yourself, partners get in the way. But after you drop such a bomb with Locke's dad showing up on the island last week, how can you expect me to care about characters you didn't even care enough about to keep alive?

Nikki and Paulo were their own downfall, each so focused on coming out ahead that they forgot the bigger picture: a) Diamonds are worthless on a desert island, and b) $4 million each ain't a bad way to live. "Lost's" writers could learn from their filler characters: a) The show is losing viewers by the week, and b) We want answers that progress the plot. If they don't start seeing the bigger picture, well, you see where this is going.

March 28, 2007

The Molestobot 3000

Imagine the scariest thing ever. Then imagine being stuck in the desert with a gigantic Michael Jackson robot. That's totally worse, right!

jackson.jpg Yes, it's true. In his continuing quest for the title of world's craziest, uh, thing, the rotting mound of flesh that calls itself Michael Jackson wants to erect a 50-foot robotic replica of himself in Las Vegas, meaning Tokyo will no longer boast the world's most terrifying robotic monster. I think it's time for a death match between Godzilla and Godcomplexzilla. But I highly suggest that Godzilla leave his children at home during the battle. You know, just in case.

If Las Vegas has any love for its tourists, it will abort. ABORT, I say! Can you imagine flying to Vegas, and the first thing you see as you look out the window is a giant robot shooting lasers at you? Forget for a minute that it's a Michael Jackson robot ... even if it was a Mark Wahlbot, I would say, "No good, friends. Let's rethink this." Plus, from where, exactly, will the lasers shoot? That wasn't mentioned, and I think it's something we should contemplate before unsuspecting gamblers get a laser beam to the head courtesy of the Molestobot's less savory parts. I'm just saying.

GEEK-OUT TIME: "Harry Potter" Edition

Cover.jpgScholastic released the cover art for "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" today. Arthur Levine, the U.S. "Potter" editor, said this morning on the "Today Show" that he "sobbed and sobbed" while reading it, describing "Hallows" as a "very, very emotional book." In other "Harry" news, Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint have all signed on to the final two films in the series.

I'm way too big of a fan to provide any snarky commentary at this point in time.

[But I'm not. Judging by the cover art, maybe the book should be retitled "Harry Potter and the Thriller Video Redux." That guy on the left totally looks like MJ, and they kind of seem like they're doing that weird zombie dance (you know, when MJ turns around and his eyes are glowing and then they all dance in unison?) Maybe a zombie will punch Harry in the face and break his glasses. That's pretty much the worst thing you can do to a guy with glasses, wizard or no. -- ES]

[Addition: After hearing news of the Michael Jackson robot, I'd like to amend the above statement by saying that the folks on the book cover are most likely trying to shoo the Molestobot away after it accidentally hopped an airliner from Vegas to wherever "Harry Potter" takes place -- ES}

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Winslet, DiCaprio to reunite sans the terrifying presence of James Cameron

titanic.jpg According to Variety, "Titanic" co-stars Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio will reunite for Dreamworks' upcoming film "Revolutionary Road," directed by Winslet's hubby Sam Mendes, who also directed "American Beauty" (applaud if you loved it. Grimace if you hated it. I'll play Switzerland here.).

The movie will be based on Richard Yates' 1961 novel, which according to the mag, is "about post-war disillusionment seen through the eyes of a suburban couple raising two children in the mid-1950s who find their true desires obstructed by pressure to conform." So it's a comedy.

Since her husband is directing the movie, I'm guessing Winslet will escape the taunting piled on by Cameron, who supposedly took to calling her "Kate Weighs-a-lot." Unless, of course, he enjoys sleeping on the futon. Which maybe he does, since that 120-pound whale takes up so much of the bed. Geez.

Rehab is for lovers

luck.jpg According to Hollywood.com (a bastion of truthiness, no doubt), world-champion tequila shootist Lindsay Lohan has hit the streets (no, not like that) with fellow rehabber Robbie Williams (he of "Take That" fame.)

The twosome's reps have gone to great pains to say Lohan and Williams are not a couple, which probably means that they are. I don't really care about either of them, except to say they should break off their "relationship" immediately. Because I for one drink much, much less when I'm not in a relationship, for three very important reasons:

1. Less annoyances.
2. I don't have anyone to impress.
3. I'm too cheap to buy liquor for myself.

So if they really are in recovery, it's best to go their separate ways. And really, it might just be best for Williams in the long run. Let's be honest.

John Travolta says gross things to Elizabeth Taylor

Copy of taylor.jpg There was a time, long ago, when Liz Taylor was considered a screen siren, and not a siren in the way she is now, where alarms go off when she enters a room imploring those inside to cover their eyes.

No, back in her "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" days she was quite a catch, and even more of a release, if her numerous marriages are any indication.

Perhaps her once alluring youthfulness -- which had dulled by the time she assumed the role of screechy Martha in Edward Albee's masterful "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" and was long-since forgotten by the time she felt compelled to do a cameo in "The Flinstones" movie (I know, it's sad) -- is the reason John Travolta felt it was OK to deliver this icky anecdote to MSN.com. Or maybe a Scientology alien, disguised as Kirstie Alley, told him it would be a good idea. Who knows? Either way, it kinda grossed me out, which is why I decided I should share it with others, thereby ruining their days, too (you're welcome, readers!):

travolta.jpg "Travolta also revealed that he once had fantasies about Elizabeth Taylor — fantasies he shared with the screen siren when they met in the late 1970s.
“I told her I had a recurring dream, which was true," Travolta relates. “I said: ‘You know that white dress you wore in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof? Well, you weren’t wearing it in that dream.’”
Taylor, he says, shot back, “Well, I’m not wearing anything under this right now.”
Travolta says he now regrets not taking advantage of the moment. “I was 21,” he explains. “Yikes.”

Yikes, indeed. The only thing scarier than "Battlefield Earth" is imagining Elizabeth Taylor flashing John Travolta. And then imagining the crazy grin he would likely sport, accentuated by that weird dot on his chin. And then imagining L. Ron Hubbard rising from his grave to deliver a thumbs up before his alien henchmen take him back to heaven -- or wherever Scientologists spend their afterlives -- on a chariot made of chocolate-covered strawberries and Lemonheads.


Paulina Whats-her-name-a booted off "Dancing"

Sad fact of the day: "Dancing with the Stars" is rated second only to "American Idol" in terms of popularity with television audiences. Which is kind of like saying, "Hey, you're runner up to a big pile of poo. Congrats."

TV DANCING WITH STARS.jpg
I have to admit, I successfully avoided both "Idol" and "Dancing" until this season. Actually, I'm still avoiding "Idol" -- perhaps not like the plague, but more like a really terrible television show I have no interest in watching -- but the B-list allure of "Dancing" has caught my attention, in that same sort of guilt-ridden way the Oxygen network's French-Canadian conundrum "Bliss" did (if you haven't seen "Bliss," prepare for hours of laughter, head-scratching and ultimately, a much necessary brain-bleaching. But it's awesome. For real. And now available on DVD.)

This season, the insanity of a one-legged ex-McCartney attempting to Foxtrot has been the biggest motivation for many to tune in, but I say "nay" -- Heather Mills could lose her good leg, an arm and an earlobe while performing her Mambo for the world, and she'd still be boring to watch. What gives? If you really want to glean some ratings from limbless quasi-celebs, get a pirate to join the cast. Not only would he have a visible peg leg, but also an eye patch and maybe a parrot. And imagine his reaction when he gets voted off. I bet at least two of the three judges would lose their lives, and considering America's affinity for gratuitous violence, that would mean ratings gold, right?

But I digress. The real reason for this entry is to mourn the loss of Paulina Porizkova, a model best known for her riveting turn as the source of Tom Selleck's faux alibi in "Her Alibi," a movie that boasted the tagline: "Falling for a beautiful woman can be murder!" Of course, starring with one can be worse (c'mon Selleck, even the moustache out-acted her), but apparently dancing with one is the real disaster. When Billy Ray Cyrus and Clyde Drexler (aka The Mummy) can outmove you, it's time to pack up the stilettos, move to the North Carolina hills and start living it up "Nell"-style.

"I feel like the kid on the playground made by the parents to go home when they're not ready yet," she said. I'm all for similes, but they're cooler when you can understand them. Like when the original Dirty Dancer, Patrick Swayze, crooned "She's Like the Wind." Now that's a simile with some teeth. And a sexy black tank top.

Of course, there will likely be many more whos-his-faces and whats-her-names to be booted off next week. My vote? Miss USA Shandi Finnessey. Not because she's especially terrible, but because like Porikzchop, her name is too hard to spell. Or maybe it would be better if Billy Ray got the boot, because then he'd probably make some dorky reference to his "Achy Breaky Heart," and that would be an awesome shout-out to his once-proud mullet. We'll see.

March 27, 2007

You'd Cry, Too, if You Had to Sit Through a Taping of "American Idol"

For those of you who aren't on a hunger strike until the day Sanjaya Malakar is kicked off "American Idol," have fun at his expense thanks to the Washington Post's style gurus. They've imagined what the tone-def crooner would look like with various coiffures, and you can even print your own cut-and-fold copies to liven up your day at the office. Or you can watch him compete in "Idol's" Top 10 tonight on Fox. It's your call.

Oh, Sanjaya -- how you've won over prepubescent, sobbing 13-year-olds with your suave hairdos and eardrum-splitting renditions of Kinks classics. Don't ever change.

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Wahlberg Watch

WahlbergHeartSmall.jpgMore news to report in the World of Wahlberg: Darren Aronofsky, director of trippy and/or disturbing fare such as "Pi" and "Requiem for a Dream," is in final talks to helm "The Fighter," which reteams Wahlberg with his "The Departed" co-star Matt Damon.

"Based on the life of boxer "Irish" Mickey Ward (Wahlberg) and his trainer brother Dick Eklund (Damon), the story chronicles their early days on the rough streets of Lowell, Mass., through Eklund's battle with drugs and Ward's eventual world championship in London. Wahlberg and Damon both hail from Boston, and Aronofsky and Damon attended nearby Harvard University."

This news is really more about Aronofsky, whose most recent film, "The Fountain," received mixed reviews. But we're using it as an opportunity to show off our new Ode to Mark that we created in 10 seconds. It will permanently live on our About Us page as a testament of our devotion to all things Dignam.

Now that we've creeped you out, feel free to go about your day.

Release Round-Up

Here's a look at some of today's new releases:

DVDs
ChildrenMen.jpgChildren of Men
My favorite film of 2006 that was unfairly overlooked come awards season, "Men" provides a chilling dystopia set in near-future London. In a world where women are infertile and the world's youngest person has just died at age 18, what's worth living for? When a jaded former activist (Clive Owen) finds himself in charge of leading a miraculously pregnant girl to safety, we see what it really means to have hope in humanity, no matter what.

HappyFeet.jpgHappy Feet
The animated penguins sing, dance, crack jokes and preach enough environmental talking points and anti-zoo spiels to make The Goreacle proud. If you'd rather not see "An Inconvenient Truth" meets "March of the Penguins" meets "Shrek," skip this bizarre karaoke night and stick with a Pixar or Disney classic.

Happyness.jpgThe Pursuit of Happyness
I avoided this one, but sources tell me you'll bawl your eyes out. Will Smith will emotionally manipulate you as he plays the broke father out to save his son at all costs, and there's nothing you can do about it. And really, there aren't enough movies with characters whose sole goal in life -- and the ultimate way they can attain happiness -- is to achieve wealth.

