Category : Movies

That's my baby!

willow2.jpgI'd apologize for being away from this blog for so long, but I think I have a good reason: I've been watching "Willow." Yes, that "Willow." The one with Val Kilmer and Warwick Davis. It's the No. 1 most-rented film for the Abilene area on Netflix, and I'm so glad my fellow Abilenians share my fascination with Willow's quest to protect a child from the evil Queen-sorceress Bavmorda. There hasn't been much else to do, aside from killing crickets and trying not to be swept away by flood waters, so I, along with everyone else apparently, have turned to fantasy films to make the tedious last days of summer go by faster. Aren't we all the better for it?

Here's the rest of the Netflix most-rented list.

Local Favorites
1. Willow
2. Keeping the Faith
3. The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning
4. Nanny McPhee
5. Persuasion
6. Raising Helen
7. Are We Done Yet?
8. Unaccompanied Minors
9. Thr3e
10. Freedom Writers
11. Fantastic Four
12. Seraphim Falls
13. Yours, Mine and Ours
14. Unleashed
Danny the Dog
15. The Guardian
16. Flightplan
17. The Last Mimzy
18. Breach
19. Wild Hogs
20. Shooter
21. Norbit
22. The Night Listener
23. Ghost Rider
24. Disturbia
25. The Ant Bully


Wahlberg Watch

Mark Wahlberg is back in another crime drama, "We Own the Night," in theaters Oct. 12. Oh, and the film also stars Joaquin Phoenix and Robert Duvall. Can't wait.

Misogyny, Health Care, and Those Damn French Rats

Captivity.jpgIf you aren't a fan of "Harry Potter," Michael Moore, France or misogyny, you'd be better off avoiding this week's new film releases. Moore's latest documentary, "SiCKO," blasts the U.S. health care system but is reportedly more even-handed than his previous flicks. Already, the documentary has grossed almost $13 million in three weeks, putting it at No. 6 on the list of highest-grossing documentaries in the U.S. (so far). Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" holds the No. 1 spot at almost $120 million -- take that, Gupta!

Also opening is "Paris, je t'aime," a collection of short and sometimes abstract stories from 18 directors that serves as an ode to Paris. Overall, many critics said that while uneven, "Paris, je t'aime" offers enough delightful moments to make the viewing of it worthwhile. Directors who contributed to the film include Alfonso Cuarón, Ethan Coen, Joel Coen, Gus Van Sant, Gérard Depardieu and Wes Craven. Among the members of the large cast is Steve Buscemi, Miranda Richardson, Juliette Binoche, Willem Dafoe, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Elijah Wood, Natalie Portman and Rufus Sewell.

And now for the star of the weekend: "Captivity," a 90-minute excuse for director Roland Joffé to show lead Elisha Cuthbert being tortured. Being forced to watch a woman showered with acid; drinking a smoothie consisting of blended human organs; wiping the blood and guts of her poodle off her face after she's forced to shoot him -- just another day for Jennifer, a model who's drugged at a bar and brought back to a torture chamber. "Captivity" already made headlines for its obscene marketing campaign consisting of graphic billboards plastered around L.A., some in full view from school playgrounds. Has the torture porn genre finally crossed the line? Some say yes -- quite vehemently so.

The best solution for everyone? Don't see this movie. Just go see "Ratatouille" instead. You know you want to. For a complete list of movies showing in Abilene, click here.

Six Degrees of Remake Hell

Footloose.jpgIf you hold a special place in your heart for craptastic 80s movies -- especially those that include dance scenes set in abandoned barns -- then I've got some bad news. Variety reported today that Paramount is planning a musical remake to the 1984 classic "Footloose" with "High School Musical's" Zac Efron playing the rebellious Ren McCormack -- a character already immortalized by Kevin Bacon. What's there to remake? Lightning doesn't strike twice, Paramount.

"Footloose" isn't a great film, but that's why we love it. Ren isn't allowed to listen to Quiet Riot's "Bang Your Head"; Ariel (Lori Singer) angles to wrap her skinny legs around Ren in between wearing red boots in front of her uptight preacher father (John Lithgow); Sean Penn's less talented brother can't dance; Rusty (Sarah Jessica Parker) is just kinda there; Ariel's mom (Dianne Wiest) is more than a little love-starved. Plus, Ren drives his yellow VW bug out to the barn to just dance, dance, dance.

In negotiations to direct and choreograph the musical remake is Kenny Ortega, the man who brought "High School Musical," various episodes of various TV shows and, one of my favorite guilty pleasures, "Newsies" to the world. "Newsies" is by no means a good movie, really, but the music is catchy. Perhaps Ortega could bring the level of crappiness he brought to "Newsies" to "Footloose" -- matching hokey lyric for hokey lyric. What is Kenny Loggins up to these days?

Better yet, perhaps Ortega should make another "High School Musical" and leave anything Kevin Bacon has ever done alone.

'Phoenix' Rising

PhoenixFight.jpg

The Summer of Harry kicked off at midnight with the premiere of "Order of the Phoenix," the film adaptation of the fifth and too-long book in the almost-complete series. In a week and a half, millions will be lining up to find out how Harry Potter's journey ends, but for now, fans were satiated with the release of the fifth movie in the series.

"Phoenix" isn't perfect, and it doesn't match the excellent pacing and drama of "Goblet of Fire," but in many ways its makers didn't have a choice. The criticisms that can be said about the movie are the same criticisms that can be said about the book: There's just too much information to cover.

Harry stumbled through much of the book in the angst-riddled way only a 15-year-old who is almost murdered each year can. He's rude, obnoxious, pouty -- a teenager. Some of that is captured in the film, but mostly the viewer has to fill in the blanks. Dumbledore's Army is given ample screen time, but missing here are the backstories and character development: how Harry learns that the reason he can see the Thestrals pulling the carriages up to Hogwarts is because he's seen death, something that sets him apart from his friends; how Sirius in many ways confuses Harry with Harry's dad, James; how James and Sirius are knocked off the heroic pedestals Harry placed them on when Harry sees into Snape's mind and witnesses the two harassing Snape in school; how angry Harry felt at Dumbledore -- so angry that when the end finally comes, he can't contain all of his emotions.

These anecdotes are what make the books worth reading and what makes it OK that the movies can't fit them all in. The films are a supplement, really, a treat for fans who are thrilled to see Harry's world -- one that they've imagined for years -- come to life. I can't say whether someone who hasn't read the books will enjoy/understand the films, but the more people inspired to read the books after seeing the films, the better.

"Order of the Phoenix" is sad, funny, suspenseful and thrilling to watch. Imelda Staunton is the perfect Dolores Umbridge, the evil Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher sent from the Ministry of Magic; Helena Bonham Carter has almost too much fun as Bellatrix Lestrange, the death eater who tortured Neville Longbottom's parents; and Gary Oldman is reliable as ever as Sirius -- even if he doesn't receive enough screen time. Each film's effects top its predecessor's, and it's as entertaining to watch the sets and special effects evolve as it is to see how Harry, Ron and Hermione and the gang have grown. In one scene, in which Harry is telling his friends of his first kiss, all three laugh and kid around so naturally that I was struck for a moment, thinking we were probably seeing the actors' camaraderie shine through along with the characters'. With the past two films, we finally care about the characters we're seeing on screen for who they are on screen -- not who they are on the page.

The story of Harry's teenage years at Hogwarts is a journey, and each film has raised the bar for the next in the series -- just as each book has done. "Order of the Phoenix" is a task to read and a task to bring to life on screen, but its makers do so in style.

Rolling in the Aisles

Weddings are a time to rejoice ... except in movies, where onscreen ceremonies often inspire more laughter than tears. If the July 3 release of ‘License to Wed’ put you in the mood for more marital hijinks, here are our picks for the best wedding comedies ... -- ES & SC

LicenseWed.jpg“LICENSE TO WED”
Starring: Mandy Moore, Robin Williams and John Krasinski
Directed by: Ken Kwapis
Why we recommend it: There was a time when Robin Williams would have been the film’s primary comedic draw.

That time has passed.

Now if you want to bet on a movie being good, just scan the cast list to see if there is an “Office” actor in the credits (“Evan Almighty” aside.)

Krasinski makes his big-screen debut in this comedy about a couple who must pass a marriage preparation course to have their wedding in the wily Reverend Frank’s (Williams) church.
Williams has been described in some reviews as a “black hole of comedy,” but Krasinski has received kudos for trying to save a movie that really isn’t very good (see it's rating on Rotten Tomatoes for verification.)

On second thought, we don’t recommend the movie at all — but we do recommend an “Office” marathon on DVD. After all, Dunder- Mifflin has its own slew of romantic entanglements.

166288.jpg“MEET THE PARENTS”
Starring: Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro
Directed by: Jay Roach
Why we recommend it: If it weren’t for “Meet the Parents,” we never would have heard the phrase “Keep the snake in its cage” or thought about how unfortunate our married name might be Martha Focker, anyone?) It’s no wonder that “Parents” has become a comedic classic.

weddingcrashers_01.jpg“WEDDING CRASHERS”
Starring: Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn
Directed by: David Dobkin
Why we recommend it: A movie that treats marriage as anything but sacred (at least until the two main characters find love in the final act), “Crashers” was the kind of down-and-dirty “R” comedy that had become a Hollywood scarcity. Thank Wilson and Vaughn for making us laugh at our often overly sentimental wedding-day ways.

RunawayBride.jpg“RUNAWAY BRIDE”
Starring: Julia Roberts, Richard Gere
Directed by: Garry Marshall
Why we recommend it: Roberts savvily played off her runaway ways (remember the Keifer incident?) in this 1999 comedy, which some consider the sequel to “Pretty Woman.” Those who were hankering for a Roberts--Gere wedding in “Woman” were treated to the spectacle in “Bride,” along with three other near-nuptials.





WeddingSinger.jpg“THE WEDDING SINGER”
Starring: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore
Directed by: Frank Coraci
Why we recommend it: Bad hair, leg warmers and a Flock of Seagulls — ah, the 80s. Relive the synthesizer-laced magic in one of Sandler’s best roles as a down-and-out wedding singer reeling from being left at the altar. Fortunately for him, things begin to change as he befriends a different bride-to-be (Barrymore).

Continue reading "Rolling in the Aisles" »

You're on my List, Abilene

LoveJoy.jpgI thought we already went over this: I know what you're renting, Abilene, and it's not pretty. Almost two months ago, "Assault on Precinct 13" took the top spot as the most-rented video from the area on Netflix. I checked back in, and it appears a few lonely housewives have taken control of the family computer. It's hard to compare crap with crap, but I think the current list may be worse than May's.

The 25 most-rented movies of late, the top two of which were both directed by Michael Landon Jr.:

1. "Love's Abiding Joy"
2. "The Last Sin Eater"
3. "The Hitcher"
4. "Goal! The Dream Begins"
5. "Stay Alive"
6. "Sweet Home Alabama"
7. "An American Haunting"
8. "The Messengers"
9. "Ghost Rider"
10. "Norbit"
11. "An Unfinished Life"
12. "Jesse Stone: Night Passage"
13. "The Sandlot: Heading Home"
14. "Employee of the Month"
15. "Glory Road"
16. "Batman Begins"
17. "Until Death"
18. "Daddy's Little Girls"
19. "Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story"
20. "Charlotte's Web"
21. "Take the Lead"
22. "Firewall"
23. "Flicka"
24. "Catch and Release"
25. "House, M.D.: Season One"

Must Love Rats

0628ratatouille_bw.jpgWhat's up with rat and mouse cartoon characters? "Ratatouille," which opens tomorrow, joins a long list of films and TV shows dedicated to furry rodents. Seeing as how we didn't feel like writing about "Die Hard 4" or making a list of the best action flicks ever (we wouldn't have included "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"), as well as that Sarah was at Disneyland last week and wore mouse ears better than the 5-year-olds did, we have mice on the brain. Here's a rundown of the best screen rats and mice.


By Erin Steele

We don't want them in our homes, but we don't seem to mind them in our multiplexes (on the screens, at least.) With the release of ''Ratatouille,'' we have a brand new rodent to love -- and he joins a long line of beloved brethren. Here's our look at the mice who have entertained us for decades.

RATATOUILLE
This rat lives within the walls of a top-notch Paris bistro and dreams to become a top chef himself. Too bad his family isn't too supportive (they're happy with garbage), and the restaurant's patrons aren't too keen about having rats around (can you blame them?). Still, Pixar's newest film gives a sympathetic look at this rodent -- and it's rumored to be one of its best works yet.

Trivia:
The French waiter in the trailer talking about the cheeses is voiced by ''Ratatouille'' director Brad Bird. Bird also directed ''The Incredibles'' and ''The Iron Giant.''




0628mcikey_bw.jpgMICKEY MOUSE
No mouse is more famous than this Ub Iwerks creation, who has entertained children and adults for nearly 80 years. He made his first appearance in 1928's ''Plane Crazy,'' but the Disney company celebrates his birthday as Nov. 18, 1928, when ''Steamboat Willie'' was released. Originally voiced by Walt Disney, Mickey has transformed several times since his birth. The one constant? The love children have for this anthropomorphic cartoon mouse.




