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Archive : April 2007

April 30, 2007

Indian Attacks! Talking Holograms! Scalps! Oh My!

ProveUsScalps.jpgAt left: Us at Frontier Texas! a few weekends ago, looking in horror at ACTUAL HUMAN SCALPS on display. Our trip to the Texas history museum was only one of our Prove Us Wrong activities that we'll talk about this Sunday. Be sure to check out the Sunday Life section and here for our run-down of what we found to occupy our time this month. We'll have more photos and a video of us in martial arts training. We're pretty horrible, so laughing at our attempts to actually hit a target with a kick should provide you plenty of fodder for hours. Days, even. Stay tuned!

A Message of Hate for the Weather Gods

Weatherlogo.jpgDear Weather Channel and/or Suddenlink Communications,

As I sat on my couch last night watching "Brothers & Sisters" and recording "The Tudors" (you can't beat a soapy, modern-day family drama as a lead-in to a look at the mother of all dysfunctional families), my TV was attacked by the Emergency Alert System (EAS). I lost control of the remote; the channel was automatically changed to the Weather Channel, and I couldn't turn it back until your stupid EAS message warning me about thunderstorms in Merkel was over. Oh, and each time the message took my TV hostage, my DVR would stop recording. This made for an expletive-filled evening as I frantically tried to get back to my scheduled programming while not missing major plot points. (I knew "B&S's" Rebecca wasn't innocent! I totally did not know that Lord on "TT" was gay!)

Why did you hijack my TV, Weather People? Why can't a crawl on the bottom of the screen warning me of thunderstorms -- as if I couldn't hear them -- suffice? I had already used the Internet -- a magical series of tubes you should consider sticking with -- to check up on the weather. That was my TV time you invaded. Mine. I'm obviously addicted and in need of help, so why would you twist the knife further and rob me of my much-need soap fix?

I'll get to the bottom of this -- trust me. For now, Weather Channel, you're dead to me. I'll no longer be in need of your services. Need to know what the weather is like? Step outside and take a guess. It worked for centuries.

April 26, 2007

Take Me Away -- I Don't Mind -- But You Better Promise Me I'll Be Back in Time

The only thing more unbelievable than Jessica Biel dating Nicolas Cage? Time travel! Yet Hollywood has made a fortune on the topic. In honor of “Next” opening in theaters this weekend, here’s a look at our favorite time-bending travel flicks. -- Erin Steele and Sarah Carlson

0426deadzone_color.jpgTHE DEAD ZONE
Why it’s great: First of all, it features Christopher Walken in quasi-crazy mode, and you can’t go wrong there. Plus, Walken’s character, Johnny Smith, is a schoolteacher turned psychic detective, which is a pretty awesome career change, I have to say. But the best part is how Smith not only sees people’s futures (by coming in physical contact with them; let’s hope this power doesn’t fall into the wrong hands) but tries to change their fates. Now that’s cool.
It's time for a fun fact! This film (and the novel by Stephen King) are both loosely based upon the life of famous psychic Peter Hurkos.

0426bill_color.jpgBILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
Why it’s great: High school can be torture, especially when a student’s ticket to graduation is an oral history presentation before the entire school (San-Dimas-High-School-football-rules!). Fortunately for Ted “Theodore” Logan (Keanu Reeves) and Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winter), a phone booth time machine transports them through time to collect colorful characters — Napoleon, Joan of Arc, Genghis Khan, Socrates, etc. — to help them make the grade. Long live Wyld Stallyns.
It's time for a fun fact! The footage for Napoleon's battle in Austria was taken from the 1956 American movie “War and Peace.”

0426groundhog_color.jpgGROUNDHOG DAY
Why it’s great: A comedy classic, “Groundhog Day” features Bill Murray reliving the titular time period over and over and over. You’d think this would make the film a one-note joke, but you’d be wrong: The movie wrings numerous laughs from our anti-hero’s unfortunate fate. Also boasting a surprisingly touching relationship between Murray and the usually wooden Andie MacDowell, “Groundhog Day” is a movie well worth revisiting.
It's time for a fun fact! Director Harold Ramis originally wanted Tom Hanks for the lead role, but decided against it, saying that Hanks was "too nice.”

0426going_color.jpg13 GOING ON 30
Why it’s great: When 13-year-old Jenna is granted her wish to become “thirty, flirty and thriving,” she’s got to survive the future corporate world with her teenage mind and adult body. Scary, but hey, at least she gets to look like Jennifer Garner and make out with Mark Ruffalo. Life can’t be that bad. Jenna infuses everything around her with a palpable vibrancy, reminding us all that it’s important not to forget the innocence and optimism of our youth.
It's time for a fun fact! The Poise article that Jenna is reading at 13 ("Thirty, Flirty & Thriving"), features the apartment that she later lives in at 30.

0426back.jpgBACK TO THE FUTURE
Why it’s great: Always entertaining and endlessly quotable, the “Back to the Future” series (perhaps minus the second installment) may be the pinnacle of cinematic odes to time travel, not to mention a key player in big-budget '80s films that ushered in the blockbuster era. Who hasn’t wanted a flying DeLorean? Who hasn’t said “Great Scot!” or mumbled something about their flux capacitor when their uncool car wasn’t working? No one. Marty McFly is everyone’s hero.
It's time for a fun fact! The chime of the Clock Tower in 1955 is intentionally the same as the chime in the 1960 movie “The Time Machine.”

Not Showing at a Theater Near You: "Diggers"

0426diggers_color.jpg"Diggers" opens in limited release Friday, and though you won’t find it here (for now), this engaging tribute to Long Island clamdiggers is worth checking out if you stumble across it. Here’s a look at a Q&A with the filmmakers and stars of the film, who attended this year’s South by Southwest film festival in Austin.

AUSTIN — In the Omni Austin Downtown, the cast and crew behind two of the South by Southwest film festival's biggest showcases, "Diggers" and "The Ten," have gathered after a long night of karaoke.

David Wain, Paul Rudd, Ken Marino and Katherine Dieckmann all sit around a conference table in the upscale hotel, the quartet's drollness undulled by drowsiness. Even after a late night of belting out who knows how many hours of tunes, the gang is still on their game.

"It was awesome. Karaoke is always awesome," Rudd said. "Actually, it's not always awesome. But it was awesome."

It's hard to say for sure if Rudd meant what he said, since he's spent the past few years in the company of Wain and Marino as part of the group's "State" company, which has crafted such camp classics as "Wet Hot American Summer."

But the group was more than happy to show off its more serious side — at least on film. The festival screened "Diggers," a drama written by Marino, directed by Dieckmann, produced by Wain and starring Marino and Rudd that tells the story of 1970s Long Island clamdiggers struggling to make ends meet. The film is based on Marino's childhood memories of growing up in New York.

Q: How personal of a story is "Diggers" for you, and what made you decide it was the right time in your career to tell it?

KM: I wanted to write a screenplay, and they always say write what you know. So I wrote what I remembered growing up; I wrote about a time and place that's special to me. And that's the story that came out.

PR: Because your father and grandfather were clamdiggers.

KM: Yes.

KD: He had a personal connection to the story.

KM: I haven't had my coffee yet.

Q: Did you already have an idea of who you wanted for certain roles while you were writing the screenplay?

KM: I didn't write any parts with anybody in mind. The only part I wrote with somebody in mind was Cons, Josh Hamilton's part: I wrote it for Peter Dinklage. But in pre-production, Peter got a TV show, and he couldn't get out of it. And so Josh came in and saved the day. And now I can't see anyone else playing that part other than Josh. And Peter Dinklage.

PR: I can still see Peter Dinklage.

DW: I could also see Ryan Reynolds doing it.

PR: I could see Ryan Reynolds playing the part.

KM: I can't. He's big. He's too big.

DW: You know who else I could see playing that part? Brent Spiner. Or Adam Arkin.

PR: Ooh, Adam Arkin. I love Adam Arkin.

KD: I think of Peter Dinklage when I look at certain shots in the movie. Like the one shot in the funeral home. If you were doing a foreshot with four actors, you'd have to frame it differently.

DW: If one of them is half the height.

PR: Then you'd be framing it for three-and-a-half actors.

DW: That's a good show, "Three-and-a-Half Actors."

PR: It got picked up for another season, guys! I've got the first season on DVD.

— Erin Steele

April 25, 2007

Our No. 1 Threat is Just So Darn Cute

This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but I thought I'd pass along this video of the polar bear Knut -- you know, the one that several frakking Nazis wanted to kill in the name of Mother Nature or some sort of "Reich" -- I'm not sure. Knut has apparently been dubbed "Germany's most famous orphan," has been at the center of an animal rights debate and recently received a death threat. Seriously, Germany: What's going on? It's a bear. It's cute, but it's a bear. Just let it live at the zoo and leave it alone.

This YouTube gem is one of MANY videos dedicated to this creature, who is adorable now but will one day grow into a merciless killer. I'm just sad America doesn't have a similar mascot.

Release Round-Up

It's relatively a slow week, so here's a look at a few new releases:

DVDs

0426Queen.jpgTHE QUEEN
Biopics are growing a tad stale — as are the award shows that kowtow to them — but Stephen Frears’ “The Queen” stands head and shoulders above the lot thanks to its strong screenplay and a brilliant performance by Helen Mirren, who eerily embodies Queen Elizabeth II. Examining the aftermath of events in the wake of Princess Diana’s death in 1997, the film gives a surprisingly balanced look at the stoic monarch’s desire to remain silent in the face of tragedy.


0426NightMuseum.jpgNIGHT AT THE MUSEUM
Good grief, a lot of you went and saw this movie. Considering its nearly $570 million worldwide box office haul, you can now expect idiotic sequels for the next several summers. I’m holding out for “Night at the Taxidermist’s: When Animals Stuff Back.”

Also in stores: "Deja Vu," "Kidnapped: The Complete Series," "NCIS: The Complete Third Season," "Harry and the Hendersons (Special Edition)," "The Drew Carrey Show: The Complete First Season," "WKRP in Cincinnati: The Complete First Season" (finally!)


CDs
0426Arctic.jpgFAVOURITE WORST NIGHTMARE, Arctic Monkeys
The British indie rock/post-punk revivalist band — known for cleaning up awards shows, refusing to make TV appearances, being accused of selling out and for having UK politicians reference them in speeches in hopes of connecting with the younger crowd — is back with its sophomore “Favourite Worst Nightmare.” Luckily, it appears the band has escaped the slump status so many hyped-up bands encounter and has delivered a solid record that progresses its sound.

Also in stores: "Twelve," Patti Smith; "Love Songs of the '70s," Donny Osmond; "The Definitive Collection," Neil Sedaka; "A Tribute to Joni Mitchell," Various Artists

VIDEO GAME
0426Rings.jpgLORD OF THE RINGS ONLINE
Time to polish up your elvish sword of great antiquity. The War of Ring? It’s on.

Early beta testers say “Lord of the Rings Online” plays a lot like “World of Warcraft,” the current 2,000-pound Balrog of online role-playing games. Not a bad strategy, considering WoW’s install base.

All the usual Tolkien suspects are here: hair-footed hobbits, doughty dwarves, effete elves and hapless humans. You can play a burglar, captain, hunter, minstrel or lore-master.

Yeah, I said minstrel. You and your happy little harp can go all around Middle Earth, bustin’ your rhymes and inspiring, healing and otherwise annoying people with your delightful little ditties. Imagine getting to visit the Prancing Pony in Bree, or the Green Dragon Inn in the Shire. And Old Tom Bombadil? He’s there, too.

So get out the pipe weed and lock your doors. Soon, you’ll be as pale as Gollum in his darkened cave— and twice as addicted. If Sauron had MMORPGs to entice his foes, then the War of the Ring would have lasted all of 15 minutes. — Brian Bethel

The Shrew Should be Tamed

Rosie2.jpgRosie O'Donnell, the former "Queen of Nice," will not extend her one-year contract with ABC's "The View," opting to leave the show in mid-June after her contract expires. Both sides say the split is amicable and comes from not being able to "agree on key elements," not from O'Donnell making offensive caricatures of Chinese, jumping in on the Clay Aiken-Kelly Ripa bitch-slap-fest, or for igniting a petty feud with Donald Trump, one of the few people on the planet more annoying than her. According to Variety, sources say she's been in talks with Warner Bros. about a possible return to daytime syndication with her own show.

Now, I was a fan of "The Rosie Show" as a young teen, flipping between it and "Oprah" after school while eating a snack (before I took a nap) because I didn't know any better. Her Tom Cruise obsession was humorous, it being before they each went off the deep end, and she had her funny moments. But that was before her political side reared its ugly head, stunning lonely, Streisand-loving housewives everywhere. Their sweet Rosie was kissing women, shaving her head and picking fights?! If that weren't bad enough, Oprah went and prescribed "Anna Karenina" for her book club. The last thing desperate housewives need is a fallen leader and Russian lit to sooth them from their suburban despair. Can Rosie really come back after all the negative headlines? What about after the retina-destroying appearance on "Nip/Tuck"? Is even Star Jones's saggy skin preferable to O'Donnell, whose disposition belies her name? Does anyone care what happens to anyone remotely involved with "The View"?