Other DVD releases: "Curse of the Golden Flower," "Full House: The Complete Sixth Season" (DJ goes to the prom!), "The Shield: The Complete Fifth Season"


CDs
Kaiser.jpgKaiser Chiefs, "Yours Truly, Angry Mob"
I'm a sucker for British pop rock, as you can see by my CD selections here, and the Kaiser Chiefs have won over U.K audiences more than once with their pop hooks. Critics are calling "Mob" more mature than the band's debut, "Employment," thanks to a slightly different sound and touches of social commentary, but the gist of the band's dedication to bringing back New Wave is still there.

mika2.jpgMika, "Life in Cartoon Motion"
Falsetto-voiced, Freddie-Mercury-reincarnation Mika has already inundated MTV promos with his infectious "Love Today." Whether his electronic eccentricities will win over the U.S. carts as they did those in the U.K. doesn't matter -- "Love" and his other single, "Grace Kelly," are delightful, even if not completely original, pieces of pop.

Other CD releases: "Let it Go," Tim McGraw; "Now, Vol. 24," Various Artists; "Good Morning Revival," Good Charlotte; "Crystal Visions -- The Very Best of Stevie Nicks," Stevie Nicks

Video Games
Robinsons.jpgMeet the Robinsons (multi-platform)
Next week is an amazing week for video games. This week, we have “Meet the Robinsons,” based on the computer animation of the same name, opening this Friday. I’m uncertain what to say about the film or the game, except that it will be kid-friendly and it seems to involve time-travel shenanigans, my favorite sort.

Say one thing about the House of Mouse: They’ve got money, and so this game is being released in one form or another on every imaginable format. If you own something that plays video games made from about 2000 on, chances are the Robinsons have found a roost there.

Video games made from movies are a dicey sort of thing. For every good one, there’s two dozen that aren’t. Rarely, and it’s great when this happens, a game will actually exceed its cinematic counterpart. It happened with “Chronicles of Riddick,” which turned out to be an amazing game tied to a somewhat less-amazing film.

As long as you don’t expect much more than a kid-friendly platformer, and especially if you do have kids, “Meet the Robinsons” will probably serve just fine. As for the rest of us? We’ll have to wait until next week for Guitar Hero 2 for the 360, a new Prince of Persia for the Wii and PSP, and more. -- Brian Bethel

March 26, 2007

Hollywood's Lesson for the Day: "Love is Better Than Suicide"

In another sign that those who work for Hollywood studios are so far removed from reality they no longer know what "bad taste" means, After Dark Films is facing yet another PR-campaign controversy over its new film "Wristcutters: A Love Story." The film, according to The Hollywood Reporter, is set to bill itself with signs showing people killing themselves.

After Dark Films co-owner Courtney Solomon said late Friday that while the film's promotion may feature images of people jumping off a bridge, electrocuting and hanging themselves, they would be displayed as traffic-style stop or yield signs with a barring-style circle and line over the illustrations, along with hearts to reference the film's romantic story line. He said the campaign may change before its mid-July rollout because of the outcry.

Solomon intends to offer screenings or DVDs of the film to concerned organizations in the next few weeks, then discuss the campaign with them and ask for their input. "The movie takes place in purgatory, and its message is that love is better than suicide," he said, adding that the film may even help prevent suicide. "Our job is to get people into the theater in a way that's accessible to them. There are many different ways to skin a cat. God forbid someone was considering committing suicide. This film may change their opinion."

... Solomon said he'd been too busy to reply to the [suicide prevention and mental health] groups [protesting the ad campaign] because he's been reshooting and editing-in the more violent scenes to "Captivity" to make it more appealing to the audience that turned "Saw" and "Hostel" into hits.

What's "Captivity," you ask? It's the latest film in the Torture Porn genre, and its even-worse-than-making-light-of-suicide PR campaign caused a stir last week when 30 L.A.-area billboards and 1,400 New York City taxi tops promoting the film were taken down. They depicted the film's star, Elisha Cuthbert, in four stages: Abduction, Confinement, Torture and Termination. (A photo of the billboard is on the jump, and this is your warning that it's disturbing. I put it there and not here because I don't hate you. Courtney Soloman does, though. ) I was going to write about the grotesque ads last week, but my eyes started bleeding and I lost consciousness several times while attempting to logically break the situation down.

What the hell is wrong with the folks at After Dark films? What the ... I mean ... It's just ... ugh. I'm getting dizzy again, so I give up. Just know this: If you attend a film like "Captivity" or its porntastic counterparts, you're joining the long list of Hollywood's enablers. Just say no.

(Only click on the "Continue reading ..." link if you want to see the "Captivity" billboard.)

Captivity-Billboard.jpg

"Battlestar Galactica": Holy Frak!

Battlestar.JPG"Battlestar Galactica" ended its third season Sunday in true "Battlestar" form: It dropped several plot bombshells on its fans, smirked, and sauntered out of the room. Now we're left to debate with our fellow geeks several developments -- the revelation of four Cylons among the fleet, the 'not guilty' verdict for Gaius Baltar and the return of thought-to-be-dead Starbuck to lead the human race to Earth -- until the show returns for a full fourth season in ... 2008? We have to wait until January to get a few more answers? I'm still getting used to it being 2007, and I've only thought as far as June in terms of making life plans. Are fans even going to remember what happened and/or care as much about the show 10 months from now?

At least we'll be treated to a two-hour episode in the fall that will bridge the gap between the third and fourth seasons, and the depressingly long hiatus will give us a chance to re-watch the entire series on DVD. But I'm still unsatisfied. What can stand in for one of the most culturally-relevant shows on TV?

This season of "BSG," and especially its People vs. Gaius Baltar trial, offered up more pain and beauty and truth than you can rightfully ask for these days in a television show. The People wanted justice -- justice for the near-annihilation of the human race, justice for the death of their friends and loved ones during the Cylon occupation on New Caprica, and justice for President Baltar, the man everyone sees as a traitor to mankind. But as Lee Adama eloquently pointed out when he was called to the stand as a witness for the defense, Baltar was no more at fault than everyone else was. Baltar isn't evil; he's the definition of selfish. He was a puppet at the hands of the Cylons in a lose-lose situation, and although his lack of intestinal fortitude is deplorable, he doesn't deserve to be made a scapegoat for all of the problems the remainders of the human race are facing. Why string him up when you pardoned far more heinous crimes committed by members of the fleet? If we create a bloodthirsty form of justice, as well as use the reason of being at war as an excuse to create our own vengeance-bent rules, we’re completely disregarding the aspect of our society that's supposed to keep it civilized: Due Process.

Lee's plea for rational thinking and a fair trial won Baltar's judges over and freed the former president, with the elder Adama casting the deciding 'not guilty' vote. Now he's at odds with President Roslin, but what's more pressing is the new development they've yet to discover: More of their friends are Cylons. Colonel Tigh, Chief Tyrol, Sam Anders and Tory Foster were all drawn together after hearing the same, eerie tune. They all knew they were Cylons, but all chose to go about their daily lives for the time-being. Will they be like Sharon (Caprica Sharon, not Boomer) and choose to side with the humans? Will they out themselves to friends and hope they'll be accepted? One of "BSG's" strengths is that there are never clear-cut right and wrong sides to any situation, and now that these characters are indeed machines, they're not automatically the bad guys. Having certain humans turn out to be the very thing they've been fighting reiterates the need to step back and realize that we're not so different from the enemies we create.

I have plenty to think about from now until January. In the meantime, I'll be parsing the lyrics to "All Along the Watchtower."

March 22, 2007

"Lost": All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

lost_ben.jpgMichael Emerson (right) scares the crap out of me. I was distracted by what his character, Henry/Ben, was saying on last night's episode of "Lost" because I just couldn't stop staring at his face. At one point in a close-up, his eyes looked like glass. Seriously -- he's an odd-looking man, which only makes Ben all the creepier, and Ben is one of the redeeming qualities of a show that, until recently, had continually lost momentum after its stellar first season. Ben is a great villain because he can pass for that guy who works in the IT department who no one really notices -- that is, until he's tried to kill you. Ben could kill your best friend in front of you, turn around and successfully convince you that it was a good idea.

While me being terrified of Emerson is a digression, it's the kind of manipulation that Ben worked on Locke in last night's episode, "The Man From Tallahassee," that's really worth noting. The episode is an example of how "Lost" can be great when it tries to be -- provide an engaging backstory that actually progresses the plot and couple it with compelling action sprinkled with a touch of mystery and even more answers. Locke's backstory is the best developed out of all of the characters, and Terry O'Quinn is arguably the best actor of the lot (aside from Emerson).

Daddy issues were the name of the game: Locke was coming to terms with the fact that his con-man father, Anthony Cooper, is the reason he was in a wheelchair for four years prior to the crash, and we saw a glimpse of Ben's rocky relationship with his daughter, Alex, who is also Rousseau's daughter. Is he her biological father? I'm guessing not, mainly because Alex doesn't look like a cross between a possum and a Muppet like Dad does (sorry, guy). But what's really linking Locke and Ben is their connection to the island. Ben was born there; Locke is able to walk there. But Ben is still stuck in a wheelchair after his surgery, which Jack performed in exchange for a one-way ticket off the island via a submarine. If Locke was healed by the island, why hasn't Ben been healed?

As Kate and Sayid attempted to rescue Jack from the Others' care in their surreal summer camp digs (didn't work, he was being watched), Locke went a different direction. Jack gave Kate a cold shoulder for her attempts to save him, and it was hard to tell if he was playing a game for the watchful Others or if he'd really had a change of heart about the people who at one time kidnapped Claire and left Charlie for dead.

While his friends were being captured, Locke had gone straight for Ben's quarters. He learned from Crazy Eye-Patch Guy in the previous episode that the Others have a submarine, so his intentions became clear when he was pointing a gun at Ben, demanding to know where the sub is located. That C-4 he snagged from the Others' communication center would do the trick -- anything to make it harder to leave the island. That's the one thing the two can agree on: No one can leave. There's too much at stake and too much left to discover. After a few mind games and discussions about how much they each like chicken, Ben let Locke have his way: Locke successfully destroyed the only way to get off the island just as Jack and Juliet were about to hightail it out of there.

After Jack gave Locke the look of death for destroying his ride, Locke was back in Ben's custody. But Ben had a surprise up his sleeve: Locke's dad! For some reason, Cooper is being held captive by the Others, bound and gagged, and he looked just as surprised to see the son he pushed out of an eight-stories-high window as the son was to see the dad who only brought ruin to his life now on his island. How did Ben not only know about Locke's background, but have Cooper in custody as well? What kind of powers is this man wielding? Is the room Cooper is in that magic box thing Ben was talking about? Let's hope not.

"The Man From Tallahassee" only furthered my belief that Locke is one of the most important characters, and he and Ben will likely come together over their desire to learn more about the island, harness its power and, most importantly, stay there. But Locke has likely gone too far in his desire to learn more about the island that healed him, separating himself from the castaways by making impulsive judgments and forever being fooled. But after this episode, where is the line between the Others and everyone else? Ben can easily manipulate Locke -- he wanted Locke to destroy the submarine, which at least Locke realized. But can he win everyone else over?

"Lost's" creators realize they've got to start explaining things about the Others and the Dharma Initiative to maintain its fan base, but it's a shame so many have bailed on what is still an entertaining show. Even on its bad days it's better than a lot of what TV has to offer. ABC picked it up for a fourth season, and if it keeps going at the pace it regained after its hiatus, it should hopefully be a season worth watching. Especially if Michael and Walt decide to show back up.