0628mighty_bw.jpgMIGHTY MOUSE
Created by the Terrytoons studio for 20th Century Fox, Mighty Mouse is a superhero who was originally a parody of Superman. Like Superman, Mighty Mouse can fly, has X-Ray vision and incredible strength. The only difference? Well, that tail, for one. The Mighty Mouse cartoon was on television from 1959-1961, before CBS discontinued new episodes.




0628speedy_bw.jpgSPEEDY GONZALES
Speedy Gonzales is ''the fastest mouse in all Mexico,'' an animated cartoon mouse from the Warner Brothers Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies series of cartoons. His major trait is his ability to run extremely fast.

He debuted in 1953's ''Cat-Tails for Two,'' directed by Robert McKimson. While he existed mainly in cartoon form in the the 20th century, he's made several reappearances in the new millennium, including a cameo appearance alongside Porky Pig in the 2003 film ''Looney Tunes: Back in Action,'' making fun of his politically incorrect status, and in a series of Spanish-language commercials for the Volkswagen Golf.

0628stuart_bw.jpgSTUART LITTLE
Stuart (voiced by Michael J. Fox) was so lovable, he was even adopted by a human family. His biggest enemy? The family cat, who just can't wait to get rid of the new adoptee. But Stuart proves the good mouse always wins.




0628danger_bw.jpgDANGER MOUSE
If James Bond were a mouse, he would be Danger Mouse. The British TV show, which began airing in the U.S. in 1984, is a loose parody of spy fiction, with the lead character working as a special agent. And what about that eye patch? DM doesn't actually need it, but as he points out, ''it's part of the suit.''

13 Reasons 'Ocean's Thirteen' Probably Won't Be Funny

Fake moustaches ... Prosthetic noses ... Faltering careers. You get the picture.

By Erin Steele

0607Damon.jpg1. THE BIG FAKE SCHNOZ
Not only is this go-to gag no longer funny, in the case of Matt Damon’s Linus Caldwell, it’s downright scary (sort of Virginia Woolf meets Lemony Snicket’s Count Olaf. Not good.)




2. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE GUY WHO DIRECTED ‘TRAFFIC’?
Remember when Steven Soderbergh was one of the industry’s most accomplished directors? After wowing audiences — and Cannes judges — with “sex, lies and videotape” in 1989, he went on to create other acclaimed films, including “King of the Hill,” “Erin Brockovich” and “Traffic.” The fact that he’s settled for a third installment in a sometimes entertaining, if all-too-fluffy, trilogy is no laughing matter.

0607Clooney.jpg3. HIJACKING THE SELLECK®
Moustaches are awesome — and also funny — but only when they’re real. Case in point: Never has there been facial hair as entertaining as Tom Selleck’s. But it’s nothing to smile about when someone hijacks The Selleck, especially when it’s fake. Shame on you, Clooney.

4. HEY, GOOD LOOKING
Beautiful people just aren’t as funny. Look at the industry’s most famous comics: Robin Williams. Billy Crystal. Carrot Top. They’re all ugly. This just doesn’t bode well.

0607French.jpg5. FRENCH FEAR
It’s hard to laugh at Vincent Cassel. You know why? Because if his other roles are any indication, he just might kill you for it. This French baddie has starred in “Irreversible” and “Derailed” — and he’s terrifying.


6. ‘DINER’ WAS A LONG TIME AGO
Ellen Barkin was very funny in “Diner.” “Diner” was released in 1982. Since then, she’s been more of a drama queen, with the exception of “Drop Dead Gorgeous,” which, let’s face it, just wasn’t funny.

Continue reading "13 Reasons 'Ocean's Thirteen' Probably Won't Be Funny" »

Now In Theaters

KnockedBed.jpgFor those of you sick of "Pirates" and "Spider-Man 3" hogging all the screens at your local theater, today's new, adult-targeted releases are a sight for sore eyes. Judd Apatow's "Knocked Up," the follow-up to his 2005 hit "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," will likely earn the most of the new releases, and it's already won the best reviews.

"It is sharp but not mean, sweet but not soft, and for all its rowdy obscenity it rarely feels coarse or crude. What it does feel is honest: about love, about sex, and above all about the built-in discrepancies between what men and women expect from each other and what they are likely to get." -- A.O. Scott, The New York Times

"No one writes for ensembles better than Apatow, and his players are all skilled at giving his work a loose, improvisational feel. That looseness again results in a comedy that stretches well past the two-hour mark, but that's part of the Apatow touch: He makes viewers want to hang out with his characters indefinitely." -- Scott Tobias, The Onion (A.V. Club)

An interesting take on the film, though, came from several woman critics who enjoyed the film but thought Apatow stacked the deck in favor of his male characters:

"I think what it boils down to is this: Apatow writes men with far more insight and acuity than he writes women. As a result, his portrait of contemporary gender relations is unbalanced: Crude and hilarious in Guyville, he seizes up when he gets to Ladyland and allows himself to take refuge in comfortable clichés." -- Dana Stevens, Slate

"But "Knocked Up" is so enamored of Ben and his insouciant charm that it fails to wonder what it must feel like for the girl. It's one thing to go with the idea that Ben and Alison dwell in different leagues, which after all is the point of the movie. It's another thing altogether for the heroine, who in true girl-on-pedestal form is beautiful, smart, successful, nice and pretty much cool with everything, never to get even the tiniest chance to wonder if maybe she might have done a little better." -- Carina Chocano, L.A. Times

Critics weren't as kind to the other openers, "Mr. Brooks," starring Kevin Costner as a serial killer, and "Gracie," an inspirational sports underdog flick about a girl soccer player on an all-boys team:

"Mr.Brooks"
"The film feels sleazy and nasty -- but without the pulp kick of filmmakers who know how to do sleazy and nasty." -- Kirk Honeycutt, The Hollywood Reporter

"Gracie"
"Modestly engaging but thoroughly predictable." -- Joe Leydon, Variety

Wahlberg Watch: "It's All 'Happening'" Edition

Zooey.jpgZooey Deschanel has joined the cast of M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening," starring alongside Mark Wahlberg in the action-thriller about a family on the run from "a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity."

Details about the film are being kept under wraps, but Deschanel's cool presence gives me hope -- she's right up there with Erin's crush Maggie Gyllenhaal. She's talented enough to survive any kind of debacle Shyamalan will likely create, especially if he casts himself in the lynchpin role again. Plus, she'll be with the Wahlberg, who can do no wrong.

harrypotterworld1Small.jpgIn other Hollywood news: The release date for "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" was pushed up two days to July 11. Could Warner Brothers have its sights set on beating the "Pirates 3" five-day haul this past weekend? Or do they just feel like jumping in on the Sony-Disney pissing match over which studio tricked the most amount of people into seeing their weak third installments to blockbuster franchises? Either way, the "Potter" news came right before even better news for fans: Universal Orlando will build a themed area of rides, shops and restaurants called "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter" at its Islands of Adventure, set to open late 2009. Best. Idea. Ever.

And finally: Lindsay Lohan's crash and burn last weekend is prompting L.A. authorities to scrutinize the city's young Hollywood hot spots to see if they're serving alcohol after hours and/or to minors. I'm sure they didn't serve her alcohol. Why risk losing your license when your young clientele are already loaded up on coke, a substance that has no age requirement? You wouldn't. Just point the girls to the bathroom stalls and serve drinks to the 21-and-over crowd, Hollywood. It's the only way.

Movie News: Unholy Remake Edition

DannyKaye.jpgMike Myers, who fooled millions into seeing "Shrek the Third' this weekend, will headline a remake of the 1947 classic "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" starring Danny Kaye (pictured).

This pains me. I grew up on Danny Kaye -- I won't lie. I think "The Court Jester" is awesome and I love "White Christmas." (I also grew up on a heavy dose of Rogers & Hammerstein, '80s country, Neil Diamond and "Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre." I'm just surprised I have friends.) Anyway, Kaye is great and timeless and wonderful, and Myers is the dude from "Wayne's World." Granted, the original "Mitty" isn't magical, and not all remakes are bad, blah blah blah, but the current trend to remake anything and everything instead of finding new stories to tell grew old years ago.

According to THR: "This is the latest incarnation for 'Mitty,' which over the years has attracted the likes of Jim Carrey and Eddie Murphy, even Whoopi Goldberg in a 'Martha Mitty' version. Directors that came and went included Steven Spielberg and Chuck Russell."

We can all send up a feeble prayer of thanks for Eddie Murphy not landing the role, but we might as well ask God why he didn't let Hollywood burn as punishment for "Norbit." I guess we can settle for the 20ish good movies it releases a year and cry about the rest.

Once Upon a Grown-Up Time

051707insider.jpg

Those who missed out on "Pan’s Labyrinth" while it was in theaters now have the chance to view the film on DVD thanks to its Tuesday release. But did the film leave you hankering for more adult-tailored fairy tales? Us too. If you’re looking for your cinematic happily ever after, here are a few options.

“Pan’s Labyrinth”
This pitch-black fable is the story of innocence marred by violence as told against an eerie mythological backdrop. The skillful performances (especially by Ivana Baquero as the film’s heroine, Ofelia) and artful direction by Guillermo del Toro elevate “Labyrinth” beyond fairy tale and into the realm of pure movie magic.

“The Princess Bride”
Most everyone watched this adventure as a kid — probably when home sick from school like Fred Savage’s character. The story of giants, swordsmen, true love, death, miracle pills, the Cliffs of Insanity and rodents of unusual sizes is a treat for all ages — as are the memorable quotes. Inigo Montoya’s father speech, anyone? Inconceivable!

BigFish.jpg<<“Big Fish”
Tim Burton’s fantasy-filled tale of family ties and father-son relationships warmed even the coldest heart. Will Bloom (Billy Crudup) never believed the tall tales his dad, Ed (Albert Finney/Ewan McGregor), told, but he returns home to visit Ed when he’s dying of cancer. Piecing together Ed’s life stories, Will soon learns there’s truth in his dad’s myths.

“Secretary”
“Fairy tale” probably isn’t the first thing people think of when they view this 2002 film about a secretary (Maggie Gyllenhaal) who is devoted to her boss (James Spader) — especially when it comes to the more unprofessional aspects of their relationship. But the film plays like a revisionist “Little Red Riding Hood” ... but in this case, the heroine is all too happy to be the prey.

“Ladyhawke”
This ’80s-tastic flick follows Mouse (Matthew Broderick) as he escapes from a dungeon and teams up with Captain Navarre in the woods. What’s with the hawk on Navarre’s arm? Oh, it’s Michelle Pfeiffer. Thanks to a curse, she and the captain are split: she’s a hawk by day; he’s a wolf by night. Bummer.

“Lady in the Water”
When Cleveland (Paul Giamatti) rescues a woman (Bryce Dallas Howard) from his apartment complex’s pool, he has no idea of the mysterious world he’s about to be pulled into: She’s a character from a bedtime story — named Story — and is a “Narf.” What can we say? It’s an M. Knight Shyamalan flick.

“Ever After”
A feminist reworking of “Cinderella” that is also full of references to Leonardo da Vinci (who woulda thought?), this delightful romantic dramedy is a testament to how much we still love a good happily ever after. Starring Dougray Scott and Drew Barrymore at her most charming, “Ever After” is a sweet treat for fairy tale enthusiasts.

Stardust.jpgComing soon: “Stardust”>>
This fairy tale, based on the book of the same name by Neil Gaiman, tells the story of a young man who promises his beloved that he will retrieve a fallen star (Claire Danes) by entering the magical realm. Chock full of stars (of the human variety), “Stardust” promises to be an enchanting movie experience adults can enjoy. The film is set for an Aug. 10 release.

-- Erin Steele and Sarah Carlson

Oh, Emo Spidey

EmoSpidey.jpgThe reviews for the much-anticipated "Spider-Man 3" are mixed, but the clear opinion is that the third installment is weaker than its predecessors. I saw a midnight showing with hundreds and hundreds of my fellow Abilenians, and although the special effects were amazing and it had its funny moments, I couldn't help but be disappointed. Perhaps I went in with my hopes too high; I was just asking for a let-down by walking around the office yesterday trying to coerce co-workers to see the midnight showing with me while half-yelling "Spider-Man" and pretending to shoot spider webs out of my arm. I was entertained, though, especially when my friend Courtney rightly concluded that the dark, Emo Spider-Man (pictured) looked like Garth Brook's alter-ego Chris Gaines. Think about it.