After garnering banner ratings this year, "The View" may be in for a rough spot. But it's humanity that has already lost out by giving credence to, new term, the Queen of Harpies.

Editor's note: People don't use the term "harpy" enough. I'm bringing it back.

So long, Rosie. We won't miss you, but considering you work in the entertainment industry, we won't be allowed to forget you, either.

Get Your Gospel On

Artwalk02.jpgThe 10th annual Singing Extravaganza, including an Abilene community-wide (multicultural) a cappella singing group, is set for 6 p.m. April 28 at the Paramount Theatre, 352 Cypress St. Admission is free. ArtWalk patrons were greeted to a sneak peak of the concert two weeks ago (pictured at right), and judging from the beautiful vocals and upbeat atmosphere of the preview, Extravaganza attendees won't be disappointed.

Recording artist Wayburn Dean, former lead singer for the group, Acappella, will perform, along with Stephanie Booker, Paul Williams, Minda St. Church of Christ Choral Group, North Mississippi Mass Chorus and Abilene Community Chorus.

The event is hosted by the Minda Street Church of Christ. For more information, call (325) 676-2151 or go online at http://se.mindacoc.org or www.mindacoc.org.

Concert Round-Up

Here's a look at upcoming concerts in the area:

JasonAllen.jpgBIG COUNTRY
Today’s geography lesson: Kickapoo Creek is in Trinity County, southwest of Lufkin in east Texas. “Kickapoo Creek” is also the title of a song by country singer Jason Allen (right) that was the No. 26 song of 2006 on the Best in Texas Music magazine chart. Allen sings Thursday night at Bostocks, 1348 W. Washington St., Stephenville.

Other concerts:
Thursday — Jason Allen, Bostocks (Stephenville).
April 27 — Mike McClure, Cowboys; Shy Blakeman & Whiskey Fever, Bostocks (Stephenville).
April 28 — Miser, Old Kelley’s; Aaron Watson, City Limits (Stephenville)
May 4 — Roger Creager, Cowboys.
May 5 — Ray Willie Hubbard, City Limits (Stephenville); Bart Crow, Backroads Bar & Grill (Brownwood).

-- Brien Murphy

April 24, 2007

This Week in Censorship

fcc-logo.jpgThe Federal Communications Committee will make recommendations to Congress, to be released in a report within the next week, on how it can "enact legislation to give the government unprecedented powers to curb violence in entertainment programming, according to government and TV industry sources. The Federal Communications Commission has concluded that regulating TV violence is in the public interest, particularly during times when children are likely to be viewers -- typically between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m., FCC sources say."

The report concludes that Congress has the authority to regulate violence on TV, though it is vague on the definition of "violence," and goes so far to say that the government can even control what appears on basic cable channels, which customers pay for. The FCC concedes that parents are the "first and last line of defense in protecting their children," but that giving Congress more legislative powers over what the parents' children see is beneficial to all. The times of most concern to FCC officials are the times when children are likely to be viewers -- typically between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m.

First, that's practically the entire day. Adults only get the middle of the night to watch engaging dramas? Second, when I was growing up, I had a bed time up until middle school and had certain times when I had to turn my TV off or couldn't talk on the phone. I didn't have my own TV until I was in my early teens, when my parents trusted me to make the "right" decisions on what or what not to watch. Sure, I hated them for parental controlling out MTV until I was 13, but I got over it. They were being parents, and I grew up on the joys of Nick@Nite and the Disney Channel; I got to be a kid.

Let the FCC mess with broadcast cable if it must, but not basic, and certainly not extended basic channels like HBO or Showtime. "The Sopranos" for 10-year-olds? How about not letting your kids watch "The Sopranos" in the first place? My vote is for the a la carte plan: "According to FCC sources, the report's recommendations include the creation of an "a la carte" system that would allow consumers to buy only the cable channels they want -- a favorite plan of [FCC Chairman Kevin] Martin's that is widely opposed by cable companies." That way, if parents are set on controlling what their kids see but refuse to turn the TV off, they can pick and choose their channels.

russell.jpgIn other news, Russell Simmons (pictured) and Benjamin Chavis, leaders of the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network, encouraged recording and broadcast industries to "voluntarily censor the 'misogynistic' words 'bitch' and 'ho' and the 'racially offensive' N-word from future recordings." The Don Imus dustup has spurred activists in the black community to turn their attention to rap and hip-hop lyrics that degrade women.

"'We recommend the formation of a music industry Coalition on Broadcast Standards, consisting of leading executives from music, radio and television industries,' Simmons and Chavis said on behalf of the HHSAN, an advocacy group dedicated to the cultural relevance of hip-hop music. 'The coalition would recommend guidelines for lyrical and visual standards within the industries.'"

Check Out the New Digs

0425WEBSITECOLOR.jpgThe Reporter-News Web site just received a much-needed facelift. Now, it's easier to navigate and will hopefully serve you better. And, if you're lucky, we'll have photos of skeletons and face reconstructions every day. That's how we like to say good morning in the Big Country -- eye sockets!

April 23, 2007

Abilene is the Unboringest City Ever

FrontierTexas2.jpgErin and I are coming to an end of our Prove Us Wrong days, having already tried out several events suggested to us by Abilenians. (Read up on our solicitation here.)
Locals responded both kindly and not so kindly to our request for fun things to do in town, and both sides will be rewarded when we unveil the outcome of our adventures May 6. For now, here's a look at what we've done so far:

1. Rode the Abilene Trolley for free at ArtWalk and admired the graffiti-covered walls and abandoned buildings of downtown.
2. Pushed 5 year olds out of the way so we could play with the Grace Notes wall of sound at The Grace Museum.
3. Took private lessons at Premiere Martial Arts, learning self-defense moves and how to roundhouse kick, apologizing for accidently kicking the instructor in the thigh. Hard.
4. Were the first patrons of the night at The Warehouse martini bar, where we ate a jar and a half of mixed nuts after I spilled Erin's martini on my pants.
5. Watched a giant puppet of a man-eating plant eat ACU students in "Little Shop of Horrors" while trying to figure out what was being said by the actors. Apparently, we needed to actually sit on the stage to hear the lines.
6. Laughed until we cried in the intermission of Abilene Community Theater's "A Bad Year for Tomatoes." Was the play funny? Not at all. No, Erin reenacted her favorite sketch from "Tom Goes to the Mayor" before we were subjected to the second act. That at least made the torturous evening go a tad quicker ...
7. Ran around Frontier Texas!, being followed by elderly docents who recognized us from our Prove Us Wrong promos in the paper and chided us for daring to call their home boring.
8. Were scolded by a docent at Frontier Texas! for laughing in horror at ACTUAL HUMAN SCALPS on display. Apparently, we weren't being respectful to the spirits who've gone before us.
9. Sat in a stagecoach (pictured), which was used in "Hombre" and "The Three Amigos," at Frontier Texas! and had our picture taken.
10. Attended the final classical concert of the philharmonic's season. Don't worry, big bald guy who sat in the back and snored through Wagner and Sibelius -- you deciding to snooze during a concert wasn't distracting at all. Neither were your twin daughters who kept asking "Is it over?" Trust us, you showed plenty of class by nodding off every few minutes and staying until the end.

That's just a quick summary. Be sure to pick up the paper Sunday, May 6, for a full rundown of our events and impressions of the Key City.

Greatest Hits: "Pop Threads"

Original publication date: Jan. 18

By Erin Steele

There are plenty of online vendors out there who tap into the entertainment nerd in all of us, preying on our desire to express ourselves via overpriced products.

But why allow the Internet to swallow up your hard-earned (or easily-earned — ya lazy bum) dollars, when you can craft equally entertaining pop-culture-centric shirts right in your own back yard (I mean that figuratively and literally. Arts and crafts can be messy. You might want to go outside). Buy a solid T-shirt, a few iron-ons or a permanent marker and go crazy — be the Jackson Pollock of custom-made tees (and if you don’t know who Jackson Pollock is, you should probably read more). Don’t be afraid to steal ideas; after all, that’s what pop culture is all about (though it’s usually termed “post-modernism.” Just FYI).

PopDonna.jpgDONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!
Onehorseshy.com

I think we all remember the heartbreak that was Donna Martin’s dance o’ delinquency. “Beverly Hills 90210’s” bastion of abstinence, Donna drank just one glass of champagne — one, I say! — and arrived at prom so sloppy drunk, the principal had no choice but to withhold her diploma. Luckily for Donna, her (totally platonic) friends (which included Shannon Doherty’s Brenda, and let’s face it, who could stand firm in the face of her terrifying denim vests?) demanded that the school board reconsider. Knowing that the “Beverly” brethren could buy and sell them, they relented. And they all lived happily ever after. Until the following season.

Self-made alternatives: Donna wasn’t the only teen soap star who faced a brush with non-graduation. Remember Zack Morris’ tights-clad credit-accumulating performance of “Swan Lake” (because so many high schools offer ballet class. Whatever.)? Or Felicity barely winning the right to walk the UNY stage after that little art-paper plagiarism incident? Just
because they deserved their fate doesn’t mean you shouldn’t flaunt your favorite hero/heroine’s victory over public education. Slackers rule.

PopBush.jpgGEORGE BUSH KILLED MY DOG
Onehorseshy.com

There are a plethora of reasons to dislike George W. Bush — his deity-like way of announcing, nay, DECLARING his decisions and his hooked-on-phonics-did-not-work-for-me reading/speaking skills — but when the president kills your dog, you kinda win a “Get out of Guantanamo Bay Free” card when it comes to insulting said ruler of the free world and/or backtalking the TV whenever he is on it. 'Cause only a Commie wouldn’t hold a grudge against the dude who killed his dog. I’m just saying.

Self-made alternatives: I say Bush, you say Obama. Choose your least-fave
politico and lay a false claim against them. John Kerry stole my Heinz. Dick Cheney spit on my baby. Something like that.

PopDingo.jpgA BABY STOLE MY DINGO
Palmercash.com

The perils of the Australian Outback are well documented: Drinking a few too many
Foster’s. Eating one too many fried onion petals. Allowing your offspring to be kidnapped by wild animals with very funny names. One fewer discussed danger of the Land Down Under is wild babies — ones that will steal your dingo the minute you let him out for a stroll around the yard. Maybe because Meryl hasn’t wailed about bandit babies, the world is still ignorant to these miniscule menaces. And helpless dingoes are suffering.

Self-made alternatives: Movie quotes can be reimagined in many ways. The important part is choosing one that means something to you — and then completely changing its meaning. Which kinda defeats the purpose. But it still sounds funny.

PopGrammar.jpgBAD GRAMMAR MAKES ME [SIC]
Onehorseshy.com

Sadly, correct grammar has taken a backseat to brevity these days. I suppose it shouldn’t come as a surprise considering very few people send text messages asking: “do u thnk im smrt?” Answer: :( And as long as teens continue to believe “u r hot” is meaningful conversation, we can all kiss proper grammar goodbye. But here’s a way to express your displeasure in an effective, albeit dorky, way. Your intended targets may not know what [sic] means, but that’s why they submit writings that force it to be used in the first place. Dummies.

Self-made alternatives: Anything that loudly announces your inner nerd. President of the Chess Club? Check mate! Star Mathlete? Solve that problem, killer! Sure, people might make fun of you — but they’re going to anyway. Beat them to the punch.

April 20, 2007

"Grey's Anatomy": Time and Time Again

GreysIzzie.jpgA more appropriate title for "Grey's Anatomy" might be "Stevens' Anatomy," making official what has gradually become apparent for the drama: Izzie Stevens is, in many ways, the star. Since Denny's untimely, blood-clot induced death last season, Izzie (Katherine Heigl) has steadily received more airtime, stealing scenes away from suicidal Meredith, easily the most waif-like and annoying heroine on TV. She's had her clumsy, overly idealistic moments -- her "I believe" speech to George when Meredith was frozen stiff comes to mind -- but Heigl's wounded Izzie always wins back fans, and last night's episode "Time After Time" was no exception.

Still reeling from her drunken night with George (T.R. Knight), Izzie tried confessing as a way to clear her guilty mind and move past her hurt feelings when George refused to deal with the issue. The encounter wasn't a mistake to her, and while her developing feelings for George seem contrived -- is every castmate going to sleep with everyone else by the end of this thing? -- last night almost had me convinced that a George-Izzie relationship isn't a bad idea. Except for that whole "George is already married to a woman who could crush Izzie" thing, but that's for a later episode. Last night Izzie was seeking atonement, but what she received was more pain: The adoptive parents of the 11-year-old child she gave up came to Seattle Grace looking for her. The child, Hannah, has leukemia, and she needed a bone marrow transplant from her birth mother to have a fighting chance. Izzie confided in Bailey, who dropped her clinic duties to help her, and after swallowing the blow that her daughter didn't want to meet her, she decided to give Hannah the transplant. George found out about the transplant just in time to trade places with Bailey in the procedure room and make amends.