They'd Like to Prove Our Faces Wrong

AbilenePostcard.jpgFor almost a month now, we've been asking residents of the Big Country to send us ideas of fun things for young singles to do here. The deadline for submissions is today and in the coming weeks we'll be compiling the suggestions, trying a few out and chronicling the best on video. (You know you want to see me and Erin in a Tae Kwon Do class making fools of ourselves -- admit it.) For now, though, here are some of the most entertaining and/or funniest responses we've had. And in some cases, "funniest" means "rudest." Enjoy:

"Having browsed this blog, I'd first like to say how refreshing it is to be dissed by such groovy hipsters. I most certainly agree with the utter lack of entertaining things to do in Abilene besides drinking oneself into a stupor, or paying some chump to watch women get degraded. I don't think two women whose career trajectories have landed them at the Abilene Reporter News have much room to making fun of the very people they should be endearing themselves to." -- Amy
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"OK, I’ve been trying, successfully, until today, to keep my old fossil thoughts to myself, but I can no longer resist.

GROW UP.

Y’all sound like kids everywhere. “Mommy, I’m bored.”

First suggestion, find a nice suitable cheese to accompany your whine. Given the sophistication exhibited so far, I’d suggest a nice vintage Velveeta." -- CV Jennings
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"Sarah, Erin, you two are nice, cute and sometimes I think you're having way too much fun." -- Brandon Davis (He suggested things to do; I just felt like pointing out that flattery will get you everywhere.)
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"My wife and I have lived in Abilene for over 30 years -- having moved here from Houston. We LOVE LIVING IN ABILENE! … There is a lot to do in this jewel of a town!!!! … I also wonder if single, young adults ignore certain fun or cultural activities because of a type of tunnel vision regarding what is fun -- and so they do not even consider that fun activity. I know that I have been guilty of that, when I was a young adult. But I think the tunnel vision reality can strike any age group -- for a variety of reasons.

"Carla (his wife) and I feel like we are in Disneyland, living here in Abilene. As single, young adults, you may be astounded by that statement! But Abilene is and has always been a friendly town with a strong sense of community and a strong family and faith town." -- Ken Murray
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"theres nothing to do here in abilene" -- Anonymous text message
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And now, my favorite: A 1,625-word e-mail that listed every club or activity under the Abilene sun we could possibly join or participate in, sprinkled with the suggestion that we should probably make friends if we want to have a life:

"I believe it is your responsibility to identify or create your own activities. However I will give you some ideas as you requested. … Another thing that I think has made living in Abilene fun and exciting is that we have a large group of friends. By joining some groups you acquire a group of friends and then the activities of those friends spill out to you too. So I suggest you start by enlarging your base of friends, (and if you have already done that...) then get together and create some fun! … As I am writing this piece I think the most important thing is that you need to create a large group of friends and then the statement, "THERE'S NOTHING TO DO IN ABILENE" will not be an issue. With a large group of friends that are willing to step up and create different functions you will always have something to do. If you just haven't developed a group of friends yet, then join some clubs or take some fun classes and you will begin your group of friends. I think everyone needs a connection." -- Roz & Jerry Love

SXSWrap-up

After a week of fun in the sun (or biblical proportions of rain, depending on the day), we’ve returned from South by Southwest in Austin to share our favorite films from the festival.

Erin’s picks for the best films of the festival:
eagle.jpg
1. "Eagle vs. Shark"
This delightful romcom, from New Zealand-based filmmakers Taika Waititi and Loren Horsley, is an endearing look at two socially awkward adults who find love -- or at the very least, love’s dorky alter ego. Their journey toward happiness is filled with uproarious roadbumps, making “Eagle” (pictured at right) one of the biggest audience pleasers at SXSW.

2. "Truth in Terms of Beauty"
This beautifully shot and relentlessly entertaining documentary about renowned portrait photographer Herman Leonard is a testament to narrative and visual storytelling. Even without examples of Leonard’s breathtaking work, the anecdotes he relays about his extraordinary life are mesmerizing on their own.

superhero.jpg3. "Confessions of a Superhero"
“Superhero,” a documentary about the costumed panhandlers on Hollywood Boulevard, delves beyond the so-called freak show and into the lives of those who dot the famed intersection. In a film that could have gone for cheap laughs, it’s surprisingly illuminating. (Pictured at left is Christopher Dennis, aka Superman.)

4. "Helvetica"
This documentary isn’t just for design nerds; it’s an oddly entertaining look at the fonts that are necessary but unnoticed in our everyday lives.

5. "Diggers"
Written by “The State” alum Ken Marino and starring Paul Rudd and Ron Eldard, “Diggers” is a poignant look at the lives of Long Island clam diggers.

Scroll down to read mini-reviews of some of the festival's biggest films.

Mini-Reviews: "Elvis and Anabelle," "The Ten"

‘Elvis’ won’t have you all shook up
elvis.jpgWhen a teenage beauty queen collapses on the pageant stage from a heart attack, thanks to a bout with bulimia, you’re sad, but not surprised. But when she wakes up several days later on the embalming table, you’ll be as shocked as her mortician. “Elvis and Anabelle” is a sweet story of young love that falters in its second act and falls flat on its face in its finale.

But for the most part, you’ll enjoy watching Elvis (Max Minghella), the mortician’s son standing in for his old man on the job, interact with Anabelle (Blake Lively), the aforementioned beauty queen who, after coming back to life as a medical miracle and being hounded by the media, decides to hide out at the funeral home with Elvis. Minghella is the best thing going for the film, which should have either gone the dark route or had a touch of fantasy. Instead, it’s just nothing special. -- Sarah Carlson

A Decalogue of anecdotes
theten.jpgA sky-diver jumps from an airplane without a parachute, only to land half-embedded in the ground but still alive; a woman falls in love with a ventriloquist dummy; neighbors fight to see who can buy the most CAT Scan machines; and a man skips church every Sunday to stay at home and walk around naked. These are just some of the outrageous scenarios you’ll find in “The Ten,” a random yet often funny grouping of 10 vignettes, each based loosely around one of the Ten Commandments.

From the comedians who brought you the TV shows “The State” and “Stella” and the film “Wet Hot American Summer,” “The Ten” has its moments and gets better with each subsequent viewing. Jeff and Gretchen Reigert could be considered the main characters; Jeff narrates and introduces each vignette in between arguing with his wife. We soon see that the characters in the 10 stories are connected with the Reigerts and that, as the film’s director David Wain told me (half seriously), “It’s all about love.” "The Ten" Read my off-the-wall interview with Wain and actors Paul Rudd and Ken Marino and to get insight into the wacky sense of humor they have. -- Sarah Carlson

Mini-Reviews: "Knocked Up," "Suffering Man's Charity"

‘Knocked Up’ is a knockout
KnockedUp1.jpgAt the beginning of “Knocked Up,” Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) is having a spaztastic time with his stoner friends, participating in the kind of juvenile joviality that would barely be excused in boys half his age. Meanwhile, Allison Scott (Katherine Heigl) is waking up to the drone of her alarm clock, ready for another day of climbing the corporate ladder as an entertainment reporter at E!

We know that the two will soon hurtle into each other’s stratospheres, not only because film history has trained us to expect it, but also because the movie’s title tells us there will be both a meeting and a mating. What’s extraordinary is the way “Knocked Up” sidesteps clichés on its way to the inevitable hookup: The movie shows the coupling is not so much opposites attract as loneliness loves company.

Perhaps that’s why despite outlandish situations, the punchiest of punchlines, and the rather startling presence of Cirque du Soleil (don’t ask), “Knocked Up” is cloaked within an atmosphere of truth. Ben and Allison spend much of the film clinging to the rigidity of their ways of life, only to find, by film’s end, that sometimes it’s necessary to at long last grow up (and, in some cases, give in).

Maybe this all sounds a little serious for a film directed by “40-Year-Old Virgin” helmer Judd Apatow, but “Knocked Up” builds on the maturity hidden within “Virgin.” Told equally from the male and female perspective (and finding humor in both genders’ situations), “Knocked Up” is likely to score more laughs (and nods of appreciation) from a wider audience than “Virgin” tapped into. Add to the equation fine comedic performances from Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd (as Allison’s sister and brother-in-law, respectively), and you’ve got the heart and soul of the movie.

The film screened March 12 at SXSW, playing to a packed house at the Paramount, where audience members barely got a break from back-to-back laughs. It’s a testament to Apatow’s comic sensibilities that his humor reaches audiences of all ages, and even bigger testament to the film that its laughs stem equally from sincerity as sex. Look for it in theaters beginning June 1. -- Erin Steele


The charitable thing? Make ‘Suffering’ stop.
In Alan Cumming’s sour, dour and completely insufferable “Charity,” the director/actor plays a washed-up music teacher whose lack of talent and suppressed lust drives him to extremes he never dreamed possible. It’s almost the perfect set-up for a black comedy, complete with over-the-top performances and exaggerated emotions, but somehow the clunkiness of Thomas Gallagher’s screenplay never allows “Charity” to reach its full potential; there’s too much blackness and not enough comedy.

Cumming’s directorial follow-up to “The Anniversary Party,” “Charity” also stars “Angel” actor David Boreanaz as Cumming’s object of affection and anger. Their relationship, for the small amount of time we’re allowed to see them interact, is perhaps the most intriguing part of the film. If “Charity” would have further explored the idea of mentor turned tormentor, it might have been a far superior movie. -- Erin Steele

March 21, 2007

In Other Words, Kelly Clarkson is Totally a Mac, and Clay Aiken is just a PC.

In case you're one of the few people who hasn't seen the brilliant Big Sister attack ad against Hillary Clinton, here it is:

What I find amusing are the members of the media who are in awe of the power of the Internets -- those series of tubes that can send viral attack ads posted by anonymous film editors with the click of a mouse. What will they think of next?!

Here's a great excerpt from a Washington Post article about this viral ad and how Clinton could attempt to save face:

For David Weinberger, former senior Internet adviser to Howard Dean and a fellow at the Berkman Center for Internet and Society at Harvard Law School, the video is a "meta-comment" of the Clinton campaign.

"It's expressing frustration and unhappiness with the level of control that her campaign is exerting. It's no more controlled than any other traditional campaign. It's not especially controlled by previous standards. But it's tightly controlled by the standards of the Web. And for a big part of the population, the standards are the Web standards," Weinberger said.

To regain her footing online, the New York senator "should go off-message and her talking points" and post videos and blogs that show "that she doesn't have the answer to everything, that she's made mistakes, that she can talk like another human being." As such the video, Weinberger added, "is particularly effective because it draws the parallel that's apparent to so many people -- that Hillary is to the campaign as PCs are to computing."

March 20, 2007

I could read it in a day. And will.

DeathlyHallows.jpgScholastic announced today that the U.S. version of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," the seventh and final installment in the series, will be 784 pages. It's being released July 21, and you'd better believe I've already bought my copy. If you'll be at the Books-A-Million in Abilene at midnight, look for me.

You see, I'm a fan. A big enough fan that I asked off of work for July 13 so I could drive to Austin to see "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" with my friend at the Drafthouse. A big enough fan that, when my friend today told me she might not be able to see it opening night because of an out-of-town wedding, I spent several minutes trying to convince her to convince her friend to reschedule the date.

I have issues.

The page-count announcement came as Scholastic said that, to pull off the book's 12 million first printing in a somewhat environmentally-friendly way, "it will make sure 65 percent of the 16,700 tons of paper used to publish the book will be on Forest Stewardship Council-certified paper, which comes from forests that are socially and environmentally managed." The news also came on the heels of rumors that Emma Watson, oh she of the not-so-bushy-haired Hermione who heaves out her lines as if they were her last breath, might not return for the final two film installments. A Warner Bros. spokesman played down the rumors, saying they're "extremely confident" Watson will sign. Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint have already signed, so my money is on it being a money issue. Perhaps she's holding out for a better deal, hoping a little public outcry will increase her chances of a raise? As the least talented of the three main stars, she should take every opportunity to be in a blockbuster that she can get.

As for me, I'll be counting down the days (114 for the movie, 122 for the book) and annoying you with updates because I obviously have nothing better to do, considering my career trajectory isn't looking so hot. But don't worry -- I won't fully unleash my geeky fandom until the release dates are upon us. You're welcome.