"Spider-Man 3" is still worth your time, but I can't promise if you'll love it or hate it. I can say, though, that my friend Ryan said it best: It's the "Return of the Jedi" of the series. If you're not a geek, then that won't make sense to you. But trust us. Here's a look at some of its mixed reviews, from best to worst:

"This is a wonderfully imagined, heartfelt piece of pop entertainment that soars not only for its spectacular eye candy, but also during the moments when its protagonists simply stand still and talk to each other. How many comic-book movies can you say that about?" -- Rene Rodriguez, Miami Herald

"The wow factor works overtime with state-of-the-art effects sequences that often are as beautiful as they are astonishing." -- Michael Rechtshaffen, The Hollywood Reporter

"Overly long and complicated, it's packed with crowd-pleasing moments and satisfactorily wraps up the trilogy -- without quite capturing the magic of the first two installments." -- Lou Lumenick, New York Post

"So Spider-Man 3's action is superb and its theme fairly weighty. Then why does it feel a letdown from its predecessor? Nearly all the blame rests with director Sam Raimi, who's taken the success of some light slapstick moments in Spider-Man 2 as a cue to get even sillier." -- Noel Murray, The Onion (A.V. Club)

"An overlong, visually incoherent, mean-spirited and often just plain awful Spider-Man 3." -- Ann Hornaday, Washington Post

Inside 'Spider-Man 3'

050307insider.jpg

>> A mysterious black substance bonds to Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), turning his famous red-and-blue suit black — and darkening his personality as well. Driven by revenge, ego and amplified powers, Peter discovers his greatest enemy just might be himself.

0503web.jpg<< PETER PARKER & MARY JANE WATSON
After the turmoil Peter Parker faced in his personal life in “Spider-Man 2,” the newest installment in the series allows Peter to strike a balance between his love for Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) and his life as a superhero. The only problems? Gwen Stacy and Parker’s less-than-savory new personality all threaten to drive a wedge between Spidey and his red-headed paramour.

0503harry.jpg>> HARRY OSBORN IS THE NEW GOBLIN
Peter Parker’s best friend Harry (James Franco) still believes Parker’s alter ego killed his father. His hunger for vengeance leads to his transformation into the New Goblin — picking up where his dad left off.





THE NEW FACES OF SPIDER-MAN 3

0503sandman.jpg<< FLINT MARKO/SANDMAN
(Thomas Haden Church)
Peter Parker is driven to revenge after discovering Marko is the real killer of his Uncle Ben. Problem is Marko is transformed into the indestructible Sandman after a freak accident, meaning Spider-Man has a rather large battle on his hands.





0503gwen.jpg>> GWEN STACY
(Bryce Dallas Howard)
The beautiful blonde is Peter Parker’s lab partner, whom he uses to make Mary Jane jealous while exploring the darker side of his personality. Gwen is also taken by Peter — and his alter ego — to the dismay of her admirer, Daily Bugle photog Eddie Brock.





0503venom.jpg<< EDDIE BROCK/VENOM
(Topher Grace)
An unscrupulous Daily Bugle photographer, Brock is head over heels for Gwen Stacy.
When Peter Parker shows interest in the object of his affection, Brock goes ballistic — and then Venom-ous once the black goo that affected Peter latches on to him.



What The Frak, Abilene ...

FinalDestination.jpgMy colleague pointed out to me that on the Netflix home page, he's able to see the most popular rentals picked by his fellow Abilenians. The list of titles being rented the most out of this area is disturbing at best. Take a look:

1. "Assault on Precinct 13"
2. "Final Destination 3"
3. "Mission: Impossible II"
4. "The Wicker Man"
5. "Love's Enduring Promise"
6. "Guess Who"
7. "The Ant Bully"
8. "Flight 93"
9. "Glory Road"
10. "The Nativity Story"

The list continues, and "Barbie Fairytopia: Magic of the Rainbow" (No. 17) makes an appearance, as does "The Shaggy Dog" (No. 21). "Inside Man" (No. 15) also makes the list, so that's the one high note, but for the most part I've officially lost faith in the movie-viewing public of my town. All you Netflixers should take a step back, reevaluate your entertainment needs and desires and think twice before asking that "See No Evil" (No. 11) be sent to your house. Stumped for ideas? Check out what Pajiba.com readers are renting. You're likely to find better suggestions than "The Wicker Man." So go ahead -- restore my hope in humanity. Please?

Take Me Away -- I Don't Mind -- But You Better Promise Me I'll Be Back in Time

The only thing more unbelievable than Jessica Biel dating Nicolas Cage? Time travel! Yet Hollywood has made a fortune on the topic. In honor of “Next” opening in theaters this weekend, here’s a look at our favorite time-bending travel flicks. -- Erin Steele and Sarah Carlson

0426deadzone_color.jpgTHE DEAD ZONE
Why it’s great: First of all, it features Christopher Walken in quasi-crazy mode, and you can’t go wrong there. Plus, Walken’s character, Johnny Smith, is a schoolteacher turned psychic detective, which is a pretty awesome career change, I have to say. But the best part is how Smith not only sees people’s futures (by coming in physical contact with them; let’s hope this power doesn’t fall into the wrong hands) but tries to change their fates. Now that’s cool.
It's time for a fun fact! This film (and the novel by Stephen King) are both loosely based upon the life of famous psychic Peter Hurkos.

0426bill_color.jpgBILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
Why it’s great: High school can be torture, especially when a student’s ticket to graduation is an oral history presentation before the entire school (San-Dimas-High-School-football-rules!). Fortunately for Ted “Theodore” Logan (Keanu Reeves) and Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winter), a phone booth time machine transports them through time to collect colorful characters — Napoleon, Joan of Arc, Genghis Khan, Socrates, etc. — to help them make the grade. Long live Wyld Stallyns.
It's time for a fun fact! The footage for Napoleon's battle in Austria was taken from the 1956 American movie “War and Peace.”

0426groundhog_color.jpgGROUNDHOG DAY
Why it’s great: A comedy classic, “Groundhog Day” features Bill Murray reliving the titular time period over and over and over. You’d think this would make the film a one-note joke, but you’d be wrong: The movie wrings numerous laughs from our anti-hero’s unfortunate fate. Also boasting a surprisingly touching relationship between Murray and the usually wooden Andie MacDowell, “Groundhog Day” is a movie well worth revisiting.
It's time for a fun fact! Director Harold Ramis originally wanted Tom Hanks for the lead role, but decided against it, saying that Hanks was "too nice.”

0426going_color.jpg13 GOING ON 30
Why it’s great: When 13-year-old Jenna is granted her wish to become “thirty, flirty and thriving,” she’s got to survive the future corporate world with her teenage mind and adult body. Scary, but hey, at least she gets to look like Jennifer Garner and make out with Mark Ruffalo. Life can’t be that bad. Jenna infuses everything around her with a palpable vibrancy, reminding us all that it’s important not to forget the innocence and optimism of our youth.
It's time for a fun fact! The Poise article that Jenna is reading at 13 ("Thirty, Flirty & Thriving"), features the apartment that she later lives in at 30.

0426back.jpgBACK TO THE FUTURE
Why it’s great: Always entertaining and endlessly quotable, the “Back to the Future” series (perhaps minus the second installment) may be the pinnacle of cinematic odes to time travel, not to mention a key player in big-budget '80s films that ushered in the blockbuster era. Who hasn’t wanted a flying DeLorean? Who hasn’t said “Great Scot!” or mumbled something about their flux capacitor when their uncool car wasn’t working? No one. Marty McFly is everyone’s hero.
It's time for a fun fact! The chime of the Clock Tower in 1955 is intentionally the same as the chime in the 1960 movie “The Time Machine.”

Not Showing at a Theater Near You: "Diggers"

0426diggers_color.jpg"Diggers" opens in limited release Friday, and though you won’t find it here (for now), this engaging tribute to Long Island clamdiggers is worth checking out if you stumble across it. Here’s a look at a Q&A with the filmmakers and stars of the film, who attended this year’s South by Southwest film festival in Austin.

AUSTIN — In the Omni Austin Downtown, the cast and crew behind two of the South by Southwest film festival's biggest showcases, "Diggers" and "The Ten," have gathered after a long night of karaoke.

David Wain, Paul Rudd, Ken Marino and Katherine Dieckmann all sit around a conference table in the upscale hotel, the quartet's drollness undulled by drowsiness. Even after a late night of belting out who knows how many hours of tunes, the gang is still on their game.

"It was awesome. Karaoke is always awesome," Rudd said. "Actually, it's not always awesome. But it was awesome."

It's hard to say for sure if Rudd meant what he said, since he's spent the past few years in the company of Wain and Marino as part of the group's "State" company, which has crafted such camp classics as "Wet Hot American Summer."

But the group was more than happy to show off its more serious side — at least on film. The festival screened "Diggers," a drama written by Marino, directed by Dieckmann, produced by Wain and starring Marino and Rudd that tells the story of 1970s Long Island clamdiggers struggling to make ends meet. The film is based on Marino's childhood memories of growing up in New York.

Q: How personal of a story is "Diggers" for you, and what made you decide it was the right time in your career to tell it?

KM: I wanted to write a screenplay, and they always say write what you know. So I wrote what I remembered growing up; I wrote about a time and place that's special to me. And that's the story that came out.

PR: Because your father and grandfather were clamdiggers.

KM: Yes.

KD: He had a personal connection to the story.

KM: I haven't had my coffee yet.

Continue reading "Not Showing at a Theater Near You: "Diggers"" »

Au Revoir, Winter Icon

I'm guessing last weekend was our last bout with wintry weather until at least November (though this being Texas, it's hard to say for sure), which means one very important thing: It's time to bid a fond adieu to the snowman.

snowman.jpg Sure, the flakes never really fell hard enough for us to build a mammoth snow sculpture, but every time the cold white powder started fluttering to earth, didn't you just pray there would be enough to construct your own little multi-tiered man, accented with a stylish hat crooked atop his frigid head? Didn't you rummage through your closet, hoping to select the perfect scarf -- hey, maybe one with snowmen on it! -- to wrap around his snowy neck in the off-chance that snowy neck would no longer just be part of some weird daydream and enter the realm of reality? No? Well I did. You know why? 'Cause snowmen are freakin' AWESOME!

Just think of all the cool movies and television shows that have featured snowmen: "Frosty the Snowman," "Jack Frost," "The Magic Snowman," "Santa vs. Snowman," "The Snowman who Saved Summer" (which I must see immediately), "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Oh, and "Man Beast." For real. Plus, I hear among Mormon kids, snowmen are ranked third in popularity, playing runner-up only to Jesus and Joseph Smith.

So it makes me sad that I have no real hope of seeing a snowman until much, much later in the year, if at all. A very good friend of mine is a snowman, but he morphs into a fire-man in the summer, which is also awesome, but the headgear isn't as neat. My suggestion: Unless, like me, you dream about snowmen every night, satisfy your thirst by renting a snowman movie or two. Call it Christmas in, er, April, I guess.

Blogger's note: Yes, this is a random entry. Enjoy it for its peculiar charms. Or don't.

This Really Will Live Forever

Fame 1.jpgIn another sign that nothing made in the '80s is sacred (A remake of "Weird Science"? Say it isn't so!), MGM is backing a remake of the 1980 movie "Fame." The Allan Parker film followed aspiring performers at the New York Academy of Performing Arts and helped usher in a decade of slouch socks, ripped work-out tees and bike shorts over sweatpants, best worn by Josh Brolin in "The Goonies." It's not great, but it's a "classic" in the sense that it came out in a decade in which Anthony Michael Hall was an "actor" and Michael Jackson was "black." You can't help but not hate it.

According to THR:

[MGM COO Rick] Sands said MGM has hired a writer and director for the project but offered no further details. Casting has not yet begun. He said the studio plans to retain many of the musical elements of the original movie that also launched a global television hit and international stage show.

"We'll update it, (but) we'll still keep some of the songs. The script is being written right now, but we are keeping it under wraps. There will be a strong musical component, though," Sands said.

I believe the update they're looking for already came in "Center Stage," but it didn't have the catchy tunes. And by catchy, I mean horrible.

Mamma Mia! This is the Most Random Musical Ever!

Colin Firth.jpgColin "wet shirt" Firth has joined the cast of "Mamma Mia!" -- the screen version of the hit ABBA-loving musical. He joins Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Amanda Seyfried, Stellan Skarsgard and Christine Baranski. This means the guy who will always be known as Darcy joins the girl from "Mean Girls," Prof. Gerald Lambeau from "Good Will Hunting," James Bond, and the woman from "Cybill." Awesome.

According to THR:

The story revolves around a bride-to-be (Seyfried) and her formerly rebellious mom (Streep) who raised her on a Greek island and never disclosed the identity of her father. The bride locates three men who might be her father and invites them to her wedding. The musical features 22 ABBA songs, including "Dancing Queen," "Take a Chance on Me" and "The Winner Takes It All."

Firth is one of the three possible fathers, a British businessman. Firth previously sang, though briefly, in "The Importance of Being Earnest," but "Mamma Mia!" will be his first musical.

Skarsgard plays another possible dad. Baranski portrays a plastic surgery-loving party girl in her 40s who is bossy and boozy.

Now that I have "Dancing Queen" in my head, my only hope is that they work in a scene where The Firth has to go swimming in his clothes and will later gaze longingly at someone as she plays the piano. And then Pierce will shoot him, Meryl will cry and win an Oscar for it, and Stellan will just sit there and smoke, looking bored. The end.

