The return of O'Ghoul (bow to your zombie master)
By Erin Steele
April 5, 2007
If there's one celebrity in the world who excites me more than Mark Wahlberg, it's Peter O'Toole (though in a completely different kind of way). I'm always happy to hear that O'Ghoul is still alive -- he's like the guy you knew in high school who moved on to a fruitful career of concocting meth out of glass particles and chipmunks, and it's always sort of surprising to find out he hasn't spun off this mortal coil yet. And then you wish him well and don't really think about him for another few years.
But then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, O'Ghoul receives an Oscar nomination and then he shows up in the Hollywood Reporter, and you realize that he and his classically-trained zombie actor comrades might well be about to take over the human race, and even though that's a scary thought, it's better than say, I dunno, Carrot Top terrorizing cineplexes. Plus, it's an oddly appropriate precursor to seeing the "Planet Terror" segment of "Grindhouse" on Friday, and it's always good to prepare oneself for an experience like that.
But I am happy that O'Ghoul -- who was awesome when he was a, uh, youngerish chap in "Lawrence of Arabia" and quite ghoulicious in "Venus," I've heard, though my gag reflex hasn't yet become immune to 112-year-old men lusting after 20-year-old women, so I haven't seen it -- continues to receive work, even if said work is based on a PAINTING. Apparently, Hollywood doesn't even need words anymore to make a movie fly. "Hey guys, let's make a movie about that fire hydrant. No, that one. Yeah, the one that Buick is parked by. Tell it we'll give it a three-picture deal and a date with Paris Hilton. No, she's cool with fire hydrants. Remember how she gave that one on Wilshire herpes? And then Lohan went out with it too, and that's why everyone started calling her 'fire crotch.' Dude, that was so not unexpected at all!"
Then again, "Girl With the Pearl Earring" was good, but somehow I find Vermeer slightly more fascinating than Thomas Kinkade; at least they don't make jigsaw puzzles out of his paintings. Why pay $10 to see a movie about Kinkade's "Christmas Cottage" when you could get the 1,000-piece puzzle for like $5 at Target?
I'll tell you why -- because O'Ghoul is in it, and if he lives long enough to collect his paycheck, he'll probably also collect another Oscar nomination (to make up for the one he didn't get for "High Spirits"). So good luck playing Glenn Weissler, O'Ghoul. I probably won't bother seeing the movie, so I guess I'll just see you after the post-Apocalyptic dust settles and you're coming after my human flesh.
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