Prove Us Wrong, Part Deux

Sarah and I would like to personally thank everyone who has contributed ideas to Prove Us Wrong, but since we don't know where you live, we'll just have to send out a mass thank you instead. We're currently reading through all of the responses and since we're only semi-literate, this takes awhile. Once we finish, however, we plan to try out all of your ideas while some guy we hired off the street corner videotapes us. It's all very tawdry, but this is how dedicated we are to our craft and our readers. For real.

Of course, you still have two more days to submit ideas if you're so inspired, so let us know what you do for fun around these parts. We won't judge.

March 19, 2007

It's over ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

MicahPHinsonWEB.JPGThe SXSW film and music festival drew to a close on Sunday, which meant one very important thing: I could finally sleep.

And sleep I did, quite comfortably I might add, for most of yesterday, and with my renewed vitality, I can finally remember exactly what occurred during the last nine days in Austin. Sorta.

Actually, let's just start with Thursday, since you already know about most of the movies I saw prior to that day (though I will be adding a list of the best films that SXSW showcased later this week).

The music festival kicked into high gear on Thursday, with many of the day parties taking center stage. In-store performances (which were free and open to the public) abounded, and some of the best took place at Waterloo Records on North Lamar. Sparklehorse played a set, as well as popular newcomer Lily Allen, whose album "Alright, Still ..." is a knockout. The English-bred songstress played a few of her own songs, as well as some covers (by fellow UK group The Kooks, as well as "Heart of Glass" by Blondie) because "most of my songs don't work well with acoustic," she said.

On Friday at Habana, John Doe (of X) and Robyn Hitchcock both played for excited audiences at the Yep Roc Records 10th anniversary party, where free barbecue was provided for attendees at the outdoor stage. Down on South Congress, music lovers trolled the many eclectic shops for in-store performances, with the Waco Brothers rocking Yard Dogs' outdoor tent, playing an hour-and-a-half-long set for those in attendance.

Of course, if you really want an insider's look at the festivities, check out Abilene Reporter-News photographer Victor Cristales' shots of some of the biggest concerts of SXSW, including Abilene's own Micah P. Hinson (pictured above), the acclaimed Alejandro Escovedo, Cold War Kids and many others.

March 16, 2007

My Feeble Attempt to Interview Paul Rudd, Ken Marino and David Wain; Or, Sarah Acts Like an Idiot Around Celebrities, Part 2

RuddWain.jpgAt SXSW last Saturday, I was able to sit down with members of "The Ten," a comedy directed by David Wain (pictured on the right with Paul Rudd, left) that opens August 3. I can't quite describe the 28-minute experience, only to say this: I lost. It wasn't a competition, or a battle -- just an interview. But I lost. Trying to cull a straight answer from some of the masterminds of "The State" and "Wet Hot American Summer" is an uphill battle not worth your time. Trust me.

I do have more pertinent information about "The Ten" and the "Diggers," written by Ken Marino (pictured on the jump) and starring him and Rudd, that I learned from panels, and I'll provide that when the films debut. For now, I can only offer up almost the entire interview for your enjoyment/bewilderment. Watch how badly I lose:

Me: How do you come up with an idea for a movie like “The Ten”?

Ken Marino: We wanted to make a movie that was funny. So we sat down …

David Wain: Some of the early ideas we had were “The Eleven,” “The Nine.” It didn’t seem quite right. We wanted something rounder. “The Twenty” seemed a little ambitious.

Marino: And I think it was you, you had taken off your shoes, you looked down, and I don’t know what you were looking at, but all of a sudden you said “The Ten.”
...
Me: So Paul, how’d you get involved with the cast members who’ve been around since “The State” and with “Stella”? How’d you get in with them to do “Wet Hot American Summer” and this?

Rudd: "Wet Hot American Summer" was the first time I’d ever worked on anything that these guys had done, although I met them before that and had become friends, not like great friends, although now after working together we’ve become good friends. A lot of the same stuff makes us laugh.

Marino: It seemed like a good match.

Me: Do you think [the style of humor in "WHAS" and "The Ten"] has a mass appeal, or do you think it reaches more of a niche audience?

Wain: I think that the work we’ve all done over the previous years seems to, at least until now, have had a ceiling of how far it goes into the mainstream, for whatever reason. But as much as it doesn’t do that, it seems to really resonate with the people who do like it. It’s gratifying, if not lucrative.

Jonathan Stern (producer of "The Ten"): I think the more people who actually get exposed to it -- the bigger an audience you’ll find. And I also feel in a way that that style of humor is creating its own audience. Five years ago when people were seeing "The State" or "Stella" or "Wet Hot" for the first time is different than five years later when now there’s a growing connection to this kind of humor.

Wain: For example, the movie “Saturday Night Fever” both reflected and chronicled the disco movement, but also largely created and popularized and promoted this movement.

Paul: So basically what we really think, what David is trying to say, is that hopefully “The Ten” will revitalize the disco movement.

Me: OK.

Wain: I’m thinking of going really deep into the “Flashdance” movement.

Marino: It’s about time. It’s about time.

Wain: It’s a movement about aesthetics …

Marino: Crotch-grabbing under the table …

Rudd: You are a maniac.

KenMarino.jpgMe: How much of it is scripted? Is a lot of improv involved?

Wain: There’s a lot of improv involved in the way we wrote it and then maybe going back and forth with the actors before we shoot. But, unlike say Reno 911! Or Christopher Guest movies, once we roll camera we’re not really much doing improv. …

Marino: Once we would get what was scripted, we would keep it loose enough to go back and play with it. We’d stay true to the script.

Wain: Our style is to really try to be flexible during the shoot so that if anybody has an idea we can say OK, let’s try that. I’d rather try it than talk about it. OK, try that, try that, you never know.

Rudd: It seems as if that a lot of comedies lately that have been successful, some of the funniest ones I think, have been a lot of improvisation.

Wain: That’s almost exclusively in the Apatow universe.

Rudd: Yeah, he works that way, but also movies like “Borat,” and “Anchorman,” which was Adam McKay. It seems that so many of these movies now rely upon improvisation heavily, and I think it’s the opposite with your [Wain’s] movies. We’re pretty true to the script.

Wain: Though often our stuff is usually perceived as “Did you even have a script?”

Me: So it’s pretty much scripted?

Wain: I respond to that way of working. I don’t know how the American “Office” works, but the British “Office” had this feel to it that it was improved but it was scripted line by line.

Me: So let’s talk about “The Ten” a little more. Is there an overall point or theme to it?

Wain: Like what the f*** is going on?!

Rudd: Why’d you hate “The Ten” much?

Me: I liked it!

Stern: So what were your favorite things about it?

Me: Some of my favorite things …

Rudd: The ending?

Me: Some of my favorite skits were the prison skit with Rob Corddry, the one on Take This Sabbath Day, the first one with Adam Brody with his leg sticking out …

Wain: Thank you, what was your question again?

Me: What was the overall point to it?

Wain: I think ultimately the point is life is what you make of it. We want people to go home and feel empowered to … for example, if a woman is in a bad marriage, after seeing “The Ten” hopefully she would go home to her husband and say ‘I need certain things to stay in this relationship. I need you to give me attention when I need it. I need you to recognize my power, what I bring to this.’

Marino: You know what’s so funny? Before we started writing it, that’s the exact speech you gave me before we starting writing the script. Before we put one word on the page -- that was it. It hasn’t changed and it’s inspirational, and I hope every woman out there who’s in an unhappy marriage or engagement or any relationship at all ultimately sees “The Ten” and gets back home and …

Wain: “The Ten” is a love story between Jeff Reigert (Rudd) and Gretchen Reigert (Famke Janssen) and the nuances of their relationship are extrapolated [sounds like he said extraputalated] and told through these parables, each one having to do with the Ten Commandements. He strays and finds what ultimately turns out to be …

Marino: I’m still hung up on extraputalated. I think he said extraputalated? What does that mean?

Wain: Of course when Jeff and Gretchen get back together and with the resounding chorus at the end, we learn it’s really all about love.

Rudd: I think you did accomplish what you were going for in having women feeling empowered after seeing this film. I know for a fact that after the very first screening, my wife saw it and immediately asked for a divorce. Now I’m going through an awful, ugly divorce.

Marino: Well, you’re welcome.

Rudd: It was important. It gave my wife the courage …

Wain: If one person has the courage to divorce you, then we’ve done our job.

Me: She doesn’t like ventriloquist dummies, does she?

Rudd: Ventriloquist dummies? No, no, no.

Marino: She is dating a hand puppet. I saw her downtown with a hand puppet. But I don’t think that has anything to do with it.

Wain: You’re referring to the story with Kelly (Winona Ryder) and Gary the puppet. [One of the 10 sequences -- Kelly falls for a ventriloquist dummy. Don't ask.]

Me: Uh huh.

Marino: That’s right, Dave. That’s right. [laughter]

Wain: Ultimately that’s a story of a woman who kind of is …

Marino: Searching, she’s searching.

Wain: She falls in love very easily from man to man, she has not had the wherewithal, the rudder emotionally in her life to really understand what she really wants, so now we see her living the difficult life in New Jersey with Gary the Puppet.

Me: So it’s all about love?

Marino: Life is what you make of it, and it’s all about love. Yeah.

Wain: Gloria Jennings as played by Gretchen Mol has a bittersweet reunion with Jesus at a café in St. Louis years after their story, and what that says is that you felt a great love and now it’s faded, but there’s still a spark.

Rudd: I think that’s really true with people. People can relate to that. Many people have fallen in love with somebody but it didn’t work out. And years later you’ll run into them, or even if you don’t run into them you might just have a special place …

Wain: The smell of sweatshirt ...

Marino: A certain song ...

Marino: The feel of the rain -- that moisture on your skin.

Stern: Like a really good orgasm!
[silence]
Marino and Rudd: Aw, Jon, jeesh …
[laughter]

Wain: Well, next question.

Me: How has the film been received? How was it received at Sundance?

Wain: I think they FedExed it.

Marino: FedEx dropped it off at the office.

Stern: [spits out coffee, cracking up]

Wain: Oh my God! That’s horrifying!

Marino: That’s disgusting!

Wain: Wow, that was really gross.
[everyone is laughing]

Rudd: Mouth and nose. I think the funniest part is that it wasn’t a great joke. That’s what did it for you?

Wain: Seriously, it was received at the central Sundance mail office and they gave it to the projectionist.

Me: Oh, OK, good.

Rudd: [Imitates Stern spitting out his coffee]

Wain: And after Sundance they sent it back to us.

Me: Good!

Wain: And I think in Austin it was received at [the SXSW] headquarters.

Me: So what’s up next?

Marino: Dave and I just finished the first draft of a script we wrote and we’re hoping to finish it up and get it out as soon as possible.

Me: What’s it about?

Marino: Uh, people in the world today and how they uh …

Wain: That life is what you make of it

Marino: And about love -- it’s all about love -- and about life.

Wain: You can catch me and Marino together on Reno 911! In theaters now. And Paul.

Me: How was it making that -- was it fun?

Marino: Listen, this is about “The Ten.” No, it was a blast. It was wonderful. We got all "The State" people together for the first time since we stopped doing "The State."

Wain: I’ll tell you what, though, I thought we were all going to go to Miami but they did most of it in Los Angeles.

Rudd: They did some parts in Miami, but most of it in Los Angeles.

Wain [to Rudd]: Did you get to go to Miami?

Rudd: No, no.

Marino: But it was great.

Rudd: So what’s next for you?

Me: Oh, you know, back to work.

Marino: Well do you use a computer or do you use one of those old typewriters with the [makes sound of typewriter]?

Me: A computer, actually. I wish I did. I could wear a hat with …

Rudd: With ‘Press’ on it?