Tobey Maguire Isn't Intense, He Just Looks That Way

Tobey.jpgThe cast of "Spider-Man 3" walked the red carpet in Japan on Monday at the world premiere of the hopefully final installment of one of the best superhero film franchises. But talk is swirling about a possible "Spider-Man 4," and both Maguire and Kirsten Dunst seem apprehensive.

According to Variety: "Maguire has been coy about whether this is his final "Spider-Man" movie. 'I feel like this film is kind of a natural conclusion to a lot of stuff that's happened in the first two movies,' Maguire said. 'It kind of feels like a natural trilogy,' the 31-year-old actor said, adding that he's open to donning the Spider-Man suit again 'if a story presents itself, if we come up with something we feel deserves to be told.' I'm not going to make them just because they've been successful.'"

Dunst told Entertainment Weekly that she would only return if Maguire and director Sam Raimi did as well. ''It's disrespectful to the whole team, I think, to do that. And audiences aren't stupid," she said. "It'd be a big flop without me, Tobey, or Sam. That would really not be the smartest move. But they know that already. [Sony chief] Amy Pascal would never do that.''

Raimi is reportedly interested in filming "The Hobbit," depending on whether Peter Jackson settles his feud with New Line. Despite saying ''Peter Jackson might be the best filmmaker on the planet right now," which makes him delusional in my book, Raimi could be capable of pulling off "The Hobbit." But do we want a "Spider-Man 4"? Sony's President of Production Matt Tolmach seems to think so, according to EW.

''Listen, we're making Spider-Man 4," he said. Our hope, dream, and intention is to do it with Sam. But I don't have a crystal ball.''

This 'Stranger' is Perfect

The new Halle Berry and Bruce Willis flick, "Perfect Stranger," is sitting at an 11 percent fresh rating on rottentomatoes.com at the moment -- another flop (at least critically) for Berry, whose Oscar-winning days are a thing of her pre-"Catwoman" past. Instead of torturing yourself this weekend by seeing "Strangers," or by renting her award-winning film "Monster's Ball" (also is torture in my book), just watch this YouTube clip of the better "Perfect Stranger" -- "Perfect Strangers," that is. If I could create a perfect TV channel, this show would be on it. I miss Cousin Larry and Balki. But doesn't everyone?

So Dark the Con of Hollywood

HanksCode.jpgFans of Tom Hank's semi-mullet, rejoice! Hanks and director Ron Howard are reportedly in final negotiations to bring "Angels & Demons," the prequel to "The Da Vinci Code," to the screen. Hanks will reprise his role as Professor Robert Langdon, oh he of sexy stubble and bad dialogue, which rises to the level of verbal diarrhea in the hands of Dan Brown.

"The Da Vinci Code" was panned by critics, but a $758 million worldwide box-office haul will always win in the long run. According to The Hollywood Reporter, "Internet rumors have been swirling that Hanks is about to receive Hollywood's biggest payday ever." I've heard "Angels & Demons" is the better of the two and in it, according to Amazon.com, "Langdon is shocked to find proof that the legendary secret society, the Illuminati -- dedicated since the time of Galileo to promoting the interests of science and condemning the blind faith of Catholicism -- is alive, well, and murderously active." I'm assuming more happens, but I didn't feel like ready any further.

Let's at least hope they cast a more believable love interest for the prof this time because no one bought the Audrey Tautou-Tom Hanks pairing for a second. That's like pairing Nicolas Cage with Jessica Biel. Talk about boxing out of your weight class.

Disturbance in the 'Burbs

0412insiderColor.jpg

‘Disturbia’ continues Hollywood’s long tradition of delving into the seedy underbelly of suburbia.

In honor of the film’s Friday release, here’s our look at some of the genre’s recent entries

0412beauty_color.jpg<< AMERICAN BEAUTY
When a depressed man grows tired of his perfect life, he quits his job and brings new definition to “mid-life crisis” — especially when he becomes infatuated with his daughter’s friend. “Beauty” blows apart the often rose-tinted view of suburban life.



0412arlington_color.jpg>> ARLINGTON ROAD
This 1999 film is even more disturbing in our post-9/11 world. After his FBI-agent wife is killed in an anti-terrorism operation, a professor becomes obsessed with the subject and is soon convinced his new neighbors are terrorists. Are they?


Chumbscrubber.jpg<< THE CHUMSCRUBBER
This clumsy tale of pill-popping teens and their clueless parents, nestled within the cockles of suburbia, was marketed as a look at “Generation Rx.” Still, it has some (unintentionally) entertaining moments (you’ll never look at dolphins the same.)



0412darko_color.jpg>> DONNIE DARKO
This modern-day cult classic was two-parts suburban dysfunction, one-part thriller. The only thing scarier than Donnie’s imaginary bunny friend are the eccentrics who line his otherwise unassuming neighborhood.


Happiness.jpg<< HAPPINESS
Perhaps one of cinema’s gutsiest, most controversial looks at “ordinary” people, “Happiness” is populated by suburbanites with a stream of peculiar problems (including a wannabe hermit, a phone-sex addict and a pedophile.) It’s not for the squeamish.


0412virgin_color.jpg>> THE VIRGIN SUICIDES
Sofia Coppola’s first feature-length film provides a haunting look at the five Lisbon sisters and their isolation in the suburbs. When one of the sisters commits suicide, it’s pretty much downhill for the rest. “Suicides” is dark, unsettling and beautiful.

This just in: Marcia Gay Harden Eaten by Zombie

Harden.jpgAt a read-through for Lionsgate's upcoming film "The Christmas Cottage," based on the life of "painter" Thomas Kinkade and the painting of the same name, actress Marcia Gay Harden was attacked and killed by actor Peter O'Toole.

While thumbing through her script, the band-aid on Harden's pointer finger fell off, revealing a minor cut with just enough dried blood around it to grab O'Toole's attention. Hollywood insiders have long known the decrepit actor is a zombie, and he's usually flanked by several aides whose job is to make sure he doesn't come into contact with human blood. Unfortunately, Dean from "Gilmore Girls," who is portraying Kinkade in the feature, asked that the read-through be private so that he could focus on portraying the American "painter" whose works have graced greeting cards and nursing home parlor walls for decades. Dean had been staring at "The Christmas Cottage" for 20 minutes and was so blinded by his tears he failed to notice O'Toole making a grab at Harden -- first for her leg, then for her brains.

"I was trying to comprehend how Kinky -- as I like to call him -- made the light falling onto the snow look so real," Dean said. "It just glows and makes me feel so warm. I didn't have time to save Marcia. At least she died working on such an amazing project, though, you know?"

Harden is survived by her husband, Thaddeus Scheel, their three children, and the Oscar she won for "Pollock."

O'Toole was restrained and reprimanded, and filming for "The Christmas Cottage" will continue as scheduled and Harden's character recast, according to a Lionsgate rep who wished to remain anonymous. "A film about Thomas Kinkade is just too important [to not film]," said the source. "We'll miss Marcia, but I mean, come on -- it's Kinkade!"

"Grindhouse" review, the split view: "Planet Terror"

Grindhouse2.jpg“Planet Terror” begins, after deliberate technical difficulties and a fake trailer for a film called “Machete,” with a long look at Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), a go-go dancer disillusioned with her profession and nursing old heartaches. Director Robert Rodriguez (“Sin City,” “Desperado”) does his best to show us every one of Cherry’s curves -- and every one of her tears -- which sets the tone for the entire experience that is “Grindhouse”: a pulpy, bloody, silly ode to exploitation films brought to you by likely two of the genre’s biggest fans, Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, who each share an obsession with their heroines. Tarantino's more serious, character-driven "Death Proof" might be the better of the two films, but "Planet Terror" is simply more fun.

Cherry walks out on her go-go dancing gig in a small Texas town, heads to a local barbecue joint to mope and contemplates her dream career in stand-up comedy. Here she runs into Wray (Freddy Rodriguez), a junkyard owner with a dark past, whom she walked out on not too long ago. He agrees to give her a ride home, but their trip is cut short thanks to a chemical weapons trade gone awry.

Dangerous chemicals were released at a military base two miles up the road, and once you come in contact with them and don’t have the proper anecdote, your skin will start to bubble, you’ll break out in sores and you’ll have the strange desire to rip apart other humans and eat their flesh. Drag. Wray’s tow truck is overturned and Cherry’s pulled out by the zombie-like victims of the chemicals, but Wray saves her just as they’ve pulled off her leg. Wray is taken into custody by the sheriff (Michael Biehn) and Cherry heads to the hospital, which is quickly being overrun by patients with bubbling skin.

Continue reading ""Grindhouse" review, the split view: "Planet Terror"" »

"Grindhouse" review, the split view: "Death Proof"

Grindhouse1.jpgQuentin Tarantino’s “Death Proof” isn’t so much a movie as a love letter, an obsessive ode to cinema’s seedy past that celebrates cars, crashes and kick-ass ladies. But this isn’t a letter written by hand -- it’s composed of a jagged alphabet torn from different magazines, a crazed, haphazard declaration that will leave you uneasy. “Planet Terror” might get to your gag reflex, but “Death Proof” gets under your skin.

But in the world of “Grindhouse,” this is far from a negativism. Indeed, “Death Proof” may be one of Tarantino’s boldest works yet, an example of how this great appreciator turns film history on its head. Drawing from such cult classics as “Vanishing Point,” Cronenberg’s “Crash,” “Gone in 60 Seconds” (but not that “Angelina Jolie bull****,” as one character says) and the entire Russ Meyer filmography, “Death Proof” is a thrill ride with a brain. The reason the aforementioned films found success isn’t just that they were goofball journeys into the taboo; it’s that, like “Death Proof’s” main character Stuntman Mike, there’s a little bit of voyeur in all of us.

It’s not obvious at first that Tarantino is deviating slightly from his earlier films. The first 15 minutes of “Death Proof” is quintessential Quentin, as his characters drive down abandoned Austin roads, dissecting the pop-culture terrain in the director’s trademark fashion. By the time they’re making conversation at the capital’s famed Texas Chili Parlor, you think you know where all of this is headed -- at least until you notice Kurt Russell’s scarfaced stunt driver sitting quietly in the corner.

Continue reading ""Grindhouse" review, the split view: "Death Proof"" »

The return of O'Ghoul (bow to your zombie master)

venus2_large copy.jpg If there's one celebrity in the world who excites me more than Mark Wahlberg, it's Peter O'Toole (though in a completely different kind of way). I'm always happy to hear that O'Ghoul is still alive -- he's like the guy you knew in high school who moved on to a fruitful career of concocting meth out of glass particles and chipmunks, and it's always sort of surprising to find out he hasn't spun off this mortal coil yet. And then you wish him well and don't really think about him for another few years.

But then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, O'Ghoul receives an Oscar nomination and then he shows up in the Hollywood Reporter, and you realize that he and his classically-trained zombie actor comrades might well be about to take over the human race, and even though that's a scary thought, it's better than say, I dunno, Carrot Top terrorizing cineplexes. Plus, it's an oddly appropriate precursor to seeing the "Planet Terror" segment of "Grindhouse" on Friday, and it's always good to prepare oneself for an experience like that.

But I am happy that O'Ghoul -- who was awesome when he was a, uh, youngerish chap in "Lawrence of Arabia" and quite ghoulicious in "Venus," I've heard, though my gag reflex hasn't yet become immune to 112-year-old men lusting after 20-year-old women, so I haven't seen it -- continues to receive work, even if said work is based on a PAINTING. Apparently, Hollywood doesn't even need words anymore to make a movie fly. "Hey guys, let's make a movie about that fire hydrant. No, that one. Yeah, the one that Buick is parked by. Tell it we'll give it a three-picture deal and a date with Paris Hilton. No, she's cool with fire hydrants. Remember how she gave that one on Wilshire herpes? And then Lohan went out with it too, and that's why everyone started calling her 'fire crotch.' Dude, that was so not unexpected at all!"

Then again, "Girl With the Pearl Earring" was good, but somehow I find Vermeer slightly more fascinating than Thomas Kinkade; at least they don't make jigsaw puzzles out of his paintings. Why pay $10 to see a movie about Kinkade's "Christmas Cottage" when you could get the 1,000-piece puzzle for like $5 at Target?

I'll tell you why -- because O'Ghoul is in it, and if he lives long enough to collect his paycheck, he'll probably also collect another Oscar nomination (to make up for the one he didn't get for "High Spirits"). So good luck playing Glenn Weissler, O'Ghoul. I probably won't bother seeing the movie, so I guess I'll just see you after the post-Apocalyptic dust settles and you're coming after my human flesh.

Wie sagt man "washed up" auf deutsch?

WildHogs.jpgTim Allen posed with cardboard cut-outs of actors Ray Liotta and John Travlota in Munich on Monday at the Germany premiere of "Born to Be Wild" -- that's "Wild Hogs" here in the states. Dressed in believable biker garb, they seemed please to be promoting the homophobic, mid-life crisis flick that has grossed $135.6 million in the U.S. and already has a sequel in the works. Noticeably absent from the premiere was William H. Macy (no one cares about Martin Lawrence), who was likely on a secluded retreat with wife Felicity Huffman of "Desperate Housewives," each atoning for their recent/ongoing acting sins.

