Category : Fashion

Greatest Hits: "Pop Threads"

Original publication date: Jan. 18

By Erin Steele

There are plenty of online vendors out there who tap into the entertainment nerd in all of us, preying on our desire to express ourselves via overpriced products.

But why allow the Internet to swallow up your hard-earned (or easily-earned — ya lazy bum) dollars, when you can craft equally entertaining pop-culture-centric shirts right in your own back yard (I mean that figuratively and literally. Arts and crafts can be messy. You might want to go outside). Buy a solid T-shirt, a few iron-ons or a permanent marker and go crazy — be the Jackson Pollock of custom-made tees (and if you don’t know who Jackson Pollock is, you should probably read more). Don’t be afraid to steal ideas; after all, that’s what pop culture is all about (though it’s usually termed “post-modernism.” Just FYI).

DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!
Onehorseshy.com

I think we all remember the heartbreak that was Donna Martin’s dance o’ delinquency. “Beverly Hills 90210’s” bastion of abstinence, Donna drank just one glass of champagne — one, I say! — and arrived at prom so sloppy drunk, the principal had no choice but to withhold her diploma. Luckily for Donna, her (totally platonic) friends (which included Shannon Doherty’s Brenda, and let’s face it, who could stand firm in the face of her terrifying denim vests?) demanded that the school board reconsider. Knowing that the “Beverly” brethren could buy and sell them, they relented. And they all lived happily ever after. Until the following season.

Self-made alternatives: Donna wasn’t the only teen soap star who faced a brush with non-graduation. Remember Zack Morris’ tights-clad credit-accumulating performance of “Swan Lake” (because so many high schools offer ballet class. Whatever.)? Or Felicity barely winning the right to walk the UNY stage after that little art-paper plagiarism incident? Just
because they deserved their fate doesn’t mean you shouldn’t flaunt your favorite hero/heroine’s victory over public education. Slackers rule.

GEORGE BUSH KILLED MY DOG
Onehorseshy.com

There are a plethora of reasons to dislike George W. Bush — his deity-like way of announcing, nay, DECLARING his decisions and his hooked-on-phonics-did-not-work-for-me reading/speaking skills — but when the president kills your dog, you kinda win a “Get out of Guantanamo Bay Free” card when it comes to insulting said ruler of the free world and/or backtalking the TV whenever he is on it. 'Cause only a Commie wouldn’t hold a grudge against the dude who killed his dog. I’m just saying.

Self-made alternatives: I say Bush, you say Obama. Choose your least-fave
politico and lay a false claim against them. John Kerry stole my Heinz. Dick Cheney spit on my baby. Something like that.

Continue reading "Greatest Hits: "Pop Threads"" »

Sarah Carlson
April 23, 2007 3:58 PM

All my friends are so small town / My parents live in the same small town / My Job is So Small Town

It takes a lot of effort to look this pretty. According to a new AP story:

[John Edwards'] campaign committee picked up the tab for two haircuts at $400 each by celebrity stylist Joseph Torrenueva of Beverly Hills, Calif., according to a financial report filed with the Federal Election Commission. FEC records show Edwards also availed himself of $250 in services from a trendy salon and spa in Dubuque, Iowa, and $225 in services from the Pink Sapphire in Manchester, N.H., which is described on its Web site as “a unique boutique for the mind, body and face” that caters mostly to women. A spokeswoman for Edwards’ campaign did not respond to requests for comment.

This is a great day for sons of mill workers -- you, too, can claw your way to the top by being a trial lawyer and later a senator, all the while promising to help the little guy. Once the little guy believes you and votes for you, you'll be able to give Paris Hilton a run for her money in terms of hair care. So that's why Kerry was always touching him ... he just had to be close to those luscious locks.

This video was already featured on "The Daily Show," but it's worth watching again:

Sarah Carlson
April 17, 2007 6:10 PM

Greatest Hits: "A Rash of 'Staches"

Starting right this second, we're going to periodically post some of our centerpieces from the print version of The Insider, which appears on Thursdays in the Abilene Reporter-News, for a "Greatest Hits" series. Enjoy.

By Erin Steele, Illustrations by Fernando Hernandez

They’re back ... for better or for worse. Moustaches are taking over the world one follicle at a time, so it’s best to stay on top of the trend. Here’s a look at all kinds of facial hair and who you’ll see sporting it. Wanna have some real fun? Cut out the examples below and try them on for size.

The Selleck 2.jpg THE SELLECK®
What it is: Luxurious, ticklish, a tool for love possessed by only the most suave of Hawaii-based private investigators. Those who sport The Selleck® understand the glory of follicle art; this beauty is the Mona Lisa of moustaches.
Who sports it: Burt Reynolds was renowned for his anorexic version of The Selleck®. Jason Lee displays a spectacular upper-lip on “My Name is Earl.” And, of course, the moustache’s namesake still boasts his time-honored hairs.
In or out? Definitely in.

The Molestache 2.jpg THE MOLESTACHE
What it is: That nasty upper-lip scraggle sported by young men who don’t know any better, and older men who should. If lustrous locks aren’t in your future, give it up — you don’t want to look like the guy who lovingly gazes at his ex- girlfriend from the court-ordered 500 feet.
Who sports it: Ever seen a Frida Kahlo self-portrait? Michael Jackson has also been known to push a couple of small hairs through his plastic-coated pores.
In or out? Always, always, always out.

The Goatee 2.jpg THE GOATEE
What it is: Well, the root word is “goat” if that gives you a hint. The official mask of slackerhood, goatees are perfect for men who don’t feel like shaving every day and don’t want to exert the energy it takes to grow a beard. The weird part? Ladies love ’em.
Who sports it: The goatee was immortalized by Ethan “I wash my hair every three months” Hawke in “Reality Bites.” Since then, it’s been spotted on nearly every male celebrity in Tinseltown. Hey Leo — I’m lookin’ at you.
In or out? In.