Me: Yes. I suggested that, but we haven’t done it yet.

Marino: How come they don’t have computers where when you type on it it makes that noise?

Stern: They have that function.

Wain: I use to have that on my Mac.

Marino: [keeps imitating sounds of typewriter]

Stern: I have it so when you hit ‘return’ it makes the sound of the Star Trek doors closing [makes sound] like that.

Rudd: Hmm. [makes sound and face as if Stern killed the joke]
[everyone laughs]

Marino: [claps] So let me ask you something. How long have you lived here?

Me: In Austin? I don’t live here.

Wain: She lives in Abilene. Or were you EVER going to listen?

Marino: I wasn’t.

Me: I’m from San Antonio, though.

Marino: Ah, San Antonio.

Rudd: Do you like to go to the Riverwalk?

Me: … Occasionally.

Marino: When you have people visiting you go ‘Hey, let’s go to the Riverwalk.’

Rudd: Do you know Manu Ginobili?

Me: No, unfortunately.

Marino: Wait a second! Isn’t Austin where they have the bats come out of the bridge!?

Rudd: Yeah, I saw them last night.

Marino: It’s amazing. Did you see them right over the bridge?

Rudd: I saw them just flying across … it’s crazy.

Marino: Oh my God, it’s phenomenal. I’ve got to go see that. [To me] Have you seen it?

Me: Yeah

Marino: You don’t like it.

Me: The bats? It’s … cool.
[laughter]

Marino: When you’re right at the bridge?

Rudd: Do you ever think of taking a hammock out by the bridge and covering yourself in honey and pouring salt all over you and lying there when the bats come out just to see if they’ll come over you?

Me: I hadn’t thought about that, but now I have.

Marino: Will you think about it?

Me: I will.

Marino: That’s all we’re asking.

Wain: What about taking a hammer and putting it right in the soft tissue between this bone and this bone [at your shoulder] and just poom poom poom poom [motions slamming a hammer into his shoulder].

Me: I won’t do that.

Marino: And now we’re off …

Wain: You said ‘hammock.’

Marino: Oh and you said hammer, I see, I’m sorry, that’s my fault.

Wain: The thing about “The Ten” though is that I hope it plays theatrically in Abilene when it’s released on August 3, but if it doesn’t, I’m hoping people will buy the DVD.

Marino: The DVD is going to have all sorts of features on it.

Wain: We made another’s movies worth that’s not on the DVD.

Rudd: The DVD will have some extra scenes like …

Marino: Crazy outtakes …

Rudd: I mean, I don’t even want to get into it …

Wain: There’s also unearthed footage that was taken at the Warsaw Ghetto in the early 40s.

Marino: Which is some heavy …

Wain: It’s horrifying.

Marino: Heavy stuff, but it needs to be seen.

Rudd: It’s important, it’s important.

Marino: We need to dust bust it first, and then it will be seen.

Wain: Once in a lifetime a movie comes along that demands to be seen. This is one of those movies.

Stern: You’re the one doing the demanding.

Rudd: This is probably going to sound pompous, but this is an important film.

Marino: There’s life before “The Ten,” and there’s life after “The Ten.” And to me, life is much better after “The Ten.” I feel more complete, I’m happier, I have more regular bowel movements.

Rudd: It’s not any of this kind of frivolous sh** like ‘Incontinent Truth’ or something.

Marino: Right right right right.

Wain: It’s like “Seven,” “8 1/2,” “Oceans 11,” “Three Days of the Condor”

Marino: “Five Easy Pieces”

Wain: “Four Days in November”

Marino: “Cheaper by the Dozen”

Stern: “300”

Marino: “One Fine Day”

Wain: “Jaws,” “Raiders of the Lost Ark”

Rudd: “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”

Marino: “Two for the Road”

Wain: “12 Angry Men”

Rudd: “Hard Eight”

Anne Chaisson (producer of "Diggers"): “Eight Men Out”

Rudd: “The Devil and Max Devlin”
[laughter]

Me: Are you done? Can you not think of any more?

Marino: We can.

Rudd: Yeah, let’s keep going.

Marino: “17 Monkeys”

Rudd: “The Jackson Five Story”

Marino: “17 Monkeys” is a complete different movie …

Wain: I’ve heard of “Oceans 11.” Why not “Oceans 12”?

Anne: Or 13?

Rudd: Not “The Ten” but just “10.”

Marino: “The Ten Commandments” … Hey, what did you think of “Three Men and a Baby”?

Rudd: Oh my God …

Marino: “Three Men and a Little Lady,” yeah.

Wain: Wait, wait …

Rudd: “Police Academy 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 …”

Wain: Stop stop stop. I heard you say “Three Men and a Baby.”

Marino: That you get, that you’ve seen.

Wain: I remember, great movie. Ted Danson ...

Marino: Steve Gutenberg ...

Wain: But “Three Men and a Little Lady”?

Rudd: It was afterwards, she grew up a little bit.

Wain: I do believe the name of that movie is “Three Men and a Baby.”

Rudd: No, “Three Men and a Little Lady.”

Me: It was a sequel.

Rudd: Man, please.

Marino: So, is there anything else you want to know? Anything you got that might help?

Wain: Want to play Timeline at all?

Rudd [to me]: What were you doing in 1986?

Me: 1986? Do you really want to know?

Wain: Yeah, I am bottomed out, I am bottomed out.

Me: I was two.

Wain: You were two?

Me: Yeah.

Chaisson: Wow.

Wain: In 1986, I was bottoming out. OK?
[laughter]

Rudd: Didn’t you wreck …

Wain: At the time I had two car wrecks in one day.
[more laughter]

Chaisson: Hey you haven’t talked about "Diggers."

Me: Sure, let’s talk about "Diggers."

Marino: We’re supposed to be talking about "Diggers"!? "Diggers" is supposed to be a part of this?

Me: Well, they hadn’t told me that, but let’s talk about it.
[everyone is talking]
[Rudd throws pieces of paper in the air as if he gives up]

Wain: I’m sorry, I have to pee really quick, but you guys talk about "Diggers."

[Marino gives a brief summation of "Diggers," and then I say goodbye.]

March 15, 2007

Ooh, that smell ...

This week in Austin has been a homecoming of sorts for me. I spent four years in the so-called Music Capital of the World (close your ears, New York. You too, Los Angeles) as an undergrad at the University of Texas, where I struggled with the fact that I didn’t wear hipster glasses like the rest of the English majors and couldn’t really convince myself that tofu was an OK thing to eat. It was a trying time.

But by the end of my studies here, I fell in love with the city; it was like a boyfriend who was way too smart and cool and good-looking for me, but I didn’t really have the heart to question it.

Now, I see things a little differently. The beer goggles have lifted, and while I still love my metropolitan boyfriend, I realize that maybe he should shave and get a job and shower occasionally, if only to wash off the odor of pretension that constantly clings to him. It’s cool to be laid back, less cool to be in a perpetual slacker coma. Grow up, guy.

What used to seem cute about Austin is now cloying ... when did it become OK to pay so much money to look so poor? The only thing that distinguishes the festivalgoers from the panhandlers is the SXSW badge draped around their necks. The fact that this parade of hobo chicness takes place against the backdrop of high-end retail stores -- each one replacing the small, eclectic shops that once dotted downtown -- is especially disconcerting. Has Austin gone from keeping it real to keeping it real estate?

Certainly, that can be said of campus, where all of the once-enchanting stores have been chased away by the behemoth known as University Co-op. When I first arrived in the Texas capital, the Co-op faced a healthy amount of competition from Texas Textbooks, Barnes & Noble and other bookstores in and around campus. Those stores have now been replaced by the Co-op Annex, Co-op women’s store, Co-op dollar store, Co-op whatever else it can slap its name on. The flavor is gone; all that’s left is a bland aftertaste, reminiscent of tofu. Too bad.

Is this to say that I hate Austin and what it has become? Absolutely not. The city still offers a vibrant arts scene, a refuge for film and music buffs, that rivals any city in Texas and perhaps the nation. It’s still a haven for struggling artists, a mecca for up-and-coming business professionals and a melding of old and young who flock to Austin for all it has to offer, both recreationally and professionally.

But the truth is, over the years my idealism has faded, and in many ways, so has the laid-back charm of the city, which isn’t so much laid-back as dressed down. I guess it’s true that you can’t go home again. But you can go to the Co-op.

The red carpet unfurls

ReignPremiere.jpgSXSW rolled out the red carpet Wednesday night for stars Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle as they premiered their new film "Reign Over Me" to a packed house at the Paramount Theater.

The film, directed by Mike Binder, tells the story of former college roommates Charlie Fineman (Sandler) and Alan Johnson (Cheadle) who meet again by chance in Manhattan. A formerly successful dentist, Charlie retreats from his life after his family is killed in the 9/11 attacks, while Alan becomes overwhelmed with his responsibilities at home. Their rekindled friendship becomes the only thing that keeps the two men afloat.

Binder, a writer, director and actor, attended SXSW in 2001 with his feature film "The Search for John Gissing." Sandler and Cheadle participated in a Q&A after the screening (more on that later).

Preceding the "Reign" screening was "The Lather Effect," an "Anniversary Party" meets "The Big Chill" take on friends who grew up together in the decade of greed a reunite for an '80s-themed shindig. Directed by "Full Tilt Boogie" helmer Sarah Kelly and starring Connie Britton, Eric Stoltz, Tate Donovan and Ione Skye, among others, the film failed to live up to the films that inspired it, but still managed to draw its fair share of laughs from the crowd.

Another film that drew huge crowds on Wednesday was "Orphans," which took home the SXSW audience award the night before. A story of two estranged sisters who reunite at their family home for a birthday party, the film was a chilling look at the ties that bind and how those ties can often come unraveled. Director Ry Russo-Young participated in a Q&A after the screening.

But perhaps the best film of the day (at least that I saw -- I can't be everywhere, folks), was the documentary "Truth in Terms of Beauty," which chornicles the life and career of famed portrait photographer Herman Leonard. The humble Leonard tells of how each of his world-famous portraits came to be -- from stills of jazz musicians to Playboy covergirls to opium dems and third-world prostitutes, Leonard infuses his work with a reverance for all the world has to offer, and often seems just as amazed as we are that he was able to capture such incredibly candid images.

Now 84 and living in Los Angeles (after being displaced from his New Orleans home after Hurricane Katrina), Leonard continues to work. Anyone unfamiliar with his art would be wise to acquaint themselves.

March 14, 2007

And the winners are ...

There may not have been a red carpet, but the filmmakers participating in SXSW were treated like the cream of the Hollywood crop Tuesday as the fest handed its film awards at the Austin Convention Center.
The winners are:

Jury Awards:

REEL Shorts :
Special Jury Award -- Clear Cut, Simple / Director: Vineet Dewan
Winner -- Pop Foul / Director: Moon Molson

Animated Shorts :
Special Jury Award -- One Rat Short / Director: Alex Weil
Winner -- Tragic Story with a Happy Ending / Director: Regina Pessoa

Experimental Shorts :
Special Jury Award -- The Lonely Lights. The Color of Lemons. / Director:
Benjamin M. Piety
Winner -- 27,000 Days / Director : Naveen Singh

Music Videos :
Special Jury Award -- Constantines, 'Working Full-TIme' / Director: Drew
Lightfoot
Winner -- Thom Yorke, 'Harrowdown Hill' / Director: Chel White

Texas High School Competition :
Special Jury Award -- Daily Routine / Director: Adela Escobar
Winner -- Murder for 9 Points / Director: Brandon Day

Documentary Feature:
Special Jury Award -- Cat Dancers / Director: Harris Fishman
Special Jury Award -- Audience of One / Director: Michael Jacobs
Winner -- Billy the Kid / Director: Jennifer Venditti

Narrative Feature :
Special Jury Award -- Frownland / Director: Ronald Bronstein
Special Jury Award -- Orphans / Director: Ry Russo-Young
Winner -- Itty Bitty Titty Committee / Director: Jamie Babbit

Audience Awards:

Emerging Visions:
Winner -- The Price of Sugar / Director: Bill Haney

Documentary Feature:
Winner -- Run Granny Run / Director: Marlo Poras

Narrative Feature:
Winner -- Skills Like This / Director: Monty Miranda

Though there won't be any more competition for the rest of the festival, the film screenings continue through Saturday. Tonight's biggest screening is for "Reign Over Me" tonight at the Paramount Theater. The film stars Don Cheadle and Adam Sandler, as a husband and father who lost his family in the 9/11 attacks. The film opens in theaters nationwide this month.