Macy's minor discretion can be overlooked, but Allen is the Beelzebub of bad cinema, pulling as many actors who used to be talented down with him as he can. Travolta was already resurrected once, so all hope for him and his dew rag is lost, and Ray Liotta should consider joining Filliam H. Muffman on their retreat.

The next picture says it all: Look at their faces at the London premiere last week. That, kids, is the look of shattered dreams.

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Wahlberg Watch 3: He's Unstoppable! Plus: Why Brits Are Better Than Us

mnightshy.jpgOur Favorite Man Ever has signed on to star in director M. Night Shyamalan's next thriller "The Happening," about a family on the run from an apocalyptic threat to humanity slated to open Friday, June 13, 2008. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Wahlberg will play Elliot Moore, the science teacher at the center of the "event," whatever it is. Shyamalan is teaming back up with producers Sam Mercer and Barry Mendel, who produced "The Sixth Sense" and "Unbreakable," and wrote the original screenplay himself. Here's hoping he doesn't cast himself in the lynch-pin role -- spilling his own secrets in an egotastical fashion -- unless of course he's one of the Four Horsemen that Wahlberg hunts, captures, swears at and then shoots. "Are you ready for Armageddon?!" "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe go f*** yourself." M. Night letting Dignam kill him is pretty much the only way he can atone for "Lady in the Water."

becomingjane_175x125.jpgIn other casting news: A cast has been set for "The Best Times of Our Lives," starring Cillian Murphy, Kiera Knightley, Matthew Rhys and ... Lindsay Lohan? Three talented British/Irish actors and ... Lindsay Lohan? According to the Reporter, "the film chronicles the relationships between Welsh poet Dylan Thomas (Rhys), his wife Caitlin (Lohan), his childhood friend Vera Phillips (Knightley) and her eventual husband William Killick (Murphy)." A trip to Wikipedia tells me Thomas was a raging alcoholic, so having Lohan be in any way involved makes sense on that front. But here's my recent beef: The British are kicking our ass in terms of acting -- just look at the Oscars and Golden Globes. So why turn to an American actress when you can find an even better British one? Why cast Anne Hathaway (pictured) as Jane Austen? Why are the three leads in "The Other Boleyn Girl" either American or Australian? I'm being a bit of a hypocrite, seeing as I loved "Bridget Jones's Diary," and maybe this isn't something worth complaining about. But Lindsay Lohan's presence in any film makes me want to avoid it.

I'm going to go back to thinking about Dignam stealing Night's horse and leading a charge against the Antichrist -- maybe Cheney will be available for that role.

Film Review: "The Lookout"

lookout2.jpg It's likely that you've seen Scott Frank's work; it's even more likely that you loved it.

What's less likely, however, is that you knew you were watching a Frank-penned movie. In the land of cinema, writers are often the unsung heroes, crafting blueprints for directors and actors but rarely receiving enough credit for the powerhouse that results.

But the writer of such critically-acclaimed films as "Dead Again," "Get Shorty," "Out of Sight" and "Minority Report" is braving the role of director for the first time with "The Lookout," a noirish thriller that centers around Chris Pratt (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), whose life as a high school all-star crumbles after a tragic accident (which takes place in the film's exquisitely shot opening sequence). Afflicted with a serious brain injury, Chris struggles to remember the sequence of daily events and how to perform simple tasks, finally taking a job as a janitor in a small-town bank nearly two hours from his home.

It's there that he's spotted by Gary Spargo (Matthew Goode), a slick con artist with a trust-me smile, who uses an angel-faced ex-stripper (Isla Fisher) to entice Chris into his band of brothers. Before long, Chris is playing lookout in a planned bank heist, enthralled by Gary's philosophy that "Whoever has the money has the power."

The film is a surprisingly effective thriller, despite its Frankensteinian nature: Try to find a heist movie it doesn't draw from (though considering Frank wrote one of the best in "Out of Sight," he's largely stealing from himself -- and Elmore Leonard.) But in many ways, Frank places less emphasis on words, and lets the film tell its story through atmosphere: Almost no levity is glimpsed after the "The Lookout's" first few minutes, the major arc of its narrative viewed through heavy blankets of snow and shadows (and the fogginess of its main character's perceptions).

Continue reading "Film Review: "The Lookout"" »

Will Ferrell + Jon Heder + Ice Skates = Love

blades.jpg So may I just say that I couldn't be more excited about this week's film releases, specifically "Blades of Glory," which stars my comedy crush Will Ferrell.

Not everyone is as excited, however -- the film isn't doing great on rottentomatoes.com (though it could be worse). Still, I'm going to declare that 60 percent of the time, Ferrell's comedic genius works every time.

The plot, according to imdb.com: "In 2002, two rival Olympic ice skaters were stripped of their gold medals and permanently banned from men's single competition. Presently, however, they've found a loophole that will allow them to qualify as a pairs team."

Why it will be awesome: Unlike "The Cutting Edge," it's supposed to be funny. Plus, Ferrell is in it. Neato, gang!

Other films opening this week:

THE LOOKOUT
Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Matthew Goode, Jeff Daniels, Isla Fisher
The story: A once promising high school athlete has his life permanently altered after a tragic accident leaves him with a brain injury. He takes a job as a janitor at a bank, where he ultimately finds himself caught up in a planned heist.
Why it's pretty good: See review.

meet.jpg
MEET THE ROBINSONS
Starring the voices of: Angela Bassett, Laurie Metcalf
The story, according to imdb.com: "Lewis is a brilliant inventor who meets mysterious stranger named Wilbur Robinson, whisking Lewis away in a time machine and together they team up to track down Bowler Hat Guy in a showdown that ends with an unexpected twist of fate."
Why it could be good: Early reviews are strong, and breakthroughs in animation should make this one for film buffs to see.

Early look at "Grindhouse"

If you want to catch some early reaction to "Grindhouse," check out my college friend Matt Dentler's blog on the event.

Dentler, the producer of the South by Southwest Film Festival, talks about the Austin Film Society's "Grindhouse" event, which took place at Austin's Paramount Theater.

Winslet, DiCaprio to reunite sans the terrifying presence of James Cameron

titanic.jpg According to Variety, "Titanic" co-stars Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio will reunite for Dreamworks' upcoming film "Revolutionary Road," directed by Winslet's hubby Sam Mendes, who also directed "American Beauty" (applaud if you loved it. Grimace if you hated it. I'll play Switzerland here.).

The movie will be based on Richard Yates' 1961 novel, which according to the mag, is "about post-war disillusionment seen through the eyes of a suburban couple raising two children in the mid-1950s who find their true desires obstructed by pressure to conform." So it's a comedy.

Since her husband is directing the movie, I'm guessing Winslet will escape the taunting piled on by Cameron, who supposedly took to calling her "Kate Weighs-a-lot." Unless, of course, he enjoys sleeping on the futon. Which maybe he does, since that 120-pound whale takes up so much of the bed. Geez.

Wahlberg Watch

WahlbergHeartSmall.jpgMore news to report in the World of Wahlberg: Darren Aronofsky, director of trippy and/or disturbing fare such as "Pi" and "Requiem for a Dream," is in final talks to helm "The Fighter," which reteams Wahlberg with his "The Departed" co-star Matt Damon.

"Based on the life of boxer "Irish" Mickey Ward (Wahlberg) and his trainer brother Dick Eklund (Damon), the story chronicles their early days on the rough streets of Lowell, Mass., through Eklund's battle with drugs and Ward's eventual world championship in London. Wahlberg and Damon both hail from Boston, and Aronofsky and Damon attended nearby Harvard University."

This news is really more about Aronofsky, whose most recent film, "The Fountain," received mixed reviews. But we're using it as an opportunity to show off our new Ode to Mark that we created in 10 seconds. It will permanently live on our About Us page as a testament of our devotion to all things Dignam.

Now that we've creeped you out, feel free to go about your day.

Release Round-Up

Here's a look at some of today's new releases:

DVDs
ChildrenMen.jpgChildren of Men
My favorite film of 2006 that was unfairly overlooked come awards season, "Men" provides a chilling dystopia set in near-future London. In a world where women are infertile and the world's youngest person has just died at age 18, what's worth living for? When a jaded former activist (Clive Owen) finds himself in charge of leading a miraculously pregnant girl to safety, we see what it really means to have hope in humanity, no matter what.

HappyFeet.jpgHappy Feet
The animated penguins sing, dance, crack jokes and preach enough environmental talking points and anti-zoo spiels to make The Goreacle proud. If you'd rather not see "An Inconvenient Truth" meets "March of the Penguins" meets "Shrek," skip this bizarre karaoke night and stick with a Pixar or Disney classic.

Happyness.jpgThe Pursuit of Happyness
I avoided this one, but sources tell me you'll bawl your eyes out. Will Smith will emotionally manipulate you as he plays the broke father out to save his son at all costs, and there's nothing you can do about it. And really, there aren't enough movies with characters whose sole goal in life -- and the ultimate way they can attain happiness -- is to achieve wealth.

Other DVD releases: "Curse of the Golden Flower," "Full House: The Complete Sixth Season" (DJ goes to the prom!), "The Shield: The Complete Fifth Season"


CDs
Kaiser.jpgKaiser Chiefs, "Yours Truly, Angry Mob"
I'm a sucker for British pop rock, as you can see by my CD selections here, and the Kaiser Chiefs have won over U.K audiences more than once with their pop hooks. Critics are calling "Mob" more mature than the band's debut, "Employment," thanks to a slightly different sound and touches of social commentary, but the gist of the band's dedication to bringing back New Wave is still there.

mika2.jpgMika, "Life in Cartoon Motion"
Falsetto-voiced, Freddie-Mercury-reincarnation Mika has already inundated MTV promos with his infectious "Love Today." Whether his electronic eccentricities will win over the U.S. carts as they did those in the U.K. doesn't matter -- "Love" and his other single, "Grace Kelly," are delightful, even if not completely original, pieces of pop.

Other CD releases: "Let it Go," Tim McGraw; "Now, Vol. 24," Various Artists; "Good Morning Revival," Good Charlotte; "Crystal Visions -- The Very Best of Stevie Nicks," Stevie Nicks

Continue reading "Release Round-Up" »

Hollywood's Lesson for the Day: "Love is Better Than Suicide"

In another sign that those who work for Hollywood studios are so far removed from reality they no longer know what "bad taste" means, After Dark Films is facing yet another PR-campaign controversy over its new film "Wristcutters: A Love Story." The film, according to The Hollywood Reporter, is set to bill itself with signs showing people killing themselves.

After Dark Films co-owner Courtney Solomon said late Friday that while the film's promotion may feature images of people jumping off a bridge, electrocuting and hanging themselves, they would be displayed as traffic-style stop or yield signs with a barring-style circle and line over the illustrations, along with hearts to reference the film's romantic story line. He said the campaign may change before its mid-July rollout because of the outcry.

Solomon intends to offer screenings or DVDs of the film to concerned organizations in the next few weeks, then discuss the campaign with them and ask for their input. "The movie takes place in purgatory, and its message is that love is better than suicide," he said, adding that the film may even help prevent suicide. "Our job is to get people into the theater in a way that's accessible to them. There are many different ways to skin a cat. God forbid someone was considering committing suicide. This film may change their opinion."

... Solomon said he'd been too busy to reply to the [suicide prevention and mental health] groups [protesting the ad campaign] because he's been reshooting and editing-in the more violent scenes to "Captivity" to make it more appealing to the audience that turned "Saw" and "Hostel" into hits.

What's "Captivity," you ask? It's the latest film in the Torture Porn genre, and its even-worse-than-making-light-of-suicide PR campaign caused a stir last week when 30 L.A.-area billboards and 1,400 New York City taxi tops promoting the film were taken down. They depicted the film's star, Elisha Cuthbert, in four stages: Abduction, Confinement, Torture and Termination. (A photo of the billboard is on the jump, and this is your warning that it's disturbing. I put it there and not here because I don't hate you. Courtney Soloman does, though. ) I was going to write about the grotesque ads last week, but my eyes started bleeding and I lost consciousness several times while attempting to logically break the situation down.

What the hell is wrong with the folks at After Dark films? What the ... I mean ... It's just ... ugh. I'm getting dizzy again, so I give up. Just know this: If you attend a film like "Captivity" or its porntastic counterparts, you're joining the long list of Hollywood's enablers. Just say no.

(Only click on the "Continue reading ..." link if you want to see the "Captivity" billboard.)

Continue reading "Hollywood's Lesson for the Day: "Love is Better Than Suicide"" »

It's over ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

MicahPHinsonWEB.JPGThe SXSW film and music festival drew to a close on Sunday, which meant one very important thing: I could finally sleep.

And sleep I did, quite comfortably I might add, for most of yesterday, and with my renewed vitality, I can finally remember exactly what occurred during the last nine days in Austin. Sorta.

Actually, let's just start with Thursday, since you already know about most of the movies I saw prior to that day (though I will be adding a list of the best films that SXSW showcased later this week).

