Dear Mr. Kobayashi,

Can I call you Takeru, Yashi, or even Koba-yoshi (c'mon, you have to admit the eating similiarities with that one)? I just finished listening to your exclusive interview with the Chattanooga Times Free Press. Any reason for choosing them over us? Do you have family there? If so, maybe you can put in a word with the Milwaukee Bucks and get them to trade Yi to Memphis. Just a thought, but anyway.

I wanted to tell you in advance how much I appreciate you saving my Fourth of July. As I've grown up I've transitioned through the "oooo, fireworks," and the "let's set some off in the parking lot," phases of holiday entertainment. I'm bored now. My Fourth of July's from ages 14 to 20 were dull and uneventful - just full of patriotic colored Jell-O, cocktail weenies and bad "So Nate, no girlfriend again this year?" jokes. Honestly, who wants that?

That all changed when ESPN started televising the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. I caught my first one two years ago. It had everything I could ask for. There were people in masks, overweight ex-NFL players and even elderly couples competing. None of them had even a remote chance at winning however. They had to deal with the beast who could be competitive eating against a bear (that's you if you didn't remember). I immediately became a fan and even watched the "MTV True Life: I'm a competitive eater" at least three times.

That said Yashi, you could understand why I was worried a bit this year. Reports have been surfacing for a month about your injuries and potential decision to miss this year's contest. There were AP stories as late as last Thursday even. A bum jaw and an indecisive wisdom tooth wasn't going to force you to gift-wrap the contest for some guy who eats 8.6 pounds of fried asparagus in 10 minutes, right? This Chestnut character took your hot dog record. Certainly you were going to go to Coney Island, defend your title again and reset the world record.

That's why I was so relieved when I had my daily browsing session of the Chattanooga paper and saw your interview. I knew all along you'd be back but sometimes you just want a little reassurance, you know? I'm not sure how many people read this Chattanooga paper, but it'll still probably be a shocker when you come back and compete this Wednesday. Kind of like MJ back in '97. If you're looking for suggestions on how to make it as dramatic as possible, I do happen to have one. Don't show up on time but make sure you're registered. The announcers can start going into a mini-hysteria about "Where's Kobayashi," just as some mysterious wind instrument piece comes over the PA system. Next a small man in a suit and bowl hat should start walking through the crowd waving a Japanese flag. The audience should part, you should approach the stage and remove your pre-contest garb (you don't need to go all out with a kimono, an Adidas track suit will be fine) as the announcers marvel at you. Yes, this is how Yokuzuna used to enter the ring in the early '90s WWF. It got me excited when I was 8-years-old. It could certainly translate well to ESPN's coverage.

I suppose you're probably training or taking pain-killers for your jaw as we speak, so I won't take up any more of your time. I hope you get this letter. Even if you don't take my advice, you can let me know you received it by just simply thanking Nathan('s) after you win again. Smile or wink at the camera too, I'll be sure to let my relatives back in Pennsylvania know to look for it.

Good luck this week! If you want any Pepto-Bismol afterwards I can see if my Aunt Kathie has any. I'll send it express.
-Your biggest fan,
Nate, The Albuquerque Tribune Sports Intern

Posted by Intern at 10:55 AM | Permalink