The music festival officially kicks off today as well, meaning film fans will share the damp Austin streets with music buffs from around the world. We'll have more on the music highlights as the week progresses.

Suffering Man's Interviews, Part 2

Boreanaz.jpgThe warm Texas air was a welcome surprise for David Boreanaz during his first trip to Austin and SXSW last weekend -- that and the energy from the city and its festival. He flew to Austin without many expectations, but said he was pleased with SXSW and felt it and the unique Austin atmosphere provided a perfect place to debut his latest film, “Suffering Man’s Charity.”

To call Austin unique is one thing, but to call “Charity” unique is an understatement in Boreanaz’s eyes.

“It’s the type of film that you really experience,” he said. “It’s like a ride.”

Even now he’s still processing the film and his experience making it. His quick 18-day shoot was interwoven into his “Bones” shooting schedule, his TV show on Fox that was just picked up for a third season. He said he was attracted to play his character, Sebastian, because of his dual nature and wicked sense of humor -- “He’s a walking contradiction.”

Sebastian is a small-time hustler posing as a writer who’s taken in by Jonathan (Alan Cumming, in his directorial debut as well), a music teacher with a fondness for taking in handsome but unemployed artists. He financially supports Sebastian -- while also admiring his good looks -- believing Sebastian’s lies about the unpublished manuscript he’s supposedly hiding. Ultimately, Jonathan discovers Sebastian’s true, womanizing nature, sets out to teach him a lesson and, in doing so, discovers the real subject of Sebastian’s book: him.

The antics only get kookier as each man tries to turn the tables against the other, and the film’s eccentricities are what had Boreanaz scratching his head so long after filming. Now he hopes audiences will be as intrigued with the subject matter as he is, and that perhaps it will gain its own cult following.

“It was definitely fun, but it was … I don’t really know what it was,” Boreanaz said about the film. “I think it was really this crazy, cool, fun project to be a part of for an intense time.”

March 13, 2007

SXSW Gets "Knocked Up"

KnockedUp2.jpgBen Stone (Seth Rogen) is a spaztastic stoner who has spent the last few years of his life creating the Web site Flesh of the Stars, which tells audiences which movies offer up nude scenes of their favorite actors (of course, it's still under construction). Allison Scott (Katherine Heigl) is an up-and-coming entertainment reporter whose greatest form of relaxation comes from drinking the occasional Corona in her favorite L.A. club.

The fact that these two ever hook up, even under the helpful hand of booze, is a miracle; even more miraculous is that they spend nearly the entire running time of Judd Apatow's hilarious "Knocked Up" trying to make their relationship work for the sake of the embryo that resulted from their accidental tryst.

But the biggest miracle? The two likable stars make it all easy to believe and incredibly easy to watch; in a film that could have easily pandered to opposites attract and expectant mother clichés, "Knocked Up" sidesteps them all.

The film screened at SXSW on Monday, selling out the Paramount Theater and filling any empty space with eruptions of laughter. The film will be released in theaters June 1.

Also starring Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd as Allison's sister and brother-in-law, "Knocked Up" follows in the steps of Apatow's previous film "40-Year-Old Virgin," which tempered its raunchy sense of humor with plenty of heart. What started out as a film about a hard-to-believe hookup becomes a narrative not only about unexpected love, but also about the difficult process of at long last growing up.

For more on "Knocked Up," see the March 22 issue of The Insider, where we'll name our picks for the best of the fest.

-- Erin Steele

I'll See You at the Grind House

Grindhouse2.jpg

Native Texan and former UT student Robert Rodriguez (“Desperado,” “Spy Kids,” “Sin City”) returned to his old stomping ground Sunday to give a SXSW audience a little lesson in Grindhouse 101 -- a look at the exploitation film genre and a sneak peek at “Planet Terror,” his portion of the double-feature “Grindhouse,” due in theaters April 6. Quentin Tarantino’s (“Pulp Fiction,” “Kill Bill”) offering is “Death Proof.”

He was joined by uber-film geek Harry Knowles of Ain’t It Cool News to discuss exploitation films -- B-level films that sensationalize sex, violence and gore that were often showed back-to-back in grind houses. (Let our good friend, Wikipedia, fill you in on the rest). Rodriguez brought along a few classic exploitation trailers, “They Call Her One Eye” and “The Green Slime,” as an example of what he and Tarantino are aiming at for “Grindhouse.” It’s not only a nod to a genre generally thought as having no artistic merit, but a chance for the two filmmakers and ardent film-lovers to use even less restraints in their work.

“Grind-house cinema to me means freedom,” Rodriguez said. On set, he said he’d purposefully not fix an error in the filming process so that “Planet Terror” will have the look and feel of an old grind-house film. Is there a production light visible in the scene? Did an actor go too over-the-top with a line? “Eh, it’s a grind-house film,” he’d say. “It’s OK.”

Grindhouse1.jpg

He’s played with the look of the film, adding tints in certain scenes and digitally making the film appear worn, as if it had been show hundreds of times along with the rest of the grind-house films. Expect intentional errors throughout -- “all the right accidents,” as he calls them -- and if the MPAA won’t let him keep all his gore, he’ll splice the film so the audience will know something is missing and call it a day. Eh, it’s a grind-house film.

The clip from “Planet Terror” was short and contained more blood than some war films, but was too outrageous and stylish to be disturbing. No, that honor goes to director Eli Roth (“Cabin Fever,” “Hostel”), who along with Edgar Wright and Rob Zombie filmed a fake exploitative-style trailer to be shown in between “Terror” and “Death Proof.” Roth’s ode to '80s slasher films gave us a glimpse of what Thanksgiving would be like if a Thanksgiving parade participants, and anyone else in the same town just out and about, were suddenly beheaded. A scene that included a cheerleader, a trampoline and a knife has scarred me for life. Seriously -- I drove past kids jumping on a trampoline today and shuddered.

Also shown were the top entries in a submit-your-own-"Grindhouse"-trailers contest for SXSW: The Dead Won't Die, Maiden of Death and the winner, Hobo With a Shotgun. (WARNING: These contain blood and nudity. Very not suitable for kids. You've been warned.)

We would have liked to see more "Grindhouse" footage, but considering the film is just now being submitted to the MPAA for a rating, and that, according to Rodriguez, he and Tarantino haven't seen each other's films yet, it's not surprising it's being kept under wraps. What we did see didn't disappoint, and neither did Rodriguez. After enduring several panels and post-screening Q&A’s with actors and filmmakers who came across as too smug for their own good, Rodriguez’s passion for film and eagerness to talk with fans was refreshing. Here's hoping "Grindhouse" is as well.

March 12, 2007

An Actual Conversation I Had With Alan Cumming; Or, Sarah Acts Like an Idiot Around Celebrities, Part 1

Setting: Saturday, March 10, 2007. The InterContinental Hotel, downtown, Austin, Texas. Sarah, who likes to talk in the third person, is sitting in a chair right outside of the State Boardroom, waiting to talk with David Boreanaz about his new movie, "Suffering Man's Charity", which premiered at SXSW on Friday.

Aaaaand scene:

Sarah: [Sitting in a chair, staring at a wall.]
Alan Cumming: [Pokes his head out of the State Boardroom, speaks to Sarah in his Scottish accent that is hard to understand, especially when she wasn't prepared to be talked to.] "Are you the Toronto lady?"
Sarah: "The Truntel lady?"
Alan Cumming: "Toronto."
Sarah: "Oh -- sorry. No."
Alan Cumming: [Politely half-smiles, then shuts the door.]
Sarah: [Immediately writes this interaction down in the margins of her notepad. Plans on telling everyone she knows.]

SXSW Day 3: Eagle vs. Shark vs. Austin

The rain poured down in Austin on Sunday, but the unpleasant weather couldn't dampen filmgoers' spirits as they sprinted from theater to theater to see some of the biggest films of the day.

But before they hit the theaters, they hit the panels (specifically, the "Grindhouse" panel -- more on that from Sarah), where Robert Rodriguez and Harry Knowles discussed the collaboration between Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino. Rodriguez trotted out a clip from his "Grindhouse" segment "Planet Terror" and previewed a fake trailer by director Eli Roth that will screen during the theatrical run of "Grindhouse."

In the afternoon, festival attendees braved the elements to drive to the Alamo South Lamar, where "Diggers" -- a dramedy by "The Ten's" Ken Marino, Paul Rudd and David Wain -- made its regional premiere. The film, a bittersweet look at the lives of Long Island clam diggers and their families, was capped off by a Q&A with the filmmakers.

After "Diggers," the Alamo offered up "Eagle vs. Shark," a New Zealand-made comedy that had garnered its fair share of favorable word-of-mouth. The film didn't disappoint, creating a world in parts reminiscent of "Napoleon Dynamite," "Muriel's Wedding" and "Strictly Ballroom."

But the movies that drew the biggest lines was "What Would Jesus Buy?," a documentary produced by "Super-Size Me" director Morgan Spurlock. A film that documented the holiday shopping season and the Rev. Billy and Stop Shopping Gospel Choir's attempts to stop it, the doc played to a nearly sold-out audience at the Paramount, with the Rev. Billy and his crew of singers in attendance.

But tonight boasts the most-anticipated film of the festival, "Knocked Up," director Judd Apatow's follow-up to the "40-Year-Old Virgin." Look for a review of the film tomorrow on the blog.

March 11, 2007

Suffering Man's Interviews

Alan Cumming and David Boreanaz remained in Austin on Saturday after screening their new film “Suffering Man’s Charity” at the Paramount the day before, ready and willing to discuss what first intrigued them about the film.

“It was the intensity of it,” Cumming, who directs and stars in the tale of obsession and creative coveting, said. “I was struck by how unusual it was, how unformulaic. I knew if I didn’t do it, nobody would.”

The intensity of the shoot saturated the set, they said, resulting in a “very calm and quiet environment,” according to Boreanaz.

The mood at the festival was quite different, however, as the two joked about everything from their first meeting to yoga (then again, yoga is pretty easy to make fun of. Let’s admit it). Their joviality extended into the marketing of the film, as SXSW was flooded with “Charity” stickers, each one relaying some of the movie’s more memorable quotes (which can’t be printed here. Sorry folks).

But who can blame them? After all, Cumming has high hopes for “Charity’s” future.

“I want it to be a cult classic like ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show,’” he said. “I want the audience belting out the characters’ lines.”

Sarah will have more on Boreanaz's time at the festival this weekend.

SXSW Day 2: Big Love for Bill Paxton

Paxton.jpgBill Paxton dropped by the Austin Convention Center on Saturday to take center stage at the SXSW panel “A Conversation with Bill Paxton,” which focused on his life and diverse career, hosted by Associated Press entertainment writer Christy Lemire.