The music festival kicked into high gear on Thursday, with many of the day parties taking center stage. In-store performances (which were free and open to the public) abounded, and some of the best took place at Waterloo Records on North Lamar. Sparklehorse played a set, as well as popular newcomer Lily Allen, whose album "Alright, Still ..." is a knockout. The English-bred songstress played a few of her own songs, as well as some covers (by fellow UK group The Kooks, as well as "Heart of Glass" by Blondie) because "most of my songs don't work well with acoustic," she said.

On Friday at Habana, John Doe (of X) and Robyn Hitchcock both played for excited audiences at the Yep Roc Records 10th anniversary party, where free barbecue was provided for attendees at the outdoor stage. Down on South Congress, music lovers trolled the many eclectic shops for in-store performances, with the Waco Brothers rocking Yard Dogs' outdoor tent, playing an hour-and-a-half-long set for those in attendance.

Of course, if you really want an insider's look at the festivities, check out Abilene Reporter-News photographer Victor Cristales' shots of some of the biggest concerts of SXSW, including Abilene's own Micah P. Hinson (pictured above), the acclaimed Alejandro Escovedo, Cold War Kids and many others.

My Feeble Attempt to Interview Paul Rudd, Ken Marino and David Wain; Or, Sarah Acts Like an Idiot Around Celebrities, Part 2

RuddWain.jpgAt SXSW last Saturday, I was able to sit down with members of "The Ten," a comedy directed by David Wain (pictured on the right with Paul Rudd, left) that opens August 3. I can't quite describe the 28-minute experience, only to say this: I lost. It wasn't a competition, or a battle -- just an interview. But I lost. Trying to cull a straight answer from some of the masterminds of "The State" and "Wet Hot American Summer" is an uphill battle not worth your time. Trust me.

I do have more pertinent information about "The Ten" and the "Diggers," written by Ken Marino (pictured on the jump) and starring him and Rudd, that I learned from panels, and I'll provide that when the films debut. For now, I can only offer up almost the entire interview for your enjoyment/bewilderment. Watch how badly I lose:

Me: How do you come up with an idea for a movie like “The Ten”?

Ken Marino: We wanted to make a movie that was funny. So we sat down …

David Wain: Some of the early ideas we had were “The Eleven,” “The Nine.” It didn’t seem quite right. We wanted something rounder. “The Twenty” seemed a little ambitious.

Marino: And I think it was you, you had taken off your shoes, you looked down, and I don’t know what you were looking at, but all of a sudden you said “The Ten.”
...
Me: So Paul, how’d you get involved with the cast members who’ve been around since “The State” and with “Stella”? How’d you get in with them to do “Wet Hot American Summer” and this?

Rudd: "Wet Hot American Summer" was the first time I’d ever worked on anything that these guys had done, although I met them before that and had become friends, not like great friends, although now after working together we’ve become good friends. A lot of the same stuff makes us laugh.

Marino: It seemed like a good match.

Me: Do you think [the style of humor in "WHAS" and "The Ten"] has a mass appeal, or do you think it reaches more of a niche audience?

Wain: I think that the work we’ve all done over the previous years seems to, at least until now, have had a ceiling of how far it goes into the mainstream, for whatever reason. But as much as it doesn’t do that, it seems to really resonate with the people who do like it. It’s gratifying, if not lucrative.

Jonathan Stern (producer of "The Ten"): I think the more people who actually get exposed to it -- the bigger an audience you’ll find. And I also feel in a way that that style of humor is creating its own audience. Five years ago when people were seeing "The State" or "Stella" or "Wet Hot" for the first time is different than five years later when now there’s a growing connection to this kind of humor.

Wain: For example, the movie “Saturday Night Fever” both reflected and chronicled the disco movement, but also largely created and popularized and promoted this movement.

Paul: So basically what we really think, what David is trying to say, is that hopefully “The Ten” will revitalize the disco movement.

Me: OK.

Wain: I’m thinking of going really deep into the “Flashdance” movement.

Marino: It’s about time. It’s about time.

Wain: It’s a movement about aesthetics …

Marino: Crotch-grabbing under the table …

Rudd: You are a maniac.

Continue reading "My Feeble Attempt to Interview Paul Rudd, Ken Marino and David Wain; Or, Sarah Acts Like an Idiot Around Celebrities, Part 2" »

Ooh, that smell ...

This week in Austin has been a homecoming of sorts for me. I spent four years in the so-called Music Capital of the World (close your ears, New York. You too, Los Angeles) as an undergrad at the University of Texas, where I struggled with the fact that I didn’t wear hipster glasses like the rest of the English majors and couldn’t really convince myself that tofu was an OK thing to eat. It was a trying time.

But by the end of my studies here, I fell in love with the city; it was like a boyfriend who was way too smart and cool and good-looking for me, but I didn’t really have the heart to question it.

Now, I see things a little differently. The beer goggles have lifted, and while I still love my metropolitan boyfriend, I realize that maybe he should shave and get a job and shower occasionally, if only to wash off the odor of pretension that constantly clings to him. It’s cool to be laid back, less cool to be in a perpetual slacker coma. Grow up, guy.

What used to seem cute about Austin is now cloying ... when did it become OK to pay so much money to look so poor? The only thing that distinguishes the festivalgoers from the panhandlers is the SXSW badge draped around their necks. The fact that this parade of hobo chicness takes place against the backdrop of high-end retail stores -- each one replacing the small, eclectic shops that once dotted downtown -- is especially disconcerting. Has Austin gone from keeping it real to keeping it real estate?

Certainly, that can be said of campus, where all of the once-enchanting stores have been chased away by the behemoth known as University Co-op. When I first arrived in the Texas capital, the Co-op faced a healthy amount of competition from Texas Textbooks, Barnes & Noble and other bookstores in and around campus. Those stores have now been replaced by the Co-op Annex, Co-op women’s store, Co-op dollar store, Co-op whatever else it can slap its name on. The flavor is gone; all that’s left is a bland aftertaste, reminiscent of tofu. Too bad.

Is this to say that I hate Austin and what it has become? Absolutely not. The city still offers a vibrant arts scene, a refuge for film and music buffs, that rivals any city in Texas and perhaps the nation. It’s still a haven for struggling artists, a mecca for up-and-coming business professionals and a melding of old and young who flock to Austin for all it has to offer, both recreationally and professionally.

But the truth is, over the years my idealism has faded, and in many ways, so has the laid-back charm of the city, which isn’t so much laid-back as dressed down. I guess it’s true that you can’t go home again. But you can go to the Co-op.

The red carpet unfurls

ReignPremiere.jpgSXSW rolled out the red carpet Wednesday night for stars Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle as they premiered their new film "Reign Over Me" to a packed house at the Paramount Theater.

The film, directed by Mike Binder, tells the story of former college roommates Charlie Fineman (Sandler) and Alan Johnson (Cheadle) who meet again by chance in Manhattan. A formerly successful dentist, Charlie retreats from his life after his family is killed in the 9/11 attacks, while Alan becomes overwhelmed with his responsibilities at home. Their rekindled friendship becomes the only thing that keeps the two men afloat.

Binder, a writer, director and actor, attended SXSW in 2001 with his feature film "The Search for John Gissing." Sandler and Cheadle participated in a Q&A after the screening (more on that later).

Preceding the "Reign" screening was "The Lather Effect," an "Anniversary Party" meets "The Big Chill" take on friends who grew up together in the decade of greed a reunite for an '80s-themed shindig. Directed by "Full Tilt Boogie" helmer Sarah Kelly and starring Connie Britton, Eric Stoltz, Tate Donovan and Ione Skye, among others, the film failed to live up to the films that inspired it, but still managed to draw its fair share of laughs from the crowd.

Another film that drew huge crowds on Wednesday was "Orphans," which took home the SXSW audience award the night before. A story of two estranged sisters who reunite at their family home for a birthday party, the film was a chilling look at the ties that bind and how those ties can often come unraveled. Director Ry Russo-Young participated in a Q&A after the screening.

But perhaps the best film of the day (at least that I saw -- I can't be everywhere, folks), was the documentary "Truth in Terms of Beauty," which chornicles the life and career of famed portrait photographer Herman Leonard. The humble Leonard tells of how each of his world-famous portraits came to be -- from stills of jazz musicians to Playboy covergirls to opium dems and third-world prostitutes, Leonard infuses his work with a reverance for all the world has to offer, and often seems just as amazed as we are that he was able to capture such incredibly candid images.

Now 84 and living in Los Angeles (after being displaced from his New Orleans home after Hurricane Katrina), Leonard continues to work. Anyone unfamiliar with his art would be wise to acquaint themselves.

And the winners are ...

There may not have been a red carpet, but the filmmakers participating in SXSW were treated like the cream of the Hollywood crop Tuesday as the fest handed its film awards at the Austin Convention Center.
The winners are:

Jury Awards:

REEL Shorts :
Special Jury Award -- Clear Cut, Simple / Director: Vineet Dewan
Winner -- Pop Foul / Director: Moon Molson

Animated Shorts :
Special Jury Award -- One Rat Short / Director: Alex Weil
Winner -- Tragic Story with a Happy Ending / Director: Regina Pessoa

Experimental Shorts :
Special Jury Award -- The Lonely Lights. The Color of Lemons. / Director:
Benjamin M. Piety
Winner -- 27,000 Days / Director : Naveen Singh

Music Videos :
Special Jury Award -- Constantines, 'Working Full-TIme' / Director: Drew
Lightfoot
Winner -- Thom Yorke, 'Harrowdown Hill' / Director: Chel White

Texas High School Competition :
Special Jury Award -- Daily Routine / Director: Adela Escobar
Winner -- Murder for 9 Points / Director: Brandon Day

Documentary Feature:
Special Jury Award -- Cat Dancers / Director: Harris Fishman
Special Jury Award -- Audience of One / Director: Michael Jacobs
Winner -- Billy the Kid / Director: Jennifer Venditti

Narrative Feature :
Special Jury Award -- Frownland / Director: Ronald Bronstein
Special Jury Award -- Orphans / Director: Ry Russo-Young
Winner -- Itty Bitty Titty Committee / Director: Jamie Babbit

Audience Awards:

Emerging Visions:
Winner -- The Price of Sugar / Director: Bill Haney

Documentary Feature:
Winner -- Run Granny Run / Director: Marlo Poras

Narrative Feature:
Winner -- Skills Like This / Director: Monty Miranda

Continue reading "And the winners are ..." »

Suffering Man's Interviews, Part 2

Boreanaz.jpgThe warm Texas air was a welcome surprise for David Boreanaz during his first trip to Austin and SXSW last weekend -- that and the energy from the city and its festival. He flew to Austin without many expectations, but said he was pleased with SXSW and felt it and the unique Austin atmosphere provided a perfect place to debut his latest film, “Suffering Man’s Charity.”

To call Austin unique is one thing, but to call “Charity” unique is an understatement in Boreanaz’s eyes.

“It’s the type of film that you really experience,” he said. “It’s like a ride.”

Even now he’s still processing the film and his experience making it. His quick 18-day shoot was interwoven into his “Bones” shooting schedule, his TV show on Fox that was just picked up for a third season. He said he was attracted to play his character, Sebastian, because of his dual nature and wicked sense of humor -- “He’s a walking contradiction.”

Sebastian is a small-time hustler posing as a writer who’s taken in by Jonathan (Alan Cumming, in his directorial debut as well), a music teacher with a fondness for taking in handsome but unemployed artists. He financially supports Sebastian -- while also admiring his good looks -- believing Sebastian’s lies about the unpublished manuscript he’s supposedly hiding. Ultimately, Jonathan discovers Sebastian’s true, womanizing nature, sets out to teach him a lesson and, in doing so, discovers the real subject of Sebastian’s book: him.

The antics only get kookier as each man tries to turn the tables against the other, and the film’s eccentricities are what had Boreanaz scratching his head so long after filming. Now he hopes audiences will be as intrigued with the subject matter as he is, and that perhaps it will gain its own cult following.

“It was definitely fun, but it was … I don’t really know what it was,” Boreanaz said about the film. “I think it was really this crazy, cool, fun project to be a part of for an intense time.”

SXSW Gets "Knocked Up"

KnockedUp2.jpgBen Stone (Seth Rogen) is a spaztastic stoner who has spent the last few years of his life creating the Web site Flesh of the Stars, which tells audiences which movies offer up nude scenes of their favorite actors (of course, it's still under construction). Allison Scott (Katherine Heigl) is an up-and-coming entertainment reporter whose greatest form of relaxation comes from drinking the occasional Corona in her favorite L.A. club.

The fact that these two ever hook up, even under the helpful hand of booze, is a miracle; even more miraculous is that they spend nearly the entire running time of Judd Apatow's hilarious "Knocked Up" trying to make their relationship work for the sake of the embryo that resulted from their accidental tryst.

But the biggest miracle? The two likable stars make it all easy to believe and incredibly easy to watch; in a film that could have easily pandered to opposites attract and expectant mother clichés, "Knocked Up" sidesteps them all.

