This just in: Marcia Gay Harden Eaten by Zombie
By Sarah Carlson
April 10, 2007
At a read-through for Lionsgate's upcoming film "The Christmas Cottage," based on the life of "painter" Thomas Kinkade and the painting of the same name, actress Marcia Gay Harden was attacked and killed by actor Peter O'Toole.
While thumbing through her script, the band-aid on Harden's pointer finger fell off, revealing a minor cut with just enough dried blood around it to grab O'Toole's attention. Hollywood insiders have long known the decrepit actor is a zombie, and he's usually flanked by several aides whose job is to make sure he doesn't come into contact with human blood. Unfortunately, Dean from "Gilmore Girls," who is portraying Kinkade in the feature, asked that the read-through be private so that he could focus on portraying the American "painter" whose works have graced greeting cards and nursing home parlor walls for decades. Dean had been staring at "The Christmas Cottage" for 20 minutes and was so blinded by his tears he failed to notice O'Toole making a grab at Harden -- first for her leg, then for her brains.
"I was trying to comprehend how Kinky -- as I like to call him -- made the light falling onto the snow look so real," Dean said. "It just glows and makes me feel so warm. I didn't have time to save Marcia. At least she died working on such an amazing project, though, you know?"
Harden is survived by her husband, Thaddeus Scheel, their three children, and the Oscar she won for "Pollock."
O'Toole was restrained and reprimanded, and filming for "The Christmas Cottage" will continue as scheduled and Harden's character recast, according to a Lionsgate rep who wished to remain anonymous. "A film about Thomas Kinkade is just too important [to not film]," said the source. "We'll miss Marcia, but I mean, come on -- it's Kinkade!"
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Posted by: Kevin Longrie on April 10, 2007 9:35 PM
I'm a sucker for a good zombie-mauling-actress story. Great. Onionesque.