He dropped everything -- including a coffee date with wife Callie -- to be with Izzie, even though he tried to run away again when she brought up their indiscretion. Their friendship means too much to each of them, but their past will eventually catch up with them. That's what season finales are for. The show's writers often do their characters a disservice in the plot devices they come up with, but Heigl and Knight each saved their scenes from descending into melodrama.

Meanwhile, Cristina played a game of mind chess with ex-boyfriend and visiting surgeon Colin Marlow (Roger Rees), driving home the point that she's happy as the soon-to-be Mrs. Burke; Derek realized his relationship with Meredith might hurt his chances of being chief, seeing that Richard promised Ellis he'd look after Meredith and doesn't want to see her hurt like his wife was; Meredith was rude to her stepmother, rebuffing her desire to take care of her, but eventually had her cold heart warmed by the attention; Richard tried to get back in the dating game with Mark as his wingman; and Alex grew closer to Eva, the injured amnesiac, who had her bandages removed and found a family that mistook her for their long-lost daughter.

It's like "Glengarry Glen Ross" for 11-year-olds

baldwin.jpg Alec Baldwin really hates it when people don't answer their phones, and not in the way most of us do, where we're too irritated to leave a message and just hang up halfway through whatever lame voicemail greeting we're forced to endure. Then later, when said non-answerer calls us back and gives us a half-hearted "Sorry I missed your call," we say, "It's cool," not even chiding them for earlier failing to drop everything and answer the phone.

Not so for Baldwin. He endures the voicemail greetings, if only because it buys him time to think of colorful terms of endearment to deliver such as "rude thoughtless little pig" and "pain in the a**." And hey, I'm not going to act like I'm above this kind of thing -- I plead guilty to many a late-night drunk dial that resulted in certain ex-boyfriends being referred to as farm animals or various body parts (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

The good news for me, however, is that the recipients of my tirades were grown men who just acted like they were 11 years old. Baldwin's case is far more grim: His expletive-laced meltdown was directed at his daughter, who is, in fact, 11.

TMZ.com "obtained" a tape of Baldwin's message, and by "obtained," I mean "sat back and had it dumped into their laps, most likely by Kim Basinger and her lawyer." The tape was played in family court earlier this week, where a judge found Baldwin's enraged, emotionally abusive father performance so convincing, she temporarily revoked his visitation rights (such is the curse of being the only decent actor in your family.)

Of course, telling your pre-teen daughter that she doesn't "have the brains or the decency as a human being," is pretty harsh and is also a pretty appalling sentence fragment. The decency as a human being to answer the phone? To watch "30 Rock"? To honestly tell your father that he needs to go on a diet, because the John Travolta bloat-ation plan he's currently on is working a little too well?

I don't know. What I do know is that Baldwin's oft-voiced plans to run for office are probably best shelved at this point. You know, since politicians are often forced to talk about "family values" and such.

April 19, 2007

This Won't Be as Horrifying

ShopofHorrors.jpgAs I sat in the dentist's chair this morning, wrapped in a blanket, wearing sunglasses (they made me) and listening to "Since U Been Gone" and "True Colors" and the like on the overhead radio, scenes from the "Little Shop of Horrors" production I saw last weekend kept popping into my head. Particularly the scene in which the abusive boyfriend dances around singing about killing puppies and choosing dentistry as his profession because it's the only way he can legally torture people (ahh, the pre-Bush administration days). Anyway, you can have a similar, albeit pain-free experience, by seeing ACU's "Little Shop of Horrors" this weekend or next. It's a tad uneven, and at times you'll be drawn out of the experience when you realize that you're watching a giant puppet of a giant man-eating plant sing, but it's got its charms.

Other plays opening tonight include Abilene Community Theater's "A Bad Year for Tomatoes" and "Murder at the Howard Johnson's" at McMurry University.

Some problems are bigger than gerbils

INDIA AIDS.jpg Richard Gere and Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty could face legal action after Gere dared to kiss the Indian beauty on the cheek at an AIDS awareness campaign launch. Many crowds in India have even burned effigies of Gere, which makes me wonder why they don't have anything better to do than deface images of the guy who starred in "American Gigolo" before buying his own hooker in the *love story* "Pretty Woman."

My guess? The crowds are jealous it wasn't them with whom Gere broke the law. Little known fact: "Autumn in New York" is the official film of India. For real. There are statues devoted to Winona Ryder and everything. OK, that's a lie. But I really wish it were true.

Three lawyers, who are apparently not fans of "The Hoax" (blaspheme!), have filed legal complaints stating that the mouth-on-cheek makeout session was an "obscene act" (depends on the cheek, if you ask me.) If Gere and Shetty are found guilty of being pagan lovers, they could face heavy fines or even jail time.

So O.J. can avoid prison after allegedly killing two people, but Gere could go to jail for pecking someone on the cheek like a smitten second-grader? Great. I hope his wife learned a thing or two while starring on "Law & Order" so she can save him from this mess.

Au Revoir, Winter Icon

I'm guessing last weekend was our last bout with wintry weather until at least November (though this being Texas, it's hard to say for sure), which means one very important thing: It's time to bid a fond adieu to the snowman.

snowman.jpg Sure, the flakes never really fell hard enough for us to build a mammoth snow sculpture, but every time the cold white powder started fluttering to earth, didn't you just pray there would be enough to construct your own little multi-tiered man, accented with a stylish hat crooked atop his frigid head? Didn't you rummage through your closet, hoping to select the perfect scarf -- hey, maybe one with snowmen on it! -- to wrap around his snowy neck in the off-chance that snowy neck would no longer just be part of some weird daydream and enter the realm of reality? No? Well I did. You know why? 'Cause snowmen are freakin' AWESOME!

Just think of all the cool movies and television shows that have featured snowmen: "Frosty the Snowman," "Jack Frost," "The Magic Snowman," "Santa vs. Snowman," "The Snowman who Saved Summer" (which I must see immediately), "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Oh, and "Man Beast." For real. Plus, I hear among Mormon kids, snowmen are ranked third in popularity, playing runner-up only to Jesus and Joseph Smith.

So it makes me sad that I have no real hope of seeing a snowman until much, much later in the year, if at all. A very good friend of mine is a snowman, but he morphs into a fire-man in the summer, which is also awesome, but the headgear isn't as neat. My suggestion: Unless, like me, you dream about snowmen every night, satisfy your thirst by renting a snowman movie or two. Call it Christmas in, er, April, I guess.

Blogger's note: Yes, this is a random entry. Enjoy it for its peculiar charms. Or don't.

TV's Guilty Pleasures: The confections that cure our most insatiable sweet tooth

0419insider.jpg

We should feel bad about loving these shows ... but we don’t.

1. "The Girls Next Door" (above)
Airs: Multiple times throughout the week on E! (Suddenlink channel 66)
Why it’s guilty (and a pleasure): You’d think the shenanigans at the Playboy mansion would get pretty one note (or at the very least, too hot for TV.) Not so; these three bunnies prove there’s some toughness to their fluff. Hef’s main squeeze Holly (center) shows initiative by setting up many of the mag’s spreads; Bridget (far right) boasts a B.A. in public relations, a master’s degree in communications and is working on another master’s in broadcast journalism; and Kendra (far left), well ... she’s kind of dumb, but she does have the trio’s most distinctive laugh (often lampooned by “The Soup’s” Joel McHale.) So that’s something. — Erin Steele

0419oc.jpg2. "The O.C."
Airs: In our hearts, on SOAPnet (Suddenlink channel 226), on DVD
Why it’s guilty (and a pleasure): “The O.C.” ushered in a new wave of primetime soap operas and introduced the world to brooding Ryan (Benjamin McKenzie), troubled Marissa (Mischa Barton), the wonderful Cohens and the rest of the dysfunctional gang. It was the show to watch in its prime — the perfect, bubblegum cure for a long day at work — brimming with affairs, a surprising amount of wit and the joy of watching Ryan go “all Chino” and punch people. Unfortunately, “The O.C.” took a turn for the worse in season three, killed off Marissa and never fully recovered in the ratings. At least we’ll always have the DVDs. — Sarah Carlson

0419newyork.jpg3. "I Love New York"
Airs: Throughout the week on VH1 (Suddenlink channel 37)
Why it’s guilty (and a pleasure): What are the ingredients for a guilty-pleasure reality show? Try half a cup of crazies with nicknames such as “Pootie,” “12-Pack” and “Chance”; a leading lady whose face is eerily similar to Lambchop’s (blame the big false eyelashes); and a season finale filled with the most entertaining dolphin encounters since “SeaQuest” left our fair airwaves. Yes, this is the world of “I Love New York,” which (to my dismay) recently wrapped its first season. But since star Tiffany “New York” Patterson was unceremoniously dumped by “Ninja Turtle-lookin’” Tango, let us all cross our fingers for a season two. — ES

0419realworld.jpg4. "Real World / Road Rules Challenge: Inferno 3"
Airs: 9 p.m. Tuesdays on MTV (Suddenlink channel 64)
Why it’s guilty (and a pleasure): The 14th season of the deliciously horrible Real World/Road Rules Challenge brings us The Inferno 3, a competition between MTV’s reality show alumni. Contestants are split into two teams and have to perform often outrageous physical challenges, both as a team and individually. Cat fights, back-stabbing, sleazy hookups, regular fights, name-calling, alliances, betrayals — you name it, the Inferno has it. The castmates aren’t exactly “intelligent,” so you’re assured an amusing time by watching the Neanderthal men and less-than-respectable women demonstrate the darkest aspects of human nature. — SC

0419lasvegas.jpg5. "Las Vegas"
Airs: 8 p.m. Fridays on NBC (Suddenlink channel 5)
Why it’s guilty (and a pleasure): By no means a “good” show, this NBC
drama is packed with nearly soap-operatic revelations each episode, all taking place against the backdrop of Sin City. Intrigued? You should be. The beautiful staff of the fictional Montecito Hotel and Casino includes “All My Children” alum Josh Duhamel; “General Hospital” alum Vanessa Marcil; and “Godfather” alum James Caan (which of these things is not like the others, you ask.) Add in model Molly Sims and failed WB sitcom castaway Nikki Cox, and you’ve got the kind of slick TV that’s impossible to turn away from. Don’t fight it. Just enjoy. — ES

0419kirk.jpg6. "E! True Hollywood Story"
Airs: Throughout the week on E! (Suddenlink channel 66)
Why it’s guilty (and a pleasure): Have you ever seen what pure, unadulterated joy looks like? Just watch my face as I gaze upon the glory that is the E! “True Hollywood Story.” This tabloid-esque behind-the-scenes look at everything from celebrity love lives to ’80s-era sitcoms is classic trash TV. Unfortunately, “THS” has already reached its pinnacle with its expose on the set of “Growing Pains.” Born-again Christians, anorexics, death threats to little brother Ben — who knew an innocuous “Family Ties” rip-off would be rife with so much on-set drama? “THS,” that’s who. — ES

April 18, 2007

Remembering their lives, not their deaths.

The New York Times has put together a tribute to those who lost their lives at Virginia Tech on Monday. The newspaper compiled biographies and photographs of each of the 32 victims, choosing to focus more on their lives -- and the way in which they affected those around them -- than their deaths, something which is done far too rarely in media coverage of tragic events. Check out the tribute here.

Lily Allen embraces Robert Downey Jr.'s success scheme

lilalln.jpg U.K songstress Lily Allen has canceled the American leg of her tour because "I am tired, but more than that I don't think I have been giving my best performances recently," the singer wrote on her MySpace blog. "I have been getting really drunk because I've been so nervous about doing bad shows, and I don't want people spending money on going to see a show that isn't the best it could be."

Wouldn't it be great if everyone had a job where being drunk all the time was a reasonable excuse to not come to work? I mean, the rest of the world has to run a comb through its hair, put on a pair of sunglasses and down a bottle of Sweet Breath while coughing the word "flu" at every stupid person who thinks it's witty/appropriate to question why you aren't your usual chipper self today. BACK OFF PEOPLE! I'M NERVOUS.

Anyway. I guess it's good that Allen doesn't want to disappoint/rip off her audience, but you know what would be even better: Sober up, you drunken wench. Either that, or learn to play quality shows while you're hammered. If the Rolling Stones never performed when they were wasted, then they would have, well, NEVER performed. If Keith Richards can crawl on stage after snorting his father's ashes and falling headfirst from a palm tree, then surely Allen can grasp a mic after a few Amstel Lights.

Allen's Los Angeles and New York dates will still be honored, as will the Coachella and Bonaroo festivals. There are about 10 canceled shows that will be rescheduled.

We All Everybody

LostDesmondBeach.jpgAll right, "Lost" fans: Entertainment Weekly's Jeff Jensen may be obsessive in his theories, but he's provided a few interesting insights into the "Lost" world and its possible philosophies. Tonight's episode, "Catch-22," is Desmond-centric and some of Jensen's ideas on it and the series are quite a stretch. Although his thought-out piece at times reads like a recap of the philosophy classes you forgot about, I think he's on to something in his look at the works of Nietzsche and Kierkegaard and how they relate to the overall themes of the show. He also could be giving the show's writers way too much credit, as they obviously made storylines up as they went, but here's hoping he's right and that there is a good reason we've stuck with the show so long.