The film screened at SXSW on Monday, selling out the Paramount Theater and filling any empty space with eruptions of laughter. The film will be released in theaters June 1.

Also starring Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd as Allison's sister and brother-in-law, "Knocked Up" follows in the steps of Apatow's previous film "40-Year-Old Virgin," which tempered its raunchy sense of humor with plenty of heart. What started out as a film about a hard-to-believe hookup becomes a narrative not only about unexpected love, but also about the difficult process of at long last growing up.

For more on "Knocked Up," see the March 22 issue of The Insider, where we'll name our picks for the best of the fest.

-- Erin Steele

I'll See You at the Grind House

Grindhouse2.jpg

Native Texan and former UT student Robert Rodriguez (“Desperado,” “Spy Kids,” “Sin City”) returned to his old stomping ground Sunday to give a SXSW audience a little lesson in Grindhouse 101 -- a look at the exploitation film genre and a sneak peek at “Planet Terror,” his portion of the double-feature “Grindhouse,” due in theaters April 6. Quentin Tarantino’s (“Pulp Fiction,” “Kill Bill”) offering is “Death Proof.”

He was joined by uber-film geek Harry Knowles of Ain’t It Cool News to discuss exploitation films -- B-level films that sensationalize sex, violence and gore that were often showed back-to-back in grind houses. (Let our good friend, Wikipedia, fill you in on the rest). Rodriguez brought along a few classic exploitation trailers, “They Call Her One Eye” and “The Green Slime,” as an example of what he and Tarantino are aiming at for “Grindhouse.” It’s not only a nod to a genre generally thought as having no artistic merit, but a chance for the two filmmakers and ardent film-lovers to use even less restraints in their work.

“Grind-house cinema to me means freedom,” Rodriguez said. On set, he said he’d purposefully not fix an error in the filming process so that “Planet Terror” will have the look and feel of an old grind-house film. Is there a production light visible in the scene? Did an actor go too over-the-top with a line? “Eh, it’s a grind-house film,” he’d say. “It’s OK.”

Continue reading "I'll See You at the Grind House" »

An Actual Conversation I Had With Alan Cumming; Or, Sarah Acts Like an Idiot Around Celebrities, Part 1

Setting: Saturday, March 10, 2007. The InterContinental Hotel, downtown, Austin, Texas. Sarah, who likes to talk in the third person, is sitting in a chair right outside of the State Boardroom, waiting to talk with David Boreanaz about his new movie, "Suffering Man's Charity", which premiered at SXSW on Friday.

Aaaaand scene:

Sarah: [Sitting in a chair, staring at a wall.]
Alan Cumming: [Pokes his head out of the State Boardroom, speaks to Sarah in his Scottish accent that is hard to understand, especially when she wasn't prepared to be talked to.] "Are you the Toronto lady?"
Sarah: "The Truntel lady?"
Alan Cumming: "Toronto."
Sarah: "Oh -- sorry. No."
Alan Cumming: [Politely half-smiles, then shuts the door.]
Sarah: [Immediately writes this interaction down in the margins of her notepad. Plans on telling everyone she knows.]

SXSW Day 3: Eagle vs. Shark vs. Austin

The rain poured down in Austin on Sunday, but the unpleasant weather couldn't dampen filmgoers' spirits as they sprinted from theater to theater to see some of the biggest films of the day.

But before they hit the theaters, they hit the panels (specifically, the "Grindhouse" panel -- more on that from Sarah), where Robert Rodriguez and Harry Knowles discussed the collaboration between Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino. Rodriguez trotted out a clip from his "Grindhouse" segment "Planet Terror" and previewed a fake trailer by director Eli Roth that will screen during the theatrical run of "Grindhouse."

In the afternoon, festival attendees braved the elements to drive to the Alamo South Lamar, where "Diggers" -- a dramedy by "The Ten's" Ken Marino, Paul Rudd and David Wain -- made its regional premiere. The film, a bittersweet look at the lives of Long Island clam diggers and their families, was capped off by a Q&A with the filmmakers.

After "Diggers," the Alamo offered up "Eagle vs. Shark," a New Zealand-made comedy that had garnered its fair share of favorable word-of-mouth. The film didn't disappoint, creating a world in parts reminiscent of "Napoleon Dynamite," "Muriel's Wedding" and "Strictly Ballroom."

But the movies that drew the biggest lines was "What Would Jesus Buy?," a documentary produced by "Super-Size Me" director Morgan Spurlock. A film that documented the holiday shopping season and the Rev. Billy and Stop Shopping Gospel Choir's attempts to stop it, the doc played to a nearly sold-out audience at the Paramount, with the Rev. Billy and his crew of singers in attendance.

But tonight boasts the most-anticipated film of the festival, "Knocked Up," director Judd Apatow's follow-up to the "40-Year-Old Virgin." Look for a review of the film tomorrow on the blog.

Suffering Man's Interviews

Alan Cumming and David Boreanaz remained in Austin on Saturday after screening their new film “Suffering Man’s Charity” at the Paramount the day before, ready and willing to discuss what first intrigued them about the film.

“It was the intensity of it,” Cumming, who directs and stars in the tale of obsession and creative coveting, said. “I was struck by how unusual it was, how unformulaic. I knew if I didn’t do it, nobody would.”

The intensity of the shoot saturated the set, they said, resulting in a “very calm and quiet environment,” according to Boreanaz.

The mood at the festival was quite different, however, as the two joked about everything from their first meeting to yoga (then again, yoga is pretty easy to make fun of. Let’s admit it). Their joviality extended into the marketing of the film, as SXSW was flooded with “Charity” stickers, each one relaying some of the movie’s more memorable quotes (which can’t be printed here. Sorry folks).

But who can blame them? After all, Cumming has high hopes for “Charity’s” future.

“I want it to be a cult classic like ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show,’” he said. “I want the audience belting out the characters’ lines.”

Sarah will have more on Boreanaz's time at the festival this weekend.

SXSW Day 2: Big Love for Bill Paxton

Paxton.jpgBill Paxton dropped by the Austin Convention Center on Saturday to take center stage at the SXSW panel “A Conversation with Bill Paxton,” which focused on his life and diverse career, hosted by Associated Press entertainment writer Christy Lemire.

The Fort Worth-born actor, currently most notable for his work on HBO’s polygamy powerhouse “Big Love,” was inducted into the Texas Hall of Fame on Friday, where his impressive body of work was celebrated by industry insiders and film fans. Though he’s directed such critically-acclaimed fare as “Frailty” and starred in everything from “Apollo 13” to “Titanic,” the role that received the most cheers went to his over-the-top performance as big brother Chet in the John Hughes comedy “Weird Science.”

“If I do a thousand movies, it’s going to be the first one in my obit, let’s face it,” the actor laughed, before divulging details of how he came to embody the buzz-cutted character (don’t ask).

But mostly, Paxton was there to promote his love of all things Texas, relaying anecdotes of his childhood in Fort Worth, where his father (who attended the panel) would take him to see productions at the TCU playhouse and to see films at the majestic downtown movie palaces.

“It was personal to come back here,” Paxton said, “I was really thinking, ‘How did I get here?’ And part of it was growing up in Texas. There’s something about the spirit of the people down here. You can dream big.”

His career eventually took him far away from the Lone Star State -- and grounded his dreams in reality.

“I remember sitting next to a transvestite on a bus, going down Hollywood Boulevard, and I thought, ‘Is this Hollywood?’” said Paxton, who had dreamed of olive and orange trees lining beautifully landscaped streets. “I realized, God, I missed this by 50 years.”

Though the now-famous actor began his career in set design, playing set dresser to such directors as Roger Corman, he eventually transitioned into acting. His first role, he said, was in “Six o’ Clock Follies,” a “M*A*S*H*” for the Vietnam-era that lasted only one episode.

“I thought, ‘I got one day’s work this year ... next year, I’ll get two days work,” he said.

He received much more than just a couple days work after the almost cultish popularity of his “Fishhead” video that played on SNL in the early ‘80s. Soon after, he began to work steadily in the film industry, before landing his breakout role in “Science.” Since then, he’s starred in everything from huge action films such as “Twister” and “True Lies” to smaller, more homegrown films.

But despite his growing resume and recent Hall of Fame induction, Paxton still finds himself humbled now and then.

“You know, my dad is about to appear in ‘Spider-Man 3,’ and I’m on a TV show,” he laughed. “That kind of puts it all in perspective.”

Continue reading "SXSW Day 2: Big Love for Bill Paxton" »

SXSW: Day 1

For now, the streets of Austin officially belong to film fans and computer geeks as more than 10,000 entertainment buffs rolled into Austin yesterday to take part in the film and interactive portions of South by Southwest (Translation: The city feels pretty much the same as always).

Though the traffic was unsurprisingly awful, everything else in the heart o’ Texas was at its energetic, ego-saturated, always entertaining best. Attendees were abuzz about the festival fare, with the night’s biggest screening -- the unexpectedly effective suspense flick “The Lookout” -- opening to a packed house at the Paramount.

In attendance were the film’s writer/director Scott Frank, as well as stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Isla Fisher and Matthew Goode. The cast and crew are scheduled to have a press conference regarding the film at noon today.

Other notable screenings included the documentary “Running With Arnold,” a clunky, though sometimes sly, film that takes more than its fair share of potshots at the Terminator-turned-governor; and “Suffering Man’s Charity,” an awkwardly-titled narrative that revolves around reading, writing and revenge, starring Alan Cumming and David Boreanaz (more about those two tomorrow.)

Speaking of tomorrow, the fest is expected to gain steam as even more spotlight premieres are set take place, including “The Ten,” “Elvis and Annabelle,” “Manufacturing Dissent” and “Everything’s Gone Green.”

Of course, the attendance for the events may depend on how many people can drag themselves out of bed after the opening night parties (one was a “Disturbia” happy hour at Light Bar, where the cast and crew mingled with Austinites and out-of-towners who were ready to take a load off.) The other was the film’s traditional opening night party, which took place from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. at 401 Guadalupe (Don’t worry, online party crashers -- I’ll have more from the fest’s celebratory frontline on Sunday, as the party scene really kicks into high gear).

Girl Crush Alert: Here's Another Reason to See "The Dark Knight"

Erin is on her way to Austin to the South by Southwest film and music festivals, so in her absence, I'll pass on the news about her favorite girl crush: MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL!! (Our love for her must be yelled.) Gyllenhaal is in final negotiations to star in "The Dark Knight," the sequel to Christopher Nolan's excellent "Batman Begins," replacing Katie Holmes as D.A. Rachel Dawes. Holmes apparently had scheduling conflicts/Tom wouldn't let her out of her cage.

Other new additions to the cast are Heath Ledger as The Joker and Aaron Eckhart as D.A. Harvey Dent/Two Face. This brings me great joy. "Batman Begins" ranks as one of my favorite superhero films, up there with the "Spider-Man" series, and it took years for me to purge the unholy experience that was "Batman and Robin" from my mind. Great cast, great direction, great vision, great new take on a once-thought-dead series. I can't wait.

SXSW: Let's Get This Party Started

Oh, there are so many movies and musicians slated for the South by Southwest film and music festival (or as I prefer to call it, Destination Spring Break), which kicks off in Austin on Friday.

But we have a short attention span and decided to give you a list of the highlights. Of course, we didn't want to do all the work. Oh, no, faithful readers, we want you to tell us which movies and bands you most want us to cover.

If there's something you're hankering to hear about that isn't on the list below, go to the SXSW Web site to view the full film and music lineups and tell us what you're excited about.

THE FILMS


0308knockedup.jpg

KNOCKED UP

Directed by: Judd Apatow
Starring: Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl
The story: From the writer/director of
“The 40-Year-Old Virigin,” “Knocked Up” tells the story of Allison Scott (Heigl), an E! reporter whose one-night stand with Ben (Rogen) leaves her, well, knocked up. Despite their differences, the two try to make it work for their baby’s sake.
Playing: 6:45 p.m. March 12 at the Paramount in Austin
Release date: June 1

0308disturbia.jpg

DISTURBIA

DIRECTED BY: D.J. Caruso
STARRING: Shia LaBeouf, David Morse
THE STORY: Kale (LeBeouf) finds himself placed under house arrest after a run-in with the law. He begins to spy on his neighbors from his home, one of which (Morse) Kale begins to suspect is a serial killer. But is it all just in his imagination?
PLAYING: 7 p.m. March 9, Alamo Downtown
RELEASE DATE: April 13

0308lookout.jpg

THE LOOKOUT

DIRECTED BY: Scott Frank
STARRING: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Isla Fisher
THE STORY: Chris (Gordon-Levitt), once a promising athlete, finds his life turned upside down after a tragic accident. He takes a job as a bank janitor only to find himself caught up in a planned heist.
PLAYING: 9 p.m. March 9, Paramount in Austin
RELEASE DATE: March 30

Continue reading "SXSW: Let's Get This Party Started" »

Spidey Love

Spider-Man fans: You'd better hurry and watch the exclusive "Spider-Man 3" trailer on NBC's Web site -- it'll only be up until 11 p.m. today. If you're anything like Erin, who freaks out at the mere mention of the web-slinger, you'll want to watch this. Days until the film's premiere: 59. But it's not like we're counting or anything ...