The Fort Worth-born actor, currently most notable for his work on HBO’s polygamy powerhouse “Big Love,” was inducted into the Texas Hall of Fame on Friday, where his impressive body of work was celebrated by industry insiders and film fans. Though he’s directed such critically-acclaimed fare as “Frailty” and starred in everything from “Apollo 13” to “Titanic,” the role that received the most cheers went to his over-the-top performance as big brother Chet in the John Hughes comedy “Weird Science.”

“If I do a thousand movies, it’s going to be the first one in my obit, let’s face it,” the actor laughed, before divulging details of how he came to embody the buzz-cutted character (don’t ask).

But mostly, Paxton was there to promote his love of all things Texas, relaying anecdotes of his childhood in Fort Worth, where his father (who attended the panel) would take him to see productions at the TCU playhouse and to see films at the majestic downtown movie palaces.

“It was personal to come back here,” Paxton said, “I was really thinking, ‘How did I get here?’ And part of it was growing up in Texas. There’s something about the spirit of the people down here. You can dream big.”

His career eventually took him far away from the Lone Star State -- and grounded his dreams in reality.

“I remember sitting next to a transvestite on a bus, going down Hollywood Boulevard, and I thought, ‘Is this Hollywood?’” said Paxton, who had dreamed of olive and orange trees lining beautifully landscaped streets. “I realized, God, I missed this by 50 years.”

Though the now-famous actor began his career in set design, playing set dresser to such directors as Roger Corman, he eventually transitioned into acting. His first role, he said, was in “Six o’ Clock Follies,” a “M*A*S*H*” for the Vietnam-era that lasted only one episode.

“I thought, ‘I got one day’s work this year ... next year, I’ll get two days work,” he said.

He received much more than just a couple days work after the almost cultish popularity of his “Fishhead” video that played on SNL in the early ‘80s. Soon after, he began to work steadily in the film industry, before landing his breakout role in “Science.” Since then, he’s starred in everything from huge action films such as “Twister” and “True Lies” to smaller, more homegrown films.

But despite his growing resume and recent Hall of Fame induction, Paxton still finds himself humbled now and then.

“You know, my dad is about to appear in ‘Spider-Man 3,’ and I’m on a TV show,” he laughed. “That kind of puts it all in perspective.”

Other Headliners

Paxton wasn’t the only main attraction at SXSW on Saturday as other celebs invaded the spotlight to showcase their new films. Writer/actor Ken Marino, actor Paul Rudd and writer/director David Wain all showed up for the 4 p.m. screening of their movie “The Ten” at Austin’s Paramount Theater. The film, made by “The State” and “Wet Hot American Summer” alums, is comprised of 10 comedic anecdotes, each loosely based on one of the Ten Commandments.

The theater was filled with laughter as the audience got a glimpse of the troupe’s wicked sense of humor, and the laughter only got louder as the trio took the stage following the screening for a tonge-in-cheek Q&A, where they answered inquiries about everything from the religious right’s reaction to the film (they faced off with the filmmakers in a grueling match of squash, Marino said) and the anticipated rating for the risque film (definitely an R, Wain said.)

After “The Ten” premiered, the Paramount played host to “Elvis and Anabelle,” the latest movie emerging from UT’s Burnt Orange Productions. Stars Max Minghella and Blake Lively showed up for the screening, and thanked Austin (where the movie was filmed) for its generosity.

In addition to “The Ten” and “Elvis and Anabelle,” other screenings of note included the political doc “Manufacturing Dissent” and “Everything’s Gone Green,” a film based on novelist Douglas Copeland’s (“Girlfriend in a Coma”) first screenplay that was crafted as an ode to Canada.

Sunday’s lineup is equally packed, as even more big premieres are set to take place. Included on the list are “Diggers,” another collaboration between Marino, Wain and Rudd and based partly on Marino’s childhood on Long Island; “Eagle vs. Shark,” which documents a romance between two very quirky characters”; and “What Would Jesus Buy?,” a documentary that chronicles the hectic holiday shopping season.

March 10, 2007

SXSW: Day 1

For now, the streets of Austin officially belong to film fans and computer geeks as more than 10,000 entertainment buffs rolled into Austin yesterday to take part in the film and interactive portions of South by Southwest (Translation: The city feels pretty much the same as always).

Though the traffic was unsurprisingly awful, everything else in the heart o’ Texas was at its energetic, ego-saturated, always entertaining best. Attendees were abuzz about the festival fare, with the night’s biggest screening -- the unexpectedly effective suspense flick “The Lookout” -- opening to a packed house at the Paramount.

In attendance were the film’s writer/director Scott Frank, as well as stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Isla Fisher and Matthew Goode. The cast and crew are scheduled to have a press conference regarding the film at noon today.

Other notable screenings included the documentary “Running With Arnold,” a clunky, though sometimes sly, film that takes more than its fair share of potshots at the Terminator-turned-governor; and “Suffering Man’s Charity,” an awkwardly-titled narrative that revolves around reading, writing and revenge, starring Alan Cumming and David Boreanaz (more about those two tomorrow.)

Speaking of tomorrow, the fest is expected to gain steam as even more spotlight premieres are set take place, including “The Ten,” “Elvis and Annabelle,” “Manufacturing Dissent” and “Everything’s Gone Green.”

Of course, the attendance for the events may depend on how many people can drag themselves out of bed after the opening night parties (one was a “Disturbia” happy hour at Light Bar, where the cast and crew mingled with Austinites and out-of-towners who were ready to take a load off.) The other was the film’s traditional opening night party, which took place from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. at 401 Guadalupe (Don’t worry, online party crashers -- I’ll have more from the fest’s celebratory frontline on Sunday, as the party scene really kicks into high gear).

March 9, 2007

Girl Crush Alert: Here's Another Reason to See "The Dark Knight"

Erin is on her way to Austin to the South by Southwest film and music festivals, so in her absence, I'll pass on the news about her favorite girl crush: MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL!! (Our love for her must be yelled.) Gyllenhaal is in final negotiations to star in "The Dark Knight," the sequel to Christopher Nolan's excellent "Batman Begins," replacing Katie Holmes as D.A. Rachel Dawes. Holmes apparently had scheduling conflicts/Tom wouldn't let her out of her cage.

Other new additions to the cast are Heath Ledger as The Joker and Aaron Eckhart as D.A. Harvey Dent/Two Face. This brings me great joy. "Batman Begins" ranks as one of my favorite superhero films, up there with the "Spider-Man" series, and it took years for me to purge the unholy experience that was "Batman and Robin" from my mind. Great cast, great direction, great vision, great new take on a once-thought-dead series. I can't wait.

March 7, 2007

SXSW: Let's Get This Party Started

Oh, there are so many movies and musicians slated for the South by Southwest film and music festival (or as I prefer to call it, Destination Spring Break), which kicks off in Austin on Friday.

But we have a short attention span and decided to give you a list of the highlights. Of course, we didn't want to do all the work. Oh, no, faithful readers, we want you to tell us which movies and bands you most want us to cover.

If there's something you're hankering to hear about that isn't on the list below, go to the SXSW Web site to view the full film and music lineups and tell us what you're excited about.

THE FILMS


0308knockedup.jpg

KNOCKED UP

Directed by: Judd Apatow
Starring: Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl
The story: From the writer/director of
“The 40-Year-Old Virigin,” “Knocked Up” tells the story of Allison Scott (Heigl), an E! reporter whose one-night stand with Ben (Rogen) leaves her, well, knocked up. Despite their differences, the two try to make it work for their baby’s sake.
Playing: 6:45 p.m. March 12 at the Paramount in Austin
Release date: June 1

0308disturbia.jpg

DISTURBIA

DIRECTED BY: D.J. Caruso
STARRING: Shia LaBeouf, David Morse
THE STORY: Kale (LeBeouf) finds himself placed under house arrest after a run-in with the law. He begins to spy on his neighbors from his home, one of which (Morse) Kale begins to suspect is a serial killer. But is it all just in his imagination?
PLAYING: 7 p.m. March 9, Alamo Downtown
RELEASE DATE: April 13

0308lookout.jpg

THE LOOKOUT

DIRECTED BY: Scott Frank
STARRING: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Isla Fisher
THE STORY: Chris (Gordon-Levitt), once a promising athlete, finds his life turned upside down after a tragic accident. He takes a job as a bank janitor only to find himself caught up in a planned heist.
PLAYING: 9 p.m. March 9, Paramount in Austin
RELEASE DATE: March 30

0308ten.jpg

THE TEN

DIRECTED BY: David Wain
STARRING: Paul Rudd, Ken Marino
THE STORY: “The Ten” takes a look at each of the 10 Commandments, as told through — you guessed it — 10 comedic anecdotes. From the talent behind “The State” and “Wet Hot American Summer.”
PLAYING: 4 p.m. March 10, Paramount in Austin
RELEASE DATE: Aug. 3 (limited)

0308green.jpg

EVERYTHING’S GONE GREEN

DIRECTED BY: Paul Fox
STARRING: Paulo Costanza, Steph Song
THE STORY: Ryan (Costanza), in his late-20s and not getting any younger, is tempted into a money-laundering scheme but struggles with his
ill-gotten gains while trying to find happiness.
PLAYING: 9:30 p.m. March 10, Alamo Downtown
RELEASE DATE: April 20 (limited)

THE MUSIC

Grand Champeen
The Theater Fire
Robyn Hitchcock
Sparklehorse
Alejandro Escovedo
Jon Langford & Sally Timms recalling The Mekons
John Doe
Elvis Perkins
Cold War Kids
Micah P. Hinson
Okkervil River
Jason Isbell
Antibalas
moe.
Aesop Rock
Jon Dee Graham
The Waco Brothers
The Walkmen
EL-P
Rjd2
Daniel Johnston and the Nightmares

March 6, 2007

Midnight Rodeo: The Review

MidnightRodeo.jpgActing on the desire to prove ourselves wrong, we decided to show that there's plenty to do in Abilene, namely to attend the opening of Midnight Rodeo (stop laughing), on the corner of South 2nd and How Did My Life Get This Way. Unfortunately, we like to go to clubs at a desirable hour in the evening -- you know, like when the sun has actually set. We arrived at about 11:15 p.m. to find the kind of line last seen in post-Communist Russia. While we'd like to tell you all about the club, we can only tell you about the sidewalk. We hope you enjoy.

Erin: Hey, Sarah, what did you think of the sidewalk at Midnight Rodeo?

Sarah: Well, Erin, it was cold. And hard. And smoke-filled. And below freezing.

Erin: I thought it was magical in that enchanting-melding-of-pleather-spandex-and-puffy-down-vests kind of way. It's rare to see all three fabrics in one place. Other than the thrift store.

Sarah: I agree. I especially dug the Batman baseball cap the Creepy Older Man next to me in line wore. It really stood out against the night sky as he kept elbowing me for no reason. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Erin: When did Creepy Older Men become its own demographic? They're everywhere. Make it stop! But that's an aside. I think what we really learned from the sidewalk is that if we don't want to stare at it all night, perhaps we should arrive sometime around 4 p.m.

Sarah: Touché. Apparently the alternatives our fellow club-goers opted for, after giving up on standing in line, were IHOP, the nearby club Stairs or loudly demanding someone pull their car up to the curb and turn their music up so they could dance. We all want to hear "some young Jay-Z" every now and then, don't we?

Erin: No, not really.

Sarah: At least we got to see the ... what did you call it, E?

Erin: The doorway to hell, which is actually the doorway to club Caliente next door, which is now what I'm calling hell. The Devil wears belt buckles and a belly full of booze. Hot.

Sarah: What was hot was the drunken woman who flung herself out the door after her departing friends, informing the entire line that she wanted one more dance to her favorite song. And she was never heard from again ...

Erin: Why would you go back in after you just escaped? For real. If someone told me my grandma was on fire in that club, I'd be like 'Nice knowing you, old lady!'

Sarah: RIP, Erin's grandma. I'm not going in, either.