This Really Will Live Forever

Fame 1.jpgIn another sign that nothing made in the '80s is sacred (A remake of "Weird Science"? Say it isn't so!), MGM is backing a remake of the 1980 movie "Fame." The Allan Parker film followed aspiring performers at the New York Academy of Performing Arts and helped usher in a decade of slouch socks, ripped work-out tees and bike shorts over sweatpants, best worn by Josh Brolin in "The Goonies." It's not great, but it's a "classic" in the sense that it came out in a decade in which Anthony Michael Hall was an "actor" and Michael Jackson was "black." You can't help but not hate it.

According to THR:

[MGM COO Rick] Sands said MGM has hired a writer and director for the project but offered no further details. Casting has not yet begun. He said the studio plans to retain many of the musical elements of the original movie that also launched a global television hit and international stage show.

"We'll update it, (but) we'll still keep some of the songs. The script is being written right now, but we are keeping it under wraps. There will be a strong musical component, though," Sands said.

I believe the update they're looking for already came in "Center Stage," but it didn't have the catchy tunes. And by catchy, I mean horrible.

Concert Round-Up

Here's a look at upcoming concerts in the area:

GaryAllan.jpgWEST TEXAS
Country singer Gary Allan (“Life Ain’t Always Beautiful,” “Nothing On But The Radio”) has endured more than most successful musicians: his record label closed down, he followed up a promising hit single with songs that didn’t do so well, and his wife committed suicide. But Allan, pictured, also has three No. 1 hits (including “Man to Man”), and his career seems to getting better with time. He performs with Cross Canadian Ragweed and Wade Bowen. Friday, Kay Yeager Coliseum, Wichita Falls. Tickets: $33.50/ $27.50. Contact: (940) 716-5555 or www.wfmpec.com.

DALLAS/FORT WORTH
Enjoy standup comedy? Good luck finding any in Abilene. For that, you need to go to Dallas-Fort Worth, where you can laugh along with the Latin Kings of Comedy, hosted by Paul Rodriguez. 8 p.m. Friday, Nokia Theatre, Grand Prairie. Tickets: $40/$35/$30, available online at www.ticketmaster.com.

Other Events:
Thursday — Steve Holy, Guitars & Cadillacs
April 21 — Cross Canadian Ragweed/Reckless Kelly/Ryan James, Taylor County Expo Center; Sandi Patti, Junnell Center (San Angelo)
April 26 — Jason Allen, Bostocks (Stephenville)
April 27 — Mike McClure, Cowboys; Shy Blakeman & Whiskey Fever, Bostocks (Stephenville)
April 28 — Miser, Old Kelley’s; Aaron Watson, City Limits (Stephenville); Hurt Street, Bostocks (Stephenville)

-- Brien Murphy

April 17, 2007

All my friends are so small town / My parents live in the same small town / My Job is So Small Town

EdwardsKerry.jpgIt takes a lot of effort to look this pretty. According to a new AP story:

[John Edwards'] campaign committee picked up the tab for two haircuts at $400 each by celebrity stylist Joseph Torrenueva of Beverly Hills, Calif., according to a financial report filed with the Federal Election Commission. FEC records show Edwards also availed himself of $250 in services from a trendy salon and spa in Dubuque, Iowa, and $225 in services from the Pink Sapphire in Manchester, N.H., which is described on its Web site as “a unique boutique for the mind, body and face” that caters mostly to women. A spokeswoman for Edwards’ campaign did not respond to requests for comment.

This is a great day for sons of mill workers -- you, too, can claw your way to the top by being a trial lawyer and later a senator, all the while promising to help the little guy. Once the little guy believes you and votes for you, you'll be able to give Paris Hilton a run for her money in terms of hair care. So that's why Kerry was always touching him ... he just had to be close to those luscious locks.

This video was already featured on "The Daily Show," but it's worth watching again:

That's Metaphorlicious!

colbert.jpgseanpenn.jpg

Sean Penn has accepted Stephen Colbert's challenge for a Metaphor-Off after Colbert -- friend of the site -- called Penn out on his show over Penn's nearly illiterate metaphors about Bush and his cronies. At a March 24 town hall meeting in Oakland, Calif., Penn had this to say about Dubya:

"We cower as you point your fingers telling us to support our troops while you and the smarmy pundits in your pocket, those who bathe in the moisture of your soiled and blood-soaked underwear, can take that noise and shove it."

Colbert criticized Penn's sloppy, confusing metaphor about Bush's undies, challenging him to a duel of comparisons, which will go down Thursday. My vote is for Colbert -- he's pretty smart, Penn. You might want to be an eighth-grade English textbook and study up. Hopefully, Colbert will point out that you only added fuel to the fire by criticizing Bush and his Bushies, which didn't leave all the king's men smoldering but rather mocking your tangled web of hair, which sprouted out of your head like weeds. Damn -- that ended with both a mixed metaphor and a simile. Good luck, guy.

Muppets Take the Airwaves, Installment 2

lambchop.jpg newyork.jpg


OK, Lambchop isn't technically a Muppet, but she's a puppet, and as far as I'm concerned, that's close enough. I wonder if the famous wool-wearer knows that she has a doppelganger who hangs out in the hallowed halls of VH1's reality programming? Which is to say that Tiffany "New York" Patterson, star of the self-titled dating debacle "I Love New York," looks a lot like Lambchop. Sure, she doesn't sing "The Song that Doesn't End," but I bet she would if it would grant her another 15 minutes in the spotlight. Or another 15 rounds of plastic surgery.

Mamma Mia! This is the Most Random Musical Ever!

Colin Firth.jpgColin "wet shirt" Firth has joined the cast of "Mamma Mia!" -- the screen version of the hit ABBA-loving musical. He joins Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Amanda Seyfried, Stellan Skarsgard and Christine Baranski. This means the guy who will always be known as Darcy joins the girl from "Mean Girls," Prof. Gerald Lambeau from "Good Will Hunting," James Bond, and the woman from "Cybill." Awesome.

According to THR:

The story revolves around a bride-to-be (Seyfried) and her formerly rebellious mom (Streep) who raised her on a Greek island and never disclosed the identity of her father. The bride locates three men who might be her father and invites them to her wedding. The musical features 22 ABBA songs, including "Dancing Queen," "Take a Chance on Me" and "The Winner Takes It All."

Firth is one of the three possible fathers, a British businessman. Firth previously sang, though briefly, in "The Importance of Being Earnest," but "Mamma Mia!" will be his first musical.

Skarsgard plays another possible dad. Baranski portrays a plastic surgery-loving party girl in her 40s who is bossy and boozy.

Now that I have "Dancing Queen" in my head, my only hope is that they work in a scene where The Firth has to go swimming in his clothes and will later gaze longingly at someone as she plays the piano. And then Pierce will shoot him, Meryl will cry and win an Oscar for it, and Stellan will just sit there and smoke, looking bored. The end.

Release Round-Up

Today's CD releases are Avril Lavigne's "The Best Damn Thing," Nine Inch Nails' "Year Zero" and Bucky Covington's self-titled debut. I know nothing/care nothing about these artists, other than I like Cash's cover of Nails' "Hurt" and I'm pretty sure Bucky's parents hate him. So, I'm sticking with DVDs today. Here's a look at some of today's new releases:

DVDs

FreedomWriters.jpg"Freedom Writers"
For those with the urge to see another "white woman helps underprivileged students learn something valuable" story, the Hilary Swank-led "Freedom Writers" is for you. Despite its predictability, critics said the film's honest look at the public school education system and the lives of the students is what makes it worth watching.




HistoryBoys.jpg"The History Boys"
While probably not as good as the original staged version, "The History Boys" presents and interesting and witty look at a group of bright students preparing for their entry exams into either Oxford or Cambridge. They're caught between their English master (Richard Griffiths), who has a fondness for fondling, and their shrewd teacher brought in to raise their test scores (Stephen Campbell Moore). More than a battle of wits, it's a battle of ideas, and a look at unbridled youth and intelligence and how the students will or won't use their gifts.




KingScotland.jpg"The Last King of Scotland"
In the 1970s, a young Scottish doctor (James McAvoy) travels to Uganda to work in a rural hospital and do some good. He catches the attention of the dictator Idi Amin (Forest Whitaker, who won an Oscar for his role) in a chance encounter and is eventually hired as his personal physician and given a position in the national health department. He becomes entangled in Amin's life and political corruption, but soon realizes he has to escape from the erratic leader.




NotesScandal.jpg"Notes on a Scandal"
When an elderly schoolteacher (Dench) develops a dangerous infatuation with a young, bohemian teacher (Blanchett), she attempts to take her under her wing. But, when she discovers that the younger teacher's affair with a teenage student, she turns on her, and the two battle it out in a psychological war that can't end well. Both Dench and Blanchett were nominated for Oscars for their roles.




SmokinAces.jpg"Smokin' Aces"
In Quentin Tarantino-esque fashion, a group of assassins is out to kill Buddy "Aces" Israel (Jeremy Piven), a former Vegas performer who's about to rat on the mob. Reviews were mixed, but here's an excerpt from my favorite one by the New York Times' A.O. Scott: "A Viagra suppository for compulsive action fetishists and a movie that may not only be dumb in itself, but also the cause of dumbness in others."




Spiderman2.1.jpg"Spider-Man 2.1"
"Spider-Man 2.1" offers eight minutes of new footage, including extended action sequences and a sneak peek of "Spider-Man 3." Eight minutes isn't much, but even if you don't buy this new version, it's a good idea to refresh your memory before the May 4 debut of the third Spidey installment.





April 16, 2007

Tobey Maguire Isn't Intense, He Just Looks That Way

Tobey.jpgThe cast of "Spider-Man 3" walked the red carpet in Japan on Monday at the world premiere of the hopefully final installment of one of the best superhero film franchises. But talk is swirling about a possible "Spider-Man 4," and both Maguire and Kirsten Dunst seem apprehensive.

According to Variety: "Maguire has been coy about whether this is his final "Spider-Man" movie. 'I feel like this film is kind of a natural conclusion to a lot of stuff that's happened in the first two movies,' Maguire said. 'It kind of feels like a natural trilogy,' the 31-year-old actor said, adding that he's open to donning the Spider-Man suit again 'if a story presents itself, if we come up with something we feel deserves to be told.' I'm not going to make them just because they've been successful.'"

Dunst told Entertainment Weekly that she would only return if Maguire and director Sam Raimi did as well. ''It's disrespectful to the whole team, I think, to do that. And audiences aren't stupid," she said. "It'd be a big flop without me, Tobey, or Sam. That would really not be the smartest move. But they know that already. [Sony chief] Amy Pascal would never do that.''

Raimi is reportedly interested in filming "The Hobbit," depending on whether Peter Jackson settles his feud with New Line. Despite saying ''Peter Jackson might be the best filmmaker on the planet right now," which makes him delusional in my book, Raimi could be capable of pulling off "The Hobbit." But do we want a "Spider-Man 4"? Sony's President of Production Matt Tolmach seems to think so, according to EW.

''Listen, we're making Spider-Man 4," he said. Our hope, dream, and intention is to do it with Sam. But I don't have a crystal ball.''

Will the Price Ever Be Right Again?

CBS has narrowed the candidates in the running to replace Bob Barker, host of "The Price is Right," down to three: "Entertainment Tonight" co-host Mark Steines, actor George Hamilton and Las Vegas' "The Price Is Right" stage show host Todd Newton. Barker will tape his last show in June, retiring after 35 years of holding that skinny mic and feigning disappointment when contestants ended up with a ceramic poodle instead of a yacht. According to the Hollywood Reporter, "CBS might hold off on announcing Barker's successor until its two-night primetime sendoff to the 50-year showbiz veteran on May 16 and 17."

So, which one of these guys do you want to see hosting the best game show ever? Take our poll. We'll be sure to send the results to CBS. It will totally make a difference. We swear.

Greatest Hits: "Sad Songs Say So Much"

Original publication date: Feb. 15

So your Valentine’s Day didn’t go as planned ... exorcise those love pangs by popping your favorite breakup tunes into the CD player (make sure everyone else can hear them, too, just in case they’re selfish enough to be happy when you’re not).

alanis-morissette5.jpgTHE VINDICTIVE BREAKUP
Planning a last-minute road trip to Florida to greet your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend? No problem! Throw your wigs and rope into the trunk, strap on your diaper and pop Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” into the CD player — it’s sure to get you in that peppy, pepper-spraying kinda mood. (No doubt the melody will still be rattling around in your brain as you’re fingerprinted. Belt out a few notes for that special police officer in your life).