Oscar Fashion: Chic vs. Sick

Which of these stars looked the best on Oscar night?

PollPub.com VoteWho was the best dressed at the Oscars?
Jessica Biel

Cate Blanchett

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Kate Winslet




View Results

Poll powered by PollPub.com Free Polls

Vote for the worst dressed on the jump ...

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March Madness: The Biggest Movies of the Month

namesake.jpg

Opens: March 9

Starring: Kal Penn

Directed by: Mira Nair

The story: American-born Gogol (Penn), the son of Indian immigrants, wants to fit in among his fellow New Yorkers, despite his family's unwillingness to let go of their traditional ways.

Critical mass: "Though the condensing of Lahiri's episodic, decades-spanning narrative into two compact hours of screen-time makes for a pic occasionally overstuffed with incident, 'The Namesake' remains a richly compelling story of family and self-discovery." -Variety.com

View the trailer


300.jpg

Opens: March 9

Starring: Gerard Butler (formerly known as The Phantom of the Opera) and Lena Headey

Directed by: Zack Snyder

The story: "300" is based on Frank Miller's graphic novel and concerns the 480 B.C. Battle of Thermopylae, where the King of Sparta (Butler) led his army against the advancing Persians.

Critical mass: "Zack Snyder's decadent, hyper-violent and -stylized take on Frank Miller's graphic novel is shaping up to be some sort of new Fanboy Masterpiece, as the man who dared to update "Dawn of the Dead" is turning the battle of Thermopylae into one of the most anticipated movies of the year." -imdb.com

View the trailer

premonition.jpg

Opens: March 16

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Julian McMahon

Directed by: Mennan Yapo

The story: A housewife (Bullock) is shocked after her husband (McMahon) dies in a car crash -- and then reappears the next day, alive and well. Realizing it was a premonition, she looks for ways to avoid the tragedy.

The buzz: Not good. "Sandra Bullock either has absolutely no idea how to pick movies, or she simply doesn’t care about how she earns her paycheck," says cinemablend.com.

View the trailer

Continue reading "March Madness: The Biggest Movies of the Month" »

Oscar: The Best and Worst of the Night

It was mostly boring and very, very long, but the ceremony still boasted some memorable moments (in a good way). Here are our picks for the top five moments at this year's Oscars.

Scorsese2.jpg1. Martin Scorsese FINALLY wins.
No longer the Susan Lucci of the Academy Awards, Marty took home the top prize after years of losing to faux directors like Kevin Costner and Robert Redford. Greeted by a standing ovation, a humble Scorsese shrugged off the applause (but wasn't so dismissive of the little gold statue).

2. Alan Arkin wins best supporting actor.
Though we were pulling for Mark Wahlberg (though you already know that ... WE LOVE YOU, DIGNAM), it was a pleasant surprise to see the Academy award Arkin's hilarious turn as a heroin-addicted grandfather over Eddie Murphy's slight soul singer caricature in "Dreamgirls."

3. Al Gore DOESN'T announce his bid for the presidency.
There will always be a very fine line between entertainment and politics, but we like our awards shows election-free. Thank goodness Gore accepted his award for "An Inconvenient Truth" without using the Oscar stage as a platform for anything other than global warming.

4. We are the World
The Oscars were indeed an international affair this year, as filmmakers from Mexico, France, Germany, England and China all took home awards. It just goes to show film really is the universal language.

5. Shorter speeches
In order to make the ceremony shorter this year (which tragically failed), speeches were required to fall within a briefer time limit. This abbreviated time share meant no blubbering stars or overblown political statements, which -- though entertaining -- are almost always excruciating to sit through.

Continue reading "Oscar: The Best and Worst of the Night" »

The Main Event

Departed.jpg11:20: SC: Thanks for reading, Insiders. Mom: You let me down by not commenting. Special shout-out to Arthur for posting a comment -- the only person who posted a comment that we don't know. I am now kicking Erin out of my apartment, rejoicing in "The Departed" winning, crying over JHud winning, and looking forward to sleep. We'll be back tomorrow.

11:15: ES: Thanks to everyone who read along. I'm kind of sad my mom didn't post anything, but, hey, that's the way it goes. Check out our picks for the best and worst Oscar moments tomorrow.

11:15: International Tally: East Texas (who knew?): 1. England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 7.

11:14: ES: Awesome. We got it right! Sarah's doing a celebratory dance and randomly yelling "Dignam!"

11:14: "The Departed."

11: 13: Best picture goes to ...

11:13: ES: Jack Nicholson looks like Lex Luthor tonight. And Diane Keaton looks scary. Meaning she looks like Diane Keaton.

11:10: International Tally: East Texas (who knew?): 1. England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 6.

Marty.jpg11:08: ES: And he does. It's about time. The standing ovation was well-deserved.

11:07: ES: Best director ... better go to Scorsese.

11:05: International Tally: East Texas (who knew?): 1. England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 5.

11:04: ES: Forest Whitaker wins! Although I always find it sad when an actor has to read from note cards. Oh well.

11:02: ES: If O'Ghoul wins, I will never stop laughing.

Mirren.jpg10:57: SC: Mirren's "Ladies and gentlemen, the queen!" comment sounded a little too similar to James Cameron's "I'm the king of the world!" comment.

10:57: SC: Foreign man I'm in love with alert: Clive Owen (sitting next to Mirren's happy husband, oh he of the "purely physical" comment).

10:55: International Tally: England: 1. Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 5.

10:52: ES: The arrival of Philip Seymour Hoffman means time for the best actress Oscar. As if everyone doesn't know who will win. They should change the Oscars to the Mirrens. Even Hoffman sounded more bored than usual when he announced it.

10:47: Inappropriate things Erin has said: "Look at the In Memorium reel, O'Toole; this will be your spot in the ceremony next year."

10:46: SC: You'd think they would cut the montages and memorials when the show runs this long. I mean, I guess I'm sad these people died and all, but ...

10:43: ES: Apparently Scorsese cares who wins for best editing since he's crying. Either that, or he did as badly on his predictions as Sarah and I have.

10:42: International Tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 5.

10:41: ES: Best film editing goes to .... does anyone even care?

10:39: ES: My love for the montage has offically ended. Thanks!

10:36: ES: This is the longest ceremony EVER. It's almost as long as this date I went on a couple years ago with a male nurse who spent the whole day pitching his idea for a screenplay called "Murses." For real. It's not as entertaining as it sounds.

10:30: International Tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 4.

10:29: ES: And the Oscar for best song goes to ... Melissa Etheridge. Wow. And she just thanked Al Gore. He's gotten more shout-outs tonight than God. Impressive.

10:28: ES: Oh, John Travolta. Remember when you attended the Oscars as a nominee instead of Queen Latifah's arm candy? Maybe you should renounce films like "Wild Hogs." Tarantino won't resurrect you twice.

BeyonceHudson.jpg10:22: SC: I'm on my third coke and am in a sort of pizza coma. JHud and Beyonce are fighting it out Diva-style, seeing who can outsing the other with the most overly dramatic hand motions. Is that Jamie Foxx in between them? Who is the man "in the shadows"? These songs suck ...

10:16: ES: Satan decides to do an interpretive dance. You know, just to liven things up.

10:15: International tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 3.

10:14: "Little Miss Sunshine" wins for best original screenplay.

10:09: International tally: Argentina: 1. Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.

10:08: "Babel" wins for best score.

10:07: SC: Hugh Jackman should sing. And take off his shirt.

10:06: International tally: Italy: 1. Earth: 1. Asia: 1. Germany: 1. France: 1. Antarctica: 1. O’Toole land: 1. Iwo Jima: 1. West Bank: 1. Danish Poet: 1. Mexico: 3. U.S.: 2.

10:03: ES: The bad news: I will be nearly as old as Eastwood by the time this ceremony is finished. We still have six major categories to go.

10:00: ES: I know Clint Eastwood starred in spaghetti westerns, but I didn't know he could speak Italian. If movies can be subtitled, why can't this guy be? P.S. He's like the Italian Peter O'Ghoul. Still, a hearty congratulations. You're much, much more deserving than Jennifer Hudson.

Continue reading "The Main Event" »

The Red Carpet : The Bold, The Old, The Beauties and the Beasts (We're looking at those gold bicep warmers, Jennifer Hudson)

JHud.jpg

7:21: SC: Girl crush alert: Sarah loves Kate Winslet (no phone call necessary).

7:20: ES: MARK WAHLBERG!!! If you're reading this blog, marry me. Actually, I don't need a commitment. Just call.

7:16: ES and SC: Eddie Murphy's girlfriend's dress has a mirror embroidered in it. Is this so Eddie can look at himself at all times?

7:12: SC: What is this trivia scroll appearing on the screen? Why did it leave out 'Spanish' as one of the languages Penelope Cruz is fluent in, considering she's nominated for her role in a Spanish-language movie? Why were the Smiths (Will and Jada) called the First Family of Hollywood? Why is Cameron Diaz here?

7:05: SC: Our pizza just arrived, so we're preoccupied.

And, so far our vote for the biggest fashion fiasco goes to JHud, who looks like she thought the Oscars were going to be held in space.

Live-blogging Bawa Wawa

6:52: ES: Only when he's wearing a red or purple pleather jumpsuit.

6:51: SC: Is he really a comedian?

6:50: ES: See -- he is making voices. Just not funny ones.

6:48: ES: Look -- Barbara can barely laugh because of her Botox. Ouch.

6:47: ES: I have the sudden urge to watch a Charlie Murphy True Hollywood Story right now.

6:38: SC: Switching over to the E! red carpet horror, we learn that Ryan Seacrest hasn't even seen most of the films nominated for Best Picture. Case and point: Earlier, he asked Gael Garcia Bernal if he enjoyed working with Brad Pitt in "Babel." "Wait -- you weren't in any scenes with him? Well, what did you think of him anyways?" That's cool you were in a movie with one of America's biggest stars ..." I hate him.

6:32: ES: Eddie Murphy's up next. Let's see how many funny voices Barbara can convince him to do. Tears and funny voices -- they're like currency to Barbara. It's how she pays for the foamy glow that covers her cameras.

6:30: ES: When did Helen Mirren become Traci Lords? Could Barbara use the word “sexual” more often? The special has taken a turn from depressing to creepy. It’s starting to feel more like a first date than an Oscar interview.

6:30: SC: "Our relationship in the beginning was physical." -- Taylor Hackford, Helen Mirren's husband. To the point.

6:29: ES: Note to self: According to Barbara, nudity puts actresses on the map. I guess "map" means "Internet."

6:24: ES: So far, we’ve learned about Ellen’s sexual abuse and unemployment troubles. How neither American Idol nor Jennifer Hudson's boyfriend wanted to commit to her. Why are these things always so depressing? I’d rather be watching "Schindler’s List."

6:19 p.m.: ES: Sorry -- technical difficulties. Mostly due to the fact that my eyes were bleeding from the sight of Barbara’s dress. But we’re back.

All right, Insiders -- it's time to blog Barbara Walter's Oscar Special.


Too many questions. Too many questions.

In honor of Jim Carrey's latest, "The Number 23," opening today, here's a Tremendosaur spoof on the film's trailer, called "The Number 24." Considering the film is at an 8% approval rating on rottentomatoes.com, skip the actual conspiracy flick and enjoy this:

If We Picked the Winners 2007

They turned in some of the year's very best performances, but received none of the glory of the Oscar front runners. Hey Academy, here's our vote for ... Who should have made the Oscar spotlight.

ChildrenMen.jpgCHILDREN OF MEN
The most haunting and memorable film of 2006 was also the most glaring omission from the academy's Best Picture scorecard: Alfonso Cauron's ''Children of Men.''

In ''Men,'' women are infertile, humans have lost hope and most have given up, succumbing to the chaos around them. But a former activist (Clive Owen, right) has a change of heart when he's entrusted to lead a miraculously pregnant girl to safety. Despite critical praise, a late release date kept it off the academy's radar.

That's a shame, because through ''Children'' we're reminded that it's the knowledge that there is a tomorrow -- even if we won't be there to see it -- that gives us a reason to keep going. The political thriller kept me on the edge of my seat, and 47 days after seeing ''Men,'' I still can't get it out of my head. -- Sarah Carlson

AKEELAH AND THE BEE
Very few films celebrate the importance of intelligence. Even fewer celebrate the power of words. ''Akeelah and the Bee'' -- released in April of last year -- celebrated both, creating a powerful story of determination and intellectual exploration as experienced by an 11-year-old spelling bee contender.

Starring Keke Palmer as the titular champion and Laurence Fishburne as her mentor, ''Akeelah'' was critically acclaimed, but inexplicably overlooked. It may not have been ''Little Miss Sunshine,'' but ''Akeelah'' shined brighter than almost any film last year. -- Erin Steele

Continue reading "If We Picked the Winners 2007" »