Where's Lance when you need 'em?
June 30, 2006The Tour de France starts Saturday and Lance declined to defend his titles. (Too bad that whole marriage with Sheryl Crow didn't work, by the way)
The 2007 Tour was supposed to give everyone else a chance, but just forget that. Early Friday three of last year's top Tour riders were kicked to the curb for "doping."
And were talking top names here. Ullrich, Mancebo and Basso are as well known in cycling circles as Manning, Woods and Wade.
But in cycling, what's new?
Every year, whether it be the warm ups to the Tour De France like the Giro d'Italia, or Olympic events, a cyclist usually gets caught cheating.
And these guys get busted for everything. Don't dare get a cold during a professional cycling event.
Let's see.....take antihistamines, or fall off the Alps? I'll take my chances with the Alps.
As the top competition in the world for professional cycling, the Tour De France has been so doped up itself, its going to make sure nothing happens.
I remember when Marco Pantani, "the Pirate," won the Tour and was found dead a couple of years later from a cocaine overdose. His name was clouded in controversy, but he found a way to win.
Much like baseball nowadays, cyclists try to beat the system. Not with growth hormones(steroids are a no-no now) but with drugs that increase the count of red blood cells.
They want as much oxygen as possible in their blood stream for improved stamina.
Why cheat? Other options do exist.
According to a theory I overheard, Lance won as a result of the effects of his testicular cancer. Because of the undeniable change, his body was able to redirect the blood flow/testosterone to more needed areas - legs and lungs.
So for cyclist's sake.
Take the next step and be like Lance. Visit the castration doctor and you too can win, at least one Tour.
Posted by Clayton Hein at 05:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Congratulations to Me!
June 29, 2006I found out recently that I contracted the worst sexually transmitted disease known to mankind - KIDS.
For now it's only one, but I heard after the first, it gets harder to stop. Kids show up in the family like a VW full of clowns.(without the big shoes of course)
My friends tell me they have a "surgery" for that, but no way Jose. I've been married for a little more than 2 years. I mean, what do I actually know?
Burping, changing, feeding and crying are four terms I haven't been related to for almost 24 years.
The doctor visits, the sleepless nights are shortly on the horizon, but my wife and myself made the decision as the family. Heck, I've never even held a kid, and now I have to worry about my own.
Now I guess it's time to be the man I was raised to be.
Kids aren't that bad. (so I hear) Besides being the life changing and altering experience, how could you not enjoy a little you running around, bare-bottomed getting into everything.
I'm nervous and stressed, but I know everything is going to be OK. For some reason or another it always works out in the end.
Seven more months and I'm going to have a crash course on diaper changing.
I've bought a few things - a UT baby outfit, it's first bottle and it's first "toy," as my wife likes to refer to "it" like we are about to give the "toy" to the dog.
I'm close to ripping my hair out. I have looked at so many baby names in the past few weeks I'm starting to create names from house-hold products.
Pinesol + Gerber's = Gersol (An ancient Japanese warrior term)
Kraft + Dove = Krove (the Sesame Street character banned for eating out of Oscar the Grouch's trashcan)
I know everyone says they want a healthy child. And everyday I throw a prayer to the big man upstairs asking for one, but what guy doesn't want a boy.
I would get to teach him how to throw a spiral, a curve, how to fish and most importantly how to gross out girls.
I don't know what to expect, but I'm as ready as I'm going to be.
Posted by Clayton Hein at 03:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