Of course, no one wants the guy who was just ditched to feel left out — fellas should indulge in Blue October’s “Breakfast After 10,” which instructs you on how to get back at your ex in the most infantile way possible (and everyone knows there’s nothing quite as fun as that). Plus, you’ll get to screech a lot as you sing it, and that can be therapeutic. Right? — Erin Steele


THE PLEASANT BREAKUP
Denton one-hit wonder Deep Blue Something gave hope to everyone who does NOT want a vindictive breakup: "Breakfast at Tiffany's," where a couple that really has no future at least can say, hey, we both kinda liked it (the film version, that is). So their time together wasn't a total loss or a complete waste of time. When you break up, you can use a dose of self-confidence. — Brien Murphy


Michael Bolton - Michael Bolton.jpgTHE EXTREME DEPRESSION BREAKUP
Binoculars? Check. Dark clothing? Check. Trusty Captain Morgan at your side? Check and check. If you’re parked across the street from your ex’s place, stalking his or her every move and wiping your tears with his or her favorite shirt you claim you don’t have, you’re a few steps beyond the Sensitive Dude or Lilith Fair Breakups (see below). Now it’s time to turn to Michael Bolton, that long-maned minx (I’m pretending he never cut his locks) whose anthem “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” will help you through these dark times.

Need a more current tune to put on repeat when you can’t get out of bed the next day? JamesBlunt’s “Goodbye My Lover” should keep you un-showered and unloved for weeks. Maybe months. — Sarah Carlson

THE NEW WAVE BREAKUP
Greg Kihn was really on to something in 1981 with "The Breakup Song" (even if the title was a little obvious). The last place you want to be when you've "broken up for good just an hour ago" is "staring at all the bodies as they're dancing 'cross the floor" ... and the stupid band chooses THAT moment to play a slow song. Sure, you're sad when you break up, but don't forget the very valid emotion of anger. Indeed, they don't write 'em like that anymore. — BM


bon jovi.jpgTHE HAIR BAND BREAKUP
We can’t all be Tommy and Gina. Sometimes, even our most fervent prayers can’t save our relationships, no matter how loud we shout our affections or how hard we pump our fists in the air. For these heartbreaks, we must turn to the master: Bon Jovi, with “You Give Love a Bad Name.” While it’s not going the Vindictive Breakup route (Huggies are expensive), belting out ’80s glam rock in the privacy of your vehicle can be therapeutic. Later on, hold your lighter in the air (20 feet away from any building, mind you) and remember the good times, all images in soft focus and with a surprising amount of glitter.

But remember: Just like every night has its dawn, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” You’ll bounce back. Thanks for the tip, Poison! — SC


celine3.jpgTHE ‘I DON’T CARE HOW STUPID THIS SONG IS, IT SOOTHES ME’ BREAKUP
Turning to Celine Dion in a time of crisis is the musical equivalent of chasing Vicodin with a few martinis — you know it’s potentially lethal, but somehow it just seems like a good idea at the time. If you must take the French-Canadian route, listen to “My Heart Will Go On” — it might remind you of how bad “Titanic” was, and that’s always good for a laugh.

For a less glass-breaking — but equally cheesy — alternative, turn to Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart.” You can unbreak your budget by picking it up in the bargain bin. — ES


THE ‘WHY DIDN’T I DO THIS SOONER?’ BREAKUP
If you’re the one who did the dumping and are regretting ever dating that guy you met in the Skinny’s checkout line, it’s time to celebrate your freedom with Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust.” You’re not a heartbreaker; you just have a penchant for picking losers. Crank up Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” and enjoy the single life. Reinforcing the belief that you’ll survive may come in handy if you see Mr. Big Swig sitting in his car across the street from your apartment. It happens. — SC


THE LILITH FAIR BREAKUP
Don’t breakups make you feel a little like you’re a teenager again? When you swore you’d never forget your high school boyfriend as you listened to Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” for the eight millionth time only to discover, years later, that you can’t even remember his name (he sure was cute, though). Or how you’d tell yourself, “I’ll never leave the cap off the toothpaste,” as you’d listen to Jewel croon “You Were Meant For Me” (failing to realize at such a young age that any guy who gets so incredibly anal over a toothpaste cap probably isn’t worth dating anyway).

Yes, the artists of Lilith Fair were our tour guides through a plethora of tough emotions as we’d go to bed so exhausted from crying that we wouldn’t even take our retainers out. So go ahead: let them comfort you again. At least now, you can listen to “Foolish Games” with a glass of wine in hand. — ES


chrismartin_oxfam-736543.jpgTHE SENSITIVE DUDE BREAKUP
So that harlot went and shattered your heart, huh? Why’d she even accept all of those mix CDs and that poem you wrote for her and personally framed if she was just going to smash it to pieces? YOU WOULD HAVE NAMED YOUR DAUGHTER APPLE FOR HER! Don’t worry, man. Just put on a pot of Earl Grey, pop in any of Coldplay’s CDs and curl up in a fetal position. We recommend “Trouble,” “We Never Change” and “Shiver” from the album “Parachutes,” and “Warning Sign” and “The Scientist” from “A Rush of Blood to the Head.” For variety, turn to John Mayer’s “Come Back to Bed.”

Women can be cruel, but that’s nothing a falsetto voice on a rainy day can’t cure. Keep looking for your Gwyneth — she’s out there. But you should probably stop crying first. — SC

April 13, 2007

This 'Stranger' is Perfect

The new Halle Berry and Bruce Willis flick, "Perfect Stranger," is sitting at an 11 percent fresh rating on rottentomatoes.com at the moment -- another flop (at least critically) for Berry, whose Oscar-winning days are a thing of her pre-"Catwoman" past. Instead of torturing yourself this weekend by seeing "Strangers," or by renting her award-winning film "Monster's Ball" (also is torture in my book), just watch this YouTube clip of the better "Perfect Stranger" -- "Perfect Strangers," that is. If I could create a perfect TV channel, this show would be on it. I miss Cousin Larry and Balki. But doesn't everyone?

America's Got Crappy Reality Shows

leonid.jpgNBC unveiled its summer TV lineup yesterday to the excitement of no one, and unless you hate yourself or have a penchant for watching horrible reality shows, you should probably triple your summer reading list. It's going to be a long one.

"America's Got Talent" (May 29), "Last Comic Standing" (June 13) and "The Biggest Loser" (TBA) are all returning, and a new "dating show with a twist, "The Age of Love," will premiere June 18. Fox is bringing back "So You Think You Can Dance?" and ABC will launch a new series, "The Next Best Thing: Who Is the Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?"

The biggest loser in this batch is undoubtedly "America's Got Talent," which unleashed Leonid the Magnificent (pictured) on an unknowing public -- not to mention David Hasselhoff. (For more bizarre pictures of Leonid, whom The Hasselhoff kept around on the show as a "wild card," visit his Web site. It doesn't disappoint.) Millions of talentless Americans will likely tune in to all of these shows, giving the networks the go-ahead to create even more crappy reality shows. Quit being Hollywood's enabler, people. Just say no.

This is why I pay for extended cable channels. I'm counting on all my HBO, Showtime and Encore channels to sustain me through the scorching summer months.

April 12, 2007

Muppets take the Airwaves

imus.jpgI'm not going to weigh in on the recent Don Imus controversy, mostly because I think the talk-show host and fellow famewhores Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton aren't worth addressing in any serious way.

samflag.jpgStill, there is something that has become obvious to me over the past few days of Rutgersgate that I simply cannot keep to myself any longer: Don Imus looks exactly like the blue Eagle who sat in the balcony on the Muppets. I don't believe he made an appearance on "Muppet Babies" (which was my favorite entry in the Henson franchise, other than "Labyrinth"), but his terrifying face has remained burned in my memory.

Judge for yourself.

So Dark the Con of Hollywood

HanksCode.jpgFans of Tom Hank's semi-mullet, rejoice! Hanks and director Ron Howard are reportedly in final negotiations to bring "Angels & Demons," the prequel to "The Da Vinci Code," to the screen. Hanks will reprise his role as Professor Robert Langdon, oh he of sexy stubble and bad dialogue, which rises to the level of verbal diarrhea in the hands of Dan Brown.

"The Da Vinci Code" was panned by critics, but a $758 million worldwide box-office haul will always win in the long run. According to The Hollywood Reporter, "Internet rumors have been swirling that Hanks is about to receive Hollywood's biggest payday ever." I've heard "Angels & Demons" is the better of the two and in it, according to Amazon.com, "Langdon is shocked to find proof that the legendary secret society, the Illuminati -- dedicated since the time of Galileo to promoting the interests of science and condemning the blind faith of Catholicism -- is alive, well, and murderously active." I'm assuming more happens, but I didn't feel like ready any further.

Let's at least hope they cast a more believable love interest for the prof this time because no one bought the Audrey Tautou-Tom Hanks pairing for a second. That's like pairing Nicolas Cage with Jessica Biel. Talk about boxing out of your weight class.

Disturbance in the 'Burbs

0412insiderColor.jpg

‘Disturbia’ continues Hollywood’s long tradition of delving into the seedy underbelly of suburbia.

In honor of the film’s Friday release, here’s our look at some of the genre’s recent entries

0412beauty_color.jpg<< AMERICAN BEAUTY
When a depressed man grows tired of his perfect life, he quits his job and brings new definition to “mid-life crisis” — especially when he becomes infatuated with his daughter’s friend. “Beauty” blows apart the often rose-tinted view of suburban life.



0412arlington_color.jpg>> ARLINGTON ROAD
This 1999 film is even more disturbing in our post-9/11 world. After his FBI-agent wife is killed in an anti-terrorism operation, a professor becomes obsessed with the subject and is soon convinced his new neighbors are terrorists. Are they?


Chumbscrubber.jpg<< THE CHUMSCRUBBER
This clumsy tale of pill-popping teens and their clueless parents, nestled within the cockles of suburbia, was marketed as a look at “Generation Rx.” Still, it has some (unintentionally) entertaining moments (you’ll never look at dolphins the same.)



0412darko_color.jpg>> DONNIE DARKO
This modern-day cult classic was two-parts suburban dysfunction, one-part thriller. The only thing scarier than Donnie’s imaginary bunny friend are the eccentrics who line his otherwise unassuming neighborhood.


Happiness.jpg<< HAPPINESS
Perhaps one of cinema’s gutsiest, most controversial looks at “ordinary” people, “Happiness” is populated by suburbanites with a stream of peculiar problems (including a wannabe hermit, a phone-sex addict and a pedophile.) It’s not for the squeamish.


0412virgin_color.jpg>> THE VIRGIN SUICIDES
Sofia Coppola’s first feature-length film provides a haunting look at the five Lisbon sisters and their isolation in the suburbs. When one of the sisters commits suicide, it’s pretty much downhill for the rest. “Suicides” is dark, unsettling and beautiful.

"Lost": Keep Your Friends Close ...

LostJulietPurple.jpgOh, Juliet. Her soul isn't quite as tortured as those belonging to other "Lost" characters, but she is one of the hardest to figure out. We’ve never known where her loyalties truly lie, but in last night's excellent “One of Us,” we stepped much closer to discovering her motivation for cooperating with the Others and who’s side she’s really on: Her own.

Juliet made it back to the beach with Jack, Kate and Sayid, and the question on every survivor's mind was whether she could be trusted. Jack stood by her, using his position as leader to demand respect for, or at least tolerance of, his new friend -- someone who happens to be “one of them,” a group that kidnapped Claire, nearly killed Charlie and held several of them captive. Juliet has Jack convinced, and she almost had the viewers as well … that is, until the final minutes of the episode.

But first, her background: She went to the island under the false pretense that she’d be able to return to home to Miami in six months. The Others needed her medical skills and research to try and solve their community's problem: Women can’t stay pregnant. Their bodies attack the fetuses as a foreign object, and they die. Considering Juliet made her infertile and cancer-ridden sister, Rachel, pregnant, she was to be the community’s hope. The details for her job were vague, and Richard Alpert and Ethan Rom, under the guise of employees at Mittelos Bioscience, wouldn’t tell her where she was going. But with the promise that she’d be able to make a difference in the world, to use her special talents to help others, she quickly signed up for the journey. That was three years ago.

No matter what she tried, she still couldn’t find a way to cure the island community’s women. Mothers kept dying, but Juliet’s pleas to Ben to let her go back to the states to see Rachel give birth were denied. When her six months were up, Ben told her that Rachel’s cancer had returned. If she stayed to do more work, he’d have Rachel cured. If she left, she’d be going home to say goodbye to her sister for good. She stays, and we learn later that Rachel was indeed cured and is now the mother of a healthy boy, Julian. Ben couldn’t cure his own cancer -- Why can he cure cancer anywhere but on the island? Why can Juliet make infertile women pregnant anywhere but on the island?

Back at the camp, the survivors were arguing over whether to trust Juliet when Claire, who had been feeling bad earlier, became violently ill, vomiting blood and passing out. Jack tried to figure out what was happening until Juliet shared one of her many secrets: She’s the reason Claire is sick. Ethan was placed in the camp to take blood samples from Claire and inject her with Juliet’s medication to see if her body would react differently than the other pregnant women. It worked, and the medicine kept her alive and allowed her to give birth to Aaron. But once Hurley discovered Ethan was an Other, Ethan kidnapped Claire on his own and administered the medication. Now, as Juliet told Jack, Claire is suffering delayed withdrawal symptoms and needed the medication, which happened to be hidden in Ethan’s old hiding spot, to survive. Juliet retrieves the medication, gives it to Claire who recovers, and gains acceptance among the survivors -- all as planned.