Erin: More disturbing than a burning grandma is the fact that everyone who got to the door immediately turned away. I was starting to wonder if there was an invisible fence in the doorway that shocked anyone wearing polyester and/or a Batman cap.

Sarah: While that's a good idea, it was more fun to realize that the screaming 18-year-olds were smarter than us and, upon seeing the line that continued inside, left the scene. We didn't leave until 12:10 a.m.

Erin: 18-year-olds are not smarter than us. They just have better vision.

Sarah: Maybe the spandex blinded us from the reality that was the situation: We weren't going to make it inside to beat the 1 a.m. close.

Erin: Abilene: The City That Always Sleeps.

Sarah: The End.

Oh, Thank Heaven?

BigGulp.jpg The big news in Abilene is the sale of Skinny's, that corner store staple, to 7-Eleven, the home of the Slurpee, for a whopping $70 million. To those of you who'll mourn the loss of Skinny's Big Swig, you're not alone. My brother paused while at work in L.A. to remember his college days in Abilene:

"How are kids supposed to have [a college] experience without 79-cent Big Swigs in the summer? Being outside at dusk in Texas is probably one of the best things ever, and if you're driving to Skinny's with a friend to get a Big Swig before heading over to a [friend's] house to watch TV, it's unbeatable."

Our colleague, Brian Bethel, decided to throw his two cents in on how 7-Elevens will introduce Abilenians to a whole new world of flavor. For those of you who keep Kosher, here's a handy Web site he found that provides a list of acceptable Slurpees. For all of us, it's time to get used to the Big Gulp.

Now, on to Bethel's take:

Brian Bethel Would Like a Slurpee, Please
The advent of 7-Eleven should introduce a whole new world of flavor and color to the tired palates of Abilene convenience store connoisseurs.

Consigned to the grave is plain-Jane java. Dashed to the unforgiving earth standard sandwiches. Rejoice, for a new age of snack-smacking goodness and frozen iced beverages is nigh:

The Slurpee. Oh, there are imitators. Pretenders to the throne. Those who would wrest the frosted crown from the One, True King. But none, none shall stand against the original “icy concoction” that comes in flavors ranging from Birch Beer to Shrekalicious to Kryptonite Ice.

Who knew that the potent bane of the Man of Steel, the Man of Tomorrow, the Last Son of Krypton was oh-so flavorful, so lime-like?

Soon you will. And we’ll just call you “Lex.”

Fusion Energy Coffee. Coffee? For losers. Oh, sure you can doll it up and call it a latte or a cappuccino or a cappuccinolatte or whatever, but it’s just coffee.

Times have changed. Life is quick and fast-paced. And now, we need EXTREME coffee for our oh-so-extreme Abilene lifestyles.

Infused with the power of a variety of (presumably legal) herbs, such as ginseng, guarana and verba mate, it’s served in a bright yellow pot and is the perfect way to “seize the day,” according to the company’s Web site.

“What can you do with more energy?” Probably hit the snooze bar even faster.

1/4 Pound Big Bite Hot Dog. The King of American Meals. Allegedly. I mean, I suppose if you discount things like actual food.

Each hot dog is, and I quote (from www.7-eleven.com), “made to 7-Eleven’s rigorous specifications” and contains cutting-edge ingredients, such as cheese, relish and even chili.
Its heaviness not only assures a full stomach but the ability to use it as a small bludgeoning weapon when you’re attacked by hungry hobos living in the parking lot.

The perfect blend of science and function, the STIR CRAZY (apparently the ALL CAPITALS ARE REQUIRED), assures that your ice cream-like flavor treat are stirrably soft, even when frozen — and they come with delicious “chocolaty toppings.” Yuuuummm.

Enjoy, while blocking from your brain speculations on the exact contents of the curious chemical stew that powers this unholy stepchild of the Blizzard. -- Brian Bethel

Spidey Love

Spider-Man fans: You'd better hurry and watch the exclusive "Spider-Man 3" trailer on NBC's Web site -- it'll only be up until 11 p.m. today. If you're anything like Erin, who freaks out at the mere mention of the web-slinger, you'll want to watch this. Days until the film's premiere: 59. But it's not like we're counting or anything ...

March 1, 2007

American Idols: How the candidates measure up

Considering more people vote for "American Idol" contenders than presidential candidates, we decided that perhaps the best way to get out the vote is to put this whole election charade into perspective: Really, there's very little difference between our favorite singers and our picks for politicians. Except, you know, singers just make CDs, while presidents run the country. Aside from that, though, they're really very similar. We'll prove it.

Here's a look at a few of the candidates who have placed their hats in the ring for the 2008 presidential election and their "American Idol" counterparts. Or doppelgangers, if you will. That's a fun word, don't you think?

THE DEMOCRATS

Hillary Clinton & Clay Aiken

hillary.jpg ClayAiken3-1.jpg

Just like Aiken, Hillary has staunch supporters (though maybe not as crazy as the Claymates) and equally emphatic detractors ... but hopefully no scandalous text messages about secret hookups in North Carolina hotel rooms, if you get my drift (that’s more Bill’s speed, anyway). And though Aiken was the clear favorite in season two of “Idol,” he eventually lost the contest to Ruben Studdard; will Hillary face the same fate thanks to Obama? - ES

Barack Obama & Kelly Clarkson

obama.jpg clarkson.jpg

Obamania appears unstoppable. Like Clarkson, he's America's sweetheart. Clarkson was the first of her kind -- the first American Idol -- and charmed every crowd member with her likability and talent. After her win and first album, she continued to gain more fans by ultimately being true to herself (pretend "From Justin to Kelly" never happened). Sound familiar?

Obama captured Democrats' attentions at the '04 Democratic Convention (forget about his unsuccessful run for the House in 2000), gained a strong following and track record, gained even more fans by being the only potential nominee that opposed the Iraq War in the first place, and is the first black candidate to actually have a prayer at getting the nomination.
He's not perfect -- you wouldn't pick him or Clarkson out of a crowd as someone with star power -- but he's just so likable. And really, who would want to see Clay Aiken in concert when they could see Kelly Clarkson instead? - SC


John Edwards & Fantasia Barrino

edwards.jpg fantasia.jpg

The Carolinas sure do produce rags-to-riches stories. Edwards is the offspring of a textile mill worker and postal employee in South Carolina. At 17, Fantasia was an unwed mother and high school dropout in North Carolina.

With the help of a lucky break (well, Edwards went to college and law school and worked his way up from there), they climbed their way to the top -- all the while reminding the public of their humble beginnings. Sympathy votes from their fellow "common man"? Or actual talent? It's hard to tell, but at least Fantasia won her battle. Edwards teamed up with another candidate living in his past, and their campaign platform sunk faster than a swift boat. Fantasia's first album was a hit, but her second flopped. Now that Edwards has ditched his "Small Town" theme song, can he pull off another comeback? -SC


THE REPUBLICANS

Rudy Guiliani & Frenchie Davis

guiliani.jpg frenchie.jpg

When season two of “American Idol” kicked off, nearly every fan placed odds on Frenchie Davis as the future winner -- and then swiftly lost that bet after topless photos of the up-and-coming singer surfaced. Likewise, Guiliani has long been America’s fan fave, thanks to his quirky personality, tough talk and most importantly, his admirable response in the aftermath of 9/11. Unfortunately for Rudy, his past is not as impressive as his political presence -- he’s been married three times, with marriage No. 2 ending after reports of his affair with Judith Nathan, now wife No. 3.

Frenchie went on to perform on Broadway in “Rent” while Rudy has prepped himself for his White House bid (in essence, both are involved in show biz). But can Guiliani remain America’s idol with a less-than-idyllic personal life? -ES

John McCain & Taylor Hicks

mccain.jpg hicks.jpg

They both appear to be very, very happy with themselves much of the time. They both often defy the industry in which they exist (McCain by not always catering to his friends on the far right; Hicks by looking like a high school calculus teacher but still managing to sell records). And they both seem way, way older than they actually are (though McCain IS pretty old. Let’s admit it).

No one thought Hicks had it in him to be the “Idol” champ, but lo and behold -- come season five, Hicks was wearing the crown. And while many believe McCain is losing his often anti-politics-as-usual edge, the old man still may have some fight left in him: The Swift Vets and POWs for Truth attacked McCain in 2000 (almost as voraciously as their 2004 follow-up campaign against John Kerry) and he still came out swinging, proving even the most tasteless smear campaigns can’t keep him down. If McCain can survive that, he can survive anything. Just like Hicks prevailed over the McPheever. OK. it's a stretch. But still. -ES

Mitt Romney & Katharine McPhee

romney.jpg mcphee.jpg

Just when you think you know who the finalists will be, there's always one who comes out of nowhere, giving you a run for your money by wooing the crowd. Sure, they're bland and have nothing new to offer -- but they've got the support they need and the right investors to take them to the finals.

The McPheever nearly took Taylor Hicks down, but Mitt Romney likely won't make it as far. He's got money, but unfortunately, millions of Americans are scared to death of Mormons. It's true. McPhee just had an eating disorder, and really, who hasn't seen that after-school special? No, Romney's Mormoninity (not to mention switching his opinions on abortion and gay rights overnight) will kill his chance for the spotlight. McPhee's album hit No. 2, and she's still bland, but at least she's not Mormon. Sorry, Mitt. - SC

Prove Sarah and Erin Wrong (C'mon, Abilene!)

Entertainment writers Sarah Carlson and Erin Steele are bored.

Sarah is a recent ACU graduate who was only involved in campus activities. Erin moved from the Austin area and is still new to town. They both think there’s little to do in Abilene. Here’s where you come in: Tell them what they’re missing.

Respond to this post or send them an e-mail at news@reporternews.com with your suggestion for fun, out-of-the-ordinary activities that are ideal for young, single Abilenians — you know, besides the obvious church, family and volunteer opportunities. They’ll try out your suggestions and come up with a list of the top activities for 18-to-35-year-olds in town.

Deadline for suggestions: March 22

They Stole Our Idea.

How this woman convinced her husband to recreate the finale of "Dirty Dancing" at their wedding reception is beyond us. But you've got to admit -- it's impressive.

Oscar Fashion: Chic vs. Sick

Which of these stars looked the best on Oscar night?

PollPub.com VoteWho was the best dressed at the Oscars?
Jessica Biel

Cate Blanchett

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Kate Winslet




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Vote for the worst dressed on the jump ...

Who was the worst dressed?

PollPub.com VoteWho was the worst dressed at the Oscars?
Faye Dunaway

Kirsten Dunst

Jennifer Hudson

Meryl Streep




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Oops ... She Does It All The Time

0301britney.jpg

All right, Insiders -- tell us what you think about poor Britney. She's had her fair share of blunders, but which one really took the cake?

PollPub.com VoteWhat is Britney's biggest mistake?
Cheating on Justin Timberlake
Getting married to her childhood friend in Las Vegas
Marrying K-Fed
Driving with her baby in her lap / Almost dropping her baby
Divorcing K-Fed
Partying with Paris Hilton
Going commando
Shaving her head
Checking in and out of rehab



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Special talents: The Art of Soliciting

Here at the Insider, we want to know what YOU want. Well, not everything you want. (We have a feeling that might get a little scary. No offense.)

No, we want to know what you want to see on our site.

More TV recaps? No prob -- just tell us what shows you can't wait to see us make merciless fun of. Or do you want CD reviews? Film reviews? Local events? Analytical pieces on the importance of 1970s auteur filmmaking? We can do that, too!

Leave us a comment (as long as it begins with the words "I love you ... platonically") and let us know what you hope to see on the site. For a more detailed look at our vision for the site, pick up a copy of the March 1 Abilene Reporter-News and turn to The Insider (It's us in print. Fun!)