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I'm going to paraphrase a speech the fantastic Wanda Sykes gives in the comedy "Monster-in-Law," which I saw in a sneak preview last night:
I'm sick. I'm sick, sick, sick. And when I'm not sick, I'm tired. I'm sick and tired.
Of what you ask? Of this long-distance relationship. Sometimes it makes me so ill and so worn out -- literally -- that I wonder if I can see it through to its end - the day when Geoff and I live together in the same city. When that is, I can't tell you.
Of course, I really want to see it to its end, but when I have phone conversations with Geoff that start out happy and cheerful but end with me more depressed, I wonder if there's energy left on both sides.
Last night Geoff had a little incident with his mail. I call it little; Geoff calls it a catastrophe. I tried -- as I always do -- to make him see that it's no big deal. He DID get the mail, after all. But for some reason he progressively withdrew more and more, to the point where I had no choice but to end the conversation and went to bed angry at him.
It's stress, I know, but I don't know how much longer I can stand the brunt of it. I can take stress and wash it away fairly easily. Geoff needs a day or two, or a conversation with me, since I'm the only one who he tells this stuff to.
Can I make it through the remaining months -- or will it be years? -- of the long-distance chapter of the relationship. I want to, and so I will. But I hate going to bed angry. I hate waking up in the morning not wanting to talk to Geoff for the whole day.
But the bottom line is I still love him. I guess that's the only line.
Posted by jcommings at May 4, 2005 12:41 PMEven face to face relationships have those nights and days Jeff. I came to work the other day having left our usually pleasant breakfast in such a bad mood--so angry I could hardly concentrate. People have different ways of arguing, different ways of dealing with things, and sometimes communication just breaks down.
Sometimes a little time away from each other can actually help you sort things out before you go off saying things you wish you hadn't in the heat of the moment. Actually it was probably good that y ou ended the conversation then. Before I came home that day we both had cooled off, and both had remembered that our bottom line is that we love each other too. We were able to finish our interrupted conversation rationally and constructively.
It happens in all situations. Just keep remembering the bottom line, and remember we all interperret things in different ways according to our vastly different life experiences.
I know exactly what you mean, I get sick and tired too. I think that the only way to deal with it is by thinking its on a personal hit at you - they have had a bad a day and are frustrated at what has happened to them. Your there, if only by phone and so they take it out on you. They start thinking your not there or they can't be there with you, but then that's another issue...didn't someone say that you hurt the ones you love? or something like that. It's true though, your there because at the end of the day you want to be with them, even when they are throwing their toys out of the cot. Your there because you love them and they love you. And thats why I'm putting up with the distance issue.
Posted by: Petra at May 4, 2005 03:07 PM
Jeff Commings: Love Across the Miles