A final flashback showed Ben coaching Juliet on how she was going to handcuff herself to Kate in the jungle and pretend to have been left behind by the Others, going back to the camp with Jack. Claire wasn’t suffering withdrawal symptoms -- Ben triggered something in her system that had presumably been implanted, timing it out so that Juliet would save her life just in time and be accepted. Now, she just has to wait, lying to Jack and the rest of the survivors until the Others show up in less than a week.

Most of the flashbacks showed Juliet depressed, missing her family and begging to leave. She still wants off the island, which is what makes Jack trust her. So why is she still playing along with Ben and the Others? What’s motivating her to betray Jack? "Lost's" characters all have dark pasts and shady motives, especially Locke and Sawyer, but Juliet remains one of the island's biggest mysteries. She's not a bad person, but I can't figure out why she carries out the Others' biddings.

With the submarine destroyed, there's no telling what Ben has in store for the survivors, or what Juliet will try to accomplish before his arrival at camp. For now, we can only sit and wait, just like the survivors will, until the inevitable showdown.

April 11, 2007

THE SELLECK® Might Return to TV Along With Its Owner, Tom

TomSelleck.jpgTom Selleck is in talks to take the lead of NBC's "Las Vegas," a show I wasn't aware was still on and that I'm pretty sure no one watches. According to The Hollywood Reporter, and a writer that appears to really like this show, Selleck would "play the smart, powerful, fun-loving new owner of Montecito Resort & Casino, a new character designed to fill the void left by the recent departure of the show's star James Caan."

Selleck gracing the casino halls of Vegas would mark his first return to a regular role on a drama since his glorious Magnum, P.I. days. His stint as Richard on "Friends" is my favorite Selleck role (although the episodes in which he'd shaved his moustache are noncanonical in my book), but is the world ready for the return of Selleck, not to mention The Selleck®? I say yes, but not on a show that co-stars that guy from "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton." If you want to really please fans of short shorts and facial hair everywhere, NBC, not to mention finally find that perfect show to air after "Heroes," bring "Magnum" back. Now.

Release Round-Up

Here's a look at this week's releases:

DVDs

BloodDiamond.jpgBlood Diamond
"Diamond" wasn't a huge hit at the box office, only grossing about $57 million domestically, which probably thrilled the executives at Zales or Kay Jewelers to no end. If you don't know anything about conflict diamonds and/or assume the shiny rocks appear in stores without trouble or corruption, you should probably rent this movie. You'll also have the chance to watch Leonardo DiCaprio struggle to maintain a South African accent and wonder why he was nominated for this film and not "The Departed." Jennifer Connelly and Djimon Hounsou also star.

NativityStory.jpgThe Nativity Story
Because I'm cruel, I laughed a little too hard last December when it was announced that the film's star, Keisha Castle-Hughes, announced she was pregnant. No judgment -- that's just amazing timing considering she was starring as the Virgin Mary. Anyways, critics were amazed that the filmmakers were able to suck all of the potential awe and human emotion out of the tale of Christ's birth, concluding that if you're not already a believer, this film has nothing to offer you.

RockyBalboa.jpgRocky Balboa
I have to confess something: I haven't seen any of the "Rocky" films. I'm ashamed to call myself American at this point, so there's not much I can say about "Rocky Balboa" other than it's a chance to see Stallone do the only thing he's good at. He doesn't defeat Communism this time, his beloved Adrian has passed and Milo Ventimiglia of "Heroes" fame now plays Rocky's son, Robert Jr., but critics called Rocky's final go-around the ring surprisingly entertaining.

CDs
BrightEyes.jpgBright Eyes, "Cassadaga"
Indie-rock darlings Bright Eyes, fronted by Conor Oberst, continue the momentum gained from one of their bigger hits, 2005's "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning" with "Cassadaga," named for the town in Florida that apparently has quite a few spiritualism followers, whatever that means. Fans are calling the latest album a sign of progression and maturity, with a little less folk, though it still stays true to the band's lyrical roots. Known for having a million guest contributors, Bright Eyes invited Sherri DuPree and Stacy DuPree of Eisley to show up this time, among others.

PaperMario.jpgVideo Game
Super Paper Mario (Wii)
In the curious pocket dimension inhabited by Mario and Luigi, the most oft-repeated sentence is: “Someone has kidnapped Princess Peach!”

And true to form, someone has in this latest offering in the quirky role-playing game series based on the quirky console classic. Honestly, the Mario guys need to hire some worthwhile security, maybe the dude from Metal Gear Solid. There’s only so much you can expect when your crack combat force is made up of sentient mushrooms.

But it’s not the usual suspect, Bowser, a big lizard-turtle-dragon thing, that’s done the deed this time. It’s some top hat-wearing weirdo that kidnaps Bowser as well, then forces Peach and the Lizard King to get hitched.

This summons some kind of dark energy that threatens to tear the very fabric of the cosmos asunder. Most people just send a nice china setting or maybe a coffee maker as a gift, but it’s certainly memorable, I guess.

It’s up to you to save the day. Otherwise there wouldn’t be much of a game, honestly.

The latest Paper Mario is sure to be brilliantly funny, if nothing else (previous Mario RPGs have had a manic, at times even subversive sense of humor), and it will be interesting to see how Nintendo makes use of the Wii remote.

If you’ve got a Wii, this is one to look into. Just avoid paper cuts. -- Brian Bethel

April 10, 2007

Greatest Hits: "A Rash of 'Staches"

Starting right this second, we're going to periodically post some of our centerpieces from the print version of The Insider, which appears on Thursdays in the Abilene Reporter-News, for a "Greatest Hits" series. Enjoy.

By Erin Steele, Illustrations by Fernando Hernandez

They’re back ... for better or for worse. Moustaches are taking over the world one follicle at a time, so it’s best to stay on top of the trend. Here’s a look at all kinds of facial hair and who you’ll see sporting it. Wanna have some real fun? Cut out the examples below and try them on for size.

The Selleck 2.jpgTHE SELLECK®
What it is: Luxurious, ticklish, a tool for love possessed by only the most suave of Hawaii-based private investigators. Those who sport The Selleck® understand the glory of follicle art; this beauty is the Mona Lisa of moustaches.
Who sports it: Burt Reynolds was renowned for his anorexic version of The Selleck®. Jason Lee displays a spectacular upper-lip on “My Name is Earl.” And, of course, the moustache’s namesake still boasts his time-honored hairs.
In or out? Definitely in.


The Molestache 2.jpgTHE MOLESTACHE
What it is: That nasty upper-lip scraggle sported by young men who don’t know any better, and older men who should. If lustrous locks aren’t in your future, give it up — you don’t want to look like the guy who lovingly gazes at his ex- girlfriend from the court-ordered 500 feet.
Who sports it: Ever seen a Frida Kahlo self-portrait? Michael Jackson has also been known to push a couple of small hairs through his plastic-coated pores.
In or out? Always, always, always out.


The Goatee 2.jpgTHE GOATEE
What it is: Well, the root word is “goat” if that gives you a hint. The official mask of slackerhood, goatees are perfect for men who don’t feel like shaving every day and don’t want to exert the energy it takes to grow a beard. The weird part? Ladies love ’em.
Who sports it: The goatee was immortalized by Ethan “I wash my hair every three months” Hawke in “Reality Bites.” Since then, it’s been spotted on nearly every male celebrity in Tinseltown. Hey Leo — I’m lookin’ at you.
In or out? In.

The Full Beard 2.jpgTHE FULL BEARD
What it is: The Super Bowl of facial hair, it’s what every dude strives for after sprouting his first follicle. Those who have them usually come with nicknames such as “Papa Bear” or “Big John” (or maybe I just made that up. Still, you should call them that). Wanna meet some people who love beards? Check out this site: www.handlebarclub.co.uk/wbmc.html
Who sports it: Paul Giamatti has jumped on the beard bandwagon. So have stars such as Jared Leto. But let’s not forget the ultimate beard-wearer: Santa.
In or out? Depends on whom you ask.

The Fu Man Chu 2.jpgTHE FU MANCHU
What it is: Not exactly the most politically-correct name for a facial-hair construction, the Fu Manchu was inspired by Dr. Fu Manchu, an evil genius of Manchu origin featured in a series of novels by Birmingham author Sax Rohmer. In an unforeseen turn of events, the Fu Manchu is now most often spotted on rodeo cowboys and other people who don’t know — or care — how stupid they look.
Who sports it: The aforementioned. And that guy from the Village People (you know, the one in leather).
In or out? Out.

The Soul Patch 2.jpgTHE SOUL PATCH
What it is: A tiny piece of facial scruff that cannot be categorized as either beard or moustache. Though not as disconcerting as the Stalker ’Stache, it still stands as a petite stamp of pretension we prefer to avoid. Plus, it kind of makes a guy look like something is nesting right below his bottom lip. Not cool.
Who sports it: Shaggy (zoinks!); Satan; Howie Mandel; that dude who played Tony on “24” (though he ditched it after season one).
In or out? Some can pull it off. If they can’t, I’m always happy to pull it off for them.

This just in: Marcia Gay Harden Eaten by Zombie

Harden.jpgAt a read-through for Lionsgate's upcoming film "The Christmas Cottage," based on the life of "painter" Thomas Kinkade and the painting of the same name, actress Marcia Gay Harden was attacked and killed by actor Peter O'Toole.

While thumbing through her script, the band-aid on Harden's pointer finger fell off, revealing a minor cut with just enough dried blood around it to grab O'Toole's attention. Hollywood insiders have long known the decrepit actor is a zombie, and he's usually flanked by several aides whose job is to make sure he doesn't come into contact with human blood. Unfortunately, Dean from "Gilmore Girls," who is portraying Kinkade in the feature, asked that the read-through be private so that he could focus on portraying the American "painter" whose works have graced greeting cards and nursing home parlor walls for decades. Dean had been staring at "The Christmas Cottage" for 20 minutes and was so blinded by his tears he failed to notice O'Toole making a grab at Harden -- first for her leg, then for her brains.

"I was trying to comprehend how Kinky -- as I like to call him -- made the light falling onto the snow look so real," Dean said. "It just glows and makes me feel so warm. I didn't have time to save Marcia. At least she died working on such an amazing project, though, you know?"

Harden is survived by her husband, Thaddeus Scheel, their three children, and the Oscar she won for "Pollock."

O'Toole was restrained and reprimanded, and filming for "The Christmas Cottage" will continue as scheduled and Harden's character recast, according to a Lionsgate rep who wished to remain anonymous. "A film about Thomas Kinkade is just too important [to not film]," said the source. "We'll miss Marcia, but I mean, come on -- it's Kinkade!"

April 9, 2007

"Grindhouse" review, the split view: "Planet Terror"

Grindhouse2.jpg“Planet Terror” begins, after deliberate technical difficulties and a fake trailer for a film called “Machete,” with a long look at Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), a go-go dancer disillusioned with her profession and nursing old heartaches. Director Robert Rodriguez (“Sin City,” “Desperado”) does his best to show us every one of Cherry’s curves -- and every one of her tears -- which sets the tone for the entire experience that is “Grindhouse”: a pulpy, bloody, silly ode to exploitation films brought to you by likely two of the genre’s biggest fans, Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, who each share an obsession with their heroines. Tarantino's more serious, character-driven "Death Proof" might be the better of the two films, but "Planet Terror" is simply more fun.

Cherry walks out on her go-go dancing gig in a small Texas town, heads to a local barbecue joint to mope and contemplates her dream career in stand-up comedy. Here she runs into Wray (Freddy Rodriguez), a junkyard owner with a dark past, whom she walked out on not too long ago. He agrees to give her a ride home, but their trip is cut short thanks to a chemical weapons trade gone awry.

Dangerous chemicals were released at a military base two miles up the road, and once you come in contact with them and don’t have the proper anecdote, your skin will start to bubble, you’ll break out in sores and you’ll have the strange desire to rip apart other humans and eat their flesh. Drag. Wray’s tow truck is overturned and Cherry’s pulled out by the zombie-like victims of the chemicals, but Wray saves her just as they’ve pulled off her leg. Wray is taken into custody by the sheriff (Michael Biehn) and Cherry heads to the hospital, which is quickly being overrun by patients with bubbling skin.

Anesthesiologist Dr. Dakota Block (Marley Shelton) had been planning a rendezvous with her secret lover, but the zombie patients and her menacing husband, Dr. William Block (Josh Brolin) get in her way. She’s got to escape and get herself and her son to safety, while on the other side of town, Wray is trying to get out of custody and get back to Cherry. The zombies are multiplying, and it’s up to the remaining townsfolk who’ve avoided contact with the chemical to band together and find a way to escape, picking off any zombies that get in their way.

“Planet Terror” doesn’t hold back from showing you body parts being ripped off, heads exploding, faces melting, etc., but it’s all so over-the-top in true exploitation film fashion, you’ll laugh more than you cringe. Rodriguez took the premise of a zombie movie and ran with it, adding as much blood, bad acting, spliced film reels and cleavage shots as possible while not exceeding an R rating. At this year’s South by Southwest film festival, he gave an eager audience a preview of his work and a tutorial in Grindhouse 101, explaining that to him, grind-house cinema means freedom. It’s the freedom for actors to ham it up on screen, the freedom to not explain plot developments and blame it on missing reels that weren’t even filmed, and the freedom for him to employ all the tricks he admired when he watched exploitation films as a kid.

His contribution to “Grindhouse” is the weaker of the two because while “Death Proof” can stand on its own, “Planet Terror” is better served in the context of “Grindhouse,” or an awareness of grind-house films, when the audience is in on the joke. Parts of “Terror” are technically bad, but it’s just so much fun to watch. The two films complement each other, with characters overlapping and each director taking a very different approach to the concept of replicating grind-house cinema.

The biggest common homage comes in the form of the directors’ leading ladies: Laced throughout “Grindhouse” is a love not just for the femme fatale, but for anything/one female. “Grindhouse’s” heroines are beautiful, articulate, but above all deadly, whether it’s their looks doing the killing or the machine gun that’s attached to their leg. The men do what they can to save the day, but the women come out ahead.

April 8, 2007

"Grindhouse" review, the split view: "Death Proof"

Grindhouse1.jpgQuentin Tarantino’s “Death Proof” isn’t so much a movie as a love letter, an obsessive ode to cinema’s seedy past that celebrates cars, crashes and kick-ass ladies. But this isn’t a letter written by hand -- it’s composed of a jagged alphabet torn from different magazines, a crazed, haphazard declaration that will leave you uneasy. “Planet Terror” might get to your gag reflex, but “Death Proof” gets under your skin.

But in the world of “Grindhouse,” this is far from a negativism. Indeed, “Death Proof” may be one of Tarantino’s boldest works yet, an example of how this great appreciator turns film history on its head. Drawing from such cult classics as “Vanishing Point,” Cronenberg’s “Crash,” “Gone in 60 Seconds” (but not that “Angelina Jolie bull****,” as one character says) and the entire Russ Meyer filmography, “Death Proof” is a thrill ride with a brain. The reason the aforementioned films found success isn’t just that they were goofball journeys into the taboo; it’s that, like “Death Proof’s” main character Stuntman Mike, there’s a little bit of voyeur in all of us.

It’s not obvious at first that Tarantino is deviating slightly from his earlier films. The first 15 minutes of “Death Proof” is quintessential Quentin, as his characters drive down abandoned Austin roads, dissecting the pop-culture terrain in the director’s trademark fashion. By the time they’re making conversation at the capital’s famed Texas Chili Parlor, you think you know where all of this is headed -- at least until you notice Kurt Russell’s scarfaced stunt driver sitting quietly in the corner.

From there, the narrative is no-holds-barred sexploitation, an adrenaline-filled look at twisted metal and even more twisted sexuality. Michael Parks, playing the same salty-tongued sheriff we were treated to in “Kill Bill,” is on hand to explain Stuntman Mike’s psychosis: His bizarre M.O. is born from a carnality bound to carnage. Like any classic Meyer villain, Mike is impotent without his killing machine, and this knowledge sets the stage for the second act of “Death Proof.”

It's here that the segment shifts gears, as the helpless leading ladies of the segment’s first half (a gaggle of stereotypical horror-movie staples) are replaced by a far more fearsome pack of females, played by Tracie Thoms, Rosario Dawson and Zoe Bell (Uma Thurman’s stunt double in “Kill Bill.”) These ladies love a thrill ride just as much as Mike, and when they decide to simultaneously test out a 1970 Dodge Challenger and a dangerous stunt, you can’t help but feel like “Death Proof’s” main menace might have just met his match.

Mike might be a killer driver, but these women are just as lethal on foot as they are behind the wheel, and as “Death Proof” turns into a game of reverse cat-and-mouse, it picks up an incredible amount of speed. I’ll leave the ending for you to discover, but it’s somewhat jarring (if unexpectedly satisfying) in both action and tone. “Death Proof” is Tarantino at his brilliant, unapologetic best.

April 5, 2007

Barbie and Ken voted off "Dancing"; Himalayas in an uproar

shandi.jpg I know "Dancing with the Stars" is a popular show, but I never knew how popular until a Google search revealed that Former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey and her poor-man's-Richard-Grieco-looking partner getting booted off the program is so important even the Himalayan Times (the leading English daily in Nepal) carried the story.

This revelation made me envision a sherpa paperboy who climbs the mountain each day to deliver news about "American Idol" and Drew Barrymore and Nicole Richie, and everyone on the mountain dreams of how one day they could move to the United States, where even someone as untalented as Sanjaya Malakar can be famous.

And it makes me wonder if people think the U.S. is like a big musical, where everyone sings and dances, even if they only have one leg or happen to be the president's evil rapping sidekick. (Isn't it amazing how Rove makes Tom Cruise's dance of shame look good by comparison? Scientologists everywhere bless you, KKKarl.)

Still, I guess the news of a giant blonde beauty queen not winning something in this country is fairly unexpected. Maybe too many dudes assumed her name was Boobs McJiggle, and when they didn't hear that option on the voting menu, just hung up and went back to watching old episodes of "Baywatch" or whatever guys watch when they aren't watching ESPN or the History Channel or that show where the dude teaches you how to survive in the wilderness with nothing but a toothpick and a wish (and a cameraman, apparently).

Anyway, I bid Shandi a fond adieu, but as I mentioned last week, I didn't really want them to keep her around. As I also predicted last week, Billy Ray Cyrus made a completely unfunny joke out of his only hit song, braying that the dancing has given him "an achy, breaky butt," and thereby cementing his status as the single most mentally-challenged country musician outside of Toby Keith (if you happen to be a Toby Keith fan and am totally offended by that statement, let's just agree to disagree. Because you will never convince me his lyrics aren't written by a second grader.)

I know it's kind of early to start betting on winners, but I kind of hope Joey FatOne wins, because unless you're gay or Justin Timberlake, former N'Syncers just don't get any love. And I think it's time for the FatOne to shine. I'm pretty sure the Himalayas would agree.

The return of O'Ghoul (bow to your zombie master)

venus2_large copy.jpg If there's one celebrity in the world who excites me more than Mark Wahlberg, it's Peter O'Toole (though in a completely different kind of way). I'm always happy to hear that O'Ghoul is still alive -- he's like the guy you knew in high school who moved on to a fruitful career of concocting meth out of glass particles and chipmunks, and it's always sort of surprising to find out he hasn't spun off this mortal coil yet. And then you wish him well and don't really think about him for another few years.

But then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, O'Ghoul receives an Oscar nomination and then he shows up in the Hollywood Reporter, and you realize that he and his classically-trained zombie actor comrades might well be about to take over the human race, and even though that's a scary thought, it's better than say, I dunno, Carrot Top terrorizing cineplexes. Plus, it's an oddly appropriate precursor to seeing the "Planet Terror" segment of "Grindhouse" on Friday, and it's always good to prepare oneself for an experience like that.

But I am happy that O'Ghoul -- who was awesome when he was a, uh, youngerish chap in "Lawrence of Arabia" and quite ghoulicious in "Venus," I've heard, though my gag reflex hasn't yet become immune to 112-year-old men lusting after 20-year-old women, so I haven't seen it -- continues to receive work, even if said work is based on a PAINTING. Apparently, Hollywood doesn't even need words anymore to make a movie fly. "Hey guys, let's make a movie about that fire hydrant. No, that one. Yeah, the one that Buick is parked by. Tell it we'll give it a three-picture deal and a date with Paris Hilton. No, she's cool with fire hydrants. Remember how she gave that one on Wilshire herpes? And then Lohan went out with it too, and that's why everyone started calling her 'fire crotch.' Dude, that was so not unexpected at all!"

Then again, "Girl With the Pearl Earring" was good, but somehow I find Vermeer slightly more fascinating than Thomas Kinkade; at least they don't make jigsaw puzzles out of his paintings. Why pay $10 to see a movie about Kinkade's "Christmas Cottage" when you could get the 1,000-piece puzzle for like $5 at Target?

I'll tell you why -- because O'Ghoul is in it, and if he lives long enough to collect his paycheck, he'll probably also collect another Oscar nomination (to make up for the one he didn't get for "High Spirits"). So good luck playing Glenn Weissler, O'Ghoul. I probably won't bother seeing the movie, so I guess I'll just see you after the post-Apocalyptic dust settles and you're coming after my human flesh.

"Lost": Turning Points

lost_kate.jpgAfter the love-it-or-hate-it episode last week, last night in "Left Behind" we were treated with a Kate-centric episode that brought back memories of the good old days of "Lost": Kate picking fights and running from the law in the past while the survivors are having fun on the island in the present. Several new developments unfolded: The Others left their encampment, and Locke went with them, but not before they knocked Kate out by throwing a gas canister in her holding room. She woke up in the jungle handcuffed to Juliet, and the two tried to make it back to the Others' living area without strangling each other -- or getting attacked by the Smoke Monster.

The flashbacks showed Kate attempting to get in touch with her mother, Diane, who had given her daughter up to authorities for killing her father. She enlisted the help of Cassidy, a woman she caught conning fellow travelers. They each knew the other was up to no good and bonded over their shared aversion of the law. Cassidy helped Kate avoid the U.S. Marshals guarding Diane, and when Kate confronted her mother on why she had so easily betrayed her, Diane said she had hoped Kate was there to offer an apology. Diane told Kate that despite his abusive ways, she had loved her husband and couldn't accept how Kate had killed him in cold blood. Kate didn't kill him for Diane; she killed him for herself. You can't help who you love, Diane said, a notion Cassidy echoed as she told Kate about her unnamed ex -- Sawyer, who conned her out of her money and who is the father of her unborn child.

Kate and Juliet had a few handcuffed tussles on the way to the Others' camp -- a punched face here, a dislocated shoulder there -- but the real dosage of pain came when Juliet informed Kate that the reason Jack didn't want her to come back was because she broke his heart by sleeping with Sawyer. The two drew lines in a strange turf war over Jack, but Juliet wouldn't answer why the Others left her behind. Their conversations never lasted long, though: Smoke Monster kept showing up. Juliet at first acted surprised by the giant cloud of smoke that chased them and flashed lights in their eyes, but by its second appearance, she admitted the Others were aware of the monster but had no idea what it is -- only that it doesn't like their electronic fences. She also revealed she had had the key to the handcuffs the entire time, but lied out of fear of being left behind again.

Meanwhile, Sawyer was scared of being left behind himself. He was told by Hurley that the survivors were planning on voting whether or not to banish him from their camp, and it was up to him to make amends with his fellow castaways or be doomed to survive on his own down the beach. Sawyer went hunting for boar with Desmond and threw a barbecue that raised everyone's spirits, only to learn that Hurley tricked him into being nice. No vote was planned, but now that all the group's leaders are gone, Hurley said, it was time for Sawyer to set aside the sarcasm and step up to the plate.

When Kate and Juliet reached the camp, Juliet went to find Sayid and Kate found Jack in his room -- he'd also been left unconscious -- and told him that the Others had disappeared. Kate's tear-filled apology for coming back to find Jack after he'd warned her not to, thus ruining his chances of leaving the island, was heartbreaking, especially when it was made clear that Jack has moved on. He still cares for her, but when he asked if Juliet had left with the Others as well, Kate's expression changed slightly. She realized their relationship was different; she had been trying to rescue the idea of Jack, an image that changed once they were first captured by the Others. Her rescue attempt wasn't for Jack's own good, but for her own. She can't help that she loves him, but they can't go back to the way things were.

"Left Behind" provided the dramatic shift needed to set up the final episodes of the season and help the characters grow. Jack's, Kate's and Sawyer's captivity changed everything, and now that Juliet is heading back to live with the survivors and Locke went to live with the Others, we'll see where loyalties lie and if any of their relationships will heal.

April 4, 2007

Rehab is for lovers, part two

spears.jpg I guess you can expect a follow-up to "Collide" called "Train Wreck" ...

According to Hollywood.com, Britney "Look at my nether regions, y'all" Spears is "smitten" with Howie Day, whom the site refers to as a "musical bad boy" (I usually just refer to him as a boy who makes bad music. But whatever.)

The article goes on to say: "The couple met at Malibu, California's Promises rehab facility during Spears' recent month-long stay. The pop star has told close pals that she's smitten with her new beau, who hit the headlines following recent arrests on charges of disorderly conduct and allegedly verbally abusing a flight crew, while under the influence. One Spears confidante tells Life & Style magazine, "Britney just lights up...when she talks to Howie or tells people about him. She thinks he's very talented and says he's the best kisser."

You'd think after two kids, Britney Spears wouldn't continue to talk about her relationships as though she's in fourth grade. Then again, that would correspond to her reading level, so I guess it makes sense. But my favorite part of the "report": "The pal reveals, "They formed a special bond. They were in group therapy together and Brit found his experiences fascinating."

I guess yelling at a flight attendant can be fascinating, like if he was yelling at her about world politics or Mark Wahlberg. Otherwise, I think it's pretty lame, and it pretty much happens on every flight ever. Except for the ones I'm on. Because I ask myself, "What would Dignam do?" and then I punch the person who's yelling in the neck.

This is how we roll in West Texas

NoSmoking.jpgFor months now, the citizens in Abilene have been in an uproar over the newly created smoking ordinance, which bans smoking in most public places and businesses and requires residents to stand 20 feet away from a building's entrance if they're going to smoke. Opponents of the ban tried to garner enough signatures for a petition to have the City Council overturn the ordinance, but failed spectacularly. Now Abilene police are laying down the law. The following story made our front page today, and found its way onto the Texas AP wire. Enjoy:

Man jailed for allegedly violating smoking ban
ABILENE, Texas (AP) — One West Texas city is really serious about its smoking ban.

Just ask Brian Wayne Hendrix, who was arrested and jailed on an outstanding warrant for smoking in public. Hendrix, 44, said he was “flabbergasted” by the arrest, which came after an officer pulled him over Tuesday morning on a traffic stop.

“I never thought I’d be going to jail for smoking a cigarette, but I’d do it again,” said Hendrix, who was released from the Taylor County Jail after posting $150 bond Tuesday afternoon.

The city’s smoking ban that went into effect Jan. 3 prohibits smoking in most public places and businesses. Hendrix is the first person in Abilene to be arrested on a warrant for smoking in a public place, Assistant Police Chief Mark Moore said.

“If we go to a place where there are a lot of people smoking with no regard to the smoking ban ordinance, we will enforce it,” Moore said. “As long as it’s law, we ask that they comply.”

Teresa Borcik, Municipal Court administrator, said Hendrix was cited for smoking in a public place on Feb. 24 and had 10 days to appear in court to contest the charge or to pay the $150 ticket. When he didn’t show up, an arrest warrant was issued March 6, she said.

Hendrix said he has been smoking since he was a teenager.

“As long as it is legal to smoke, I am going to keep smoking. I’m not going to quit any time soon,” he said. “I think they are just trying to make more money for the city by messing with the smokers.”

Wie sagt man "washed up" auf deutsch?

WildHogs.jpgTim Allen posed with cardboard cut-outs of actors Ray Liotta and John Travlota in Munich on Monday at the Germany premiere of "Born to Be Wild" -- that's "Wild Hogs" here in the states. Dressed in believable biker garb, they seemed please to be promoting the homophobic, mid-life crisis flick that has grossed $135.6 million in the U.S. and already has a sequel in the works. Noticeably absent from the premiere was William H. Macy (no one cares about Martin Lawrence), who was likely on a secluded retreat with wife Felicity Huffman of "Desperate Housewives," each atoning for their recent/ongoing acting sins.

Macy's minor discretion can be overlooked, but Allen is the Beelzebub of bad cinema, pulling as many actors who used to be talented down with him as he can. Travolta was already resurrected once, so all hope for him and his dew rag is lost, and Ray Liotta should consider joining Filliam H. Muffman on their retreat.

The next picture says it all: Look at their faces at the London premiere last week. That, kids, is the look of shattered dreams.

WildHogs2.jpg

April 3, 2007

We Just Found Out the Finale to "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End"

richards.jpgKeith Richards, a person who should have died four decades ago, recently admitted that he snorted his father's cremated remains along with cocaine. According to AP:

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Now that the tale of the rock star ingesting his father is everywhere, though, MTV's Kurt Loder has declared that the story is simply not true. Richards' quote was "said in jest," according to his manager, and she "can't believe anyone took [it] seriously." Have you seen your client? We were shocked at the notion that someone would snort their dad's remains, but weren't surprised Richards said he did. His face should be on the Surgeon General's warning labels. Until Richards recants his use of Dad Cocaine, I'm a believer.

Monday Bloody Monday

SixDegrees.jpgMonday was a dark day in TV land, with several shows getting whacked:

In the infinite stupidity of network TV executives, the ones at ABC brought back struggling drama "Six Degrees" two weeks ago with little fanfare, dumped it in a Friday night timeslot and were surprised when no one watched. Now, "Six Degrees" has been axed, effective immediately. I may have been one of the only ones out there watching the show, happy that my DVR is smart enough to record it again after such a long hiatus (it left around Halloween), but I'd at least like to know what happens. Throw me a bone, ABC. Give me an extra episode to wrap storylines up. I know you taped them: Previews had shown that Josh Charles was going to show up, and that guy could use some work. ABC will show "Wife Swap" repeats in its place. Seriously? You're replacing a series starring Hope Davis and Campbell Scott with reruns of a reality show about people swapping wives for kicks? You're on my list, ABC.

NBC has pulled "The Black Donnellys" from its Monday night pre-"Heroes" rotation after April 16, airing only 8 of the show's 13 episodes and making room for the new hidden camera reality series "The Real Wedding Crashers." "Donnellys" tried too hard to be the Irish "Godfather," and failed quite miserably at getting its viewers to invest any kind of emotion in the two-dimensional characters. I'm not sad to see it go, and I'm vindictive enough to be glad that something helmed by Paul Haggis was a flop.

Fox is pulling the plug on David E. Kelley's "The Wedding Bells," letting the show air once more this Friday. I don't know what would be worse to hear as an actor or worker on a show that's been cancelled: That your show is kaput, or that your network had already decided to preempt it with a showing of the Wayans brothers' movie "White Chicks." Either way, your life sucks, but to have a network prefer to show black men dressing as white women for a few hours than to show your series goes beyond adding insult to injury. Maybe Kelley ("L.A. Law," "Chicago Hope," "Ally McBeal," "The Practice," "Boston Legal") will now devote more of his time to working out the song licensing issues and release "McBeal" on DVD.

In other cancellation news, say goodbye to the Camden family -- again. After the series was brought back from the dead last spring, "7th Heaven" is finally calling it quits May 13, ending its 11th season as the longest-running family drama on TV. "Heaven" was supposed to end last May when its network, the WB, died as well, but media coverage and a touch of nostalgia drew in great ratings and the new CW network decided to pick it up for one last go-around. Big surprise: Not enough people watched.

Abilene: A Can-Doo City

Just when you think there's nothing to do in Abilene.

Certainly there's been some hearty debate on this very blog recently as to whether the city is a big toilet (feel free to duke it out readers -- I'll play referee), but there's very little argument that it will soon be home to a whole bunch of little ones.

That's right, fellow Abilenians -- the International Portable Potty Board Meeting will be held here in 2008. If, like me, you didn't even know such a thing existed, this bit of information is educational on so many levels. Not only is the Portable Sanitation Association International real, it also brings "80 to 100 people to town." Which means there are 80 to 100 people in the world who care so much about traveling toilets, they journey to various locations across the globe to discuss it (a sewage safari, if you will.) Which is kind of amazing, you have to admit.

Release Round-Up

Here's a look at some of today's new releases:

DVDs

Volver.jpgVolver
Pedro Almodóvar's latest film revisits his use of an all-female cast and looks at one Spanish family's struggles and relationships. Part ghost story and part murder mystery, though neither are the scary kind, "Volver" works because of its strong cast, led by Penélope Cruz in an Oscar-nominated performance, and its strong central family -- a group of women who'll stop at nothing to protect each other, even if that means getting rid of the men in their way.


Shepherd.jpgThe Good Shepherd
With a runtime right under 3 hours, Robert De Niro's "The Good Shepherd" couldn't live up to its high expectations and bored more critics than it thrilled. In fact, it's not a thriller, but a deliberately paced look at the CIA's birth and one man's (Matt Damon) slow disillusionment with the agency. Unfortunately for De Niro, his ambitious project doesn't pay off.

Charlottes.jpgCharlotte's Web
Devotees of E.B. White's classic tale of Wilbur the pig and his owner, Fern, shouldn't be disappointed with this live-action/CGI telling of the story. The sweet rendition had even the most cynical of critics gushing about its timeless message of friendship, but the real miracle is that we get to see Dakota Fanning in a role she hadn't tackled before: a child.


Also new on DVD: "Entourage: Season Three, Part 1," "Twin Peaks: Season Two," "The Natural (Director's Cut)," "Law & Order: Season Five"

CDs

Fountains.jpgFountains of Wayne, "Traffic and Weather"
Fountains of Wayne has been around for a while, but it wasn't until 2003 when the band released "Welcome Interstate Managers" and the hit single "Stacy's Mom" when they hit it big -- that and the use of Rachel Hunter in the "Mom" video. "Traffic and Weather" continues the band's '60s/'70s-ish pop and alt-rock sounds and introduces new characters in its song all having something to do with, you guessed it, traffic and weather. I'm predicting it to be a great driving album.


KingsLeon.jpgKings of Leon, "Because of the Times"
The four Followill brothers from Nashville have earned a devout following for their Southern rock meets punk meets alternative meets whatever it's cool sound. I don't know much about them, but I'm amused by the album cover and its smashed light bulb. I'm reminded of the cover for The Fray's album, which spawned the "Grey's Anatomy" megahit "How to Save a Life." The Kings even have a song titled "McFearless" on "Times." Coincidence?


Krauss.jpgAlison Krauss, "A Hundred Miles or More: A Collection"
I wasn't a fan of Krauss when I first heard her, which was probably when she covered "When You Say Nothing at All," me being partial to Keith Whitley's original recording. But her smooth voice grew on me, and by the time she recorded songs for the "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" soundtrack, I knew I had misjudged her. "A Hundred Miles or More" is a collection of tracks from soundtracks, other artist's albums, five new recordings and more -- all songs that haven't been released on an official Alison Krauss album. "Down to the River to Pray" from "O Brother" is there, as are "The Scarlet Tide" and "You Will Be My Ain True Love" from "Cold Mountain."

Also new on CD: "Dignity," Hilary Duff; "Waking up Laughing," Martina McBride; "Live at Texas Stadium," George Strait, Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffett; "Timbaland Presents Shock Value," Timbaland


Video Game
VideoGame.jpgGuitar Hero II (Xbox 360)
Everything old is new again. And it rocks. So. Hard.

I’ve rhapsodized about Guitar Hero for a while now, and the 360 version, which released Tuesday, is here with all of its rock god godliness intact, graphically updated for the next generation and — most important — set up with the potential to download new songs.

This alone makes the 360 version the worthiest when compared to its older, PS2 counterpart. With the PS2, you had a limited song set. With the 360, it’s limited by how much money you want to spend downloading new songs.

Guitar Hero II is best played alone. In the dark. Where no one can see you shred. But the fun factor is extreme in that you play with a plastic guitar controller that lets you feel a bit like what a real rock and roll guru probably would.

From classics to fairly modern tunes, you’ll find a lot of goodness out of the box. But the real promise of the game is in the potential flood of new songs time will bring. Shame that there’s no online jam sessions, but maybe the (already announced) follow-up game, Rock Band, will take care of that. -- Brian Bethel

April 2, 2007

Reviewing the Photos: Kids' Choice Awards

Sometimes, taking a stroll through the Associated Press photo galleries for certain events is more entertaining than watching the events themselves. On this lazy Monday, enjoy these priceless images from the "Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards," filmed Saturday in LA.

ZacEfron.jpgZac Efron: "Just because I rocked 'High School Musical' and have an androgynous face doesn't mean I'm not manly. I'll really show the critics when I star in 'Hairspray' and 'High School Musical 2: Sing It All or Nothing!' I wonder if they can see the lines from my face bronzer ..."







Reviewing the Photos: Part 2

DakotaFanning.jpgDakota Fanning: "Hehehehehehe. My therapist says that if I just smile, the dark feelings inside of me will go away. Mommy says it's OK that I can't get the tune to "Hound Dog" out of my head. Oscar, here I come!"












Reviewing the Photos: Part 3

MandyMoore.jpgMandy Moore: "I hate you all."


















Reviewing the Photos: Part 4

MaguireCarell.jpgI can't even think of a caption for this one.
















Oh, the Chads. The Chads!!!

chadhang1.jpgFresh off of doing not a whole lot, director Sydney Pollack has set his sights on "revisiting one of the most dramatic events in U.S. election history": The 2000 presidential election. "Recount" will look at the turmoil of the Florida Voting Machine Meltdown that caused a legal showdown at the Supreme Court, declared Bush the winner and sent Gore to live in a haze of bloating and self-loathing out in the wild. According to the Hollywood Reporter, the HBO Films project "chronicles the weeks after the 2000 presidential election and goes behind the scenes of the recounts in Florida to explore the human drama of ordinary people caught in an extraordinary event that would decide the leadership of the country."

Extraordinary? What's extraordinary is that The Goreacle-Hollywood love fest is spreading so quickly. HBO Films president Colin Callender said the film won't take sides, but you know Gore is already trying to schedule Power Point presentations on the film at your local Kiwanis Club. I personally can't wait to revisit Tim Russert on election night holding up the dry-erase board with the words "Florida Florida Florida"; the stupid old people who were confused by the machines; the countless volunteers who stared at pieces of paper and to this day twitch when they hear the words "hanging" and/or "chad"; Dan Abrams on the Supreme Court steps reading the verdict on air and trying to figure out what the hell had just happened; etc. Ah, it just sounds so awesome. Who said Hollywood is running out of ideas?