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Goodbye, but not good riddance, to the Dallas Morning News
January 31, 2007A recent “letters to the editor� writer complained that there’s not enough News in the Times Record News.
In his opinion, we should be called the Wichita Falls Times Record.
In some ways I agree.
(See any Sunday paper for a good example).
But this guy thinks we should be the Dallas Morning News.
And that is just ridiculous.
Comparing the WF Times Record (News?) to the Dallas Morning News is just dumb.
For one thing, we here at the WFTR (N?) do not lie about our circulation numbers and cheat our advertisers out of lots of money.
OK, I got that jab in.
Now, let’s get serious.
To compare the WF Times Record (News?) to the Dallas Morning News is like comparing the MSU football team to the Dallas Cowboys.
We just play in different leagues.
When Hurricane Katrina hit, the Dallas paper sent several writers and photographers to New Orleans and they stayed a long time covering this story. They rented helicopters. They did one hell of a job.
Back here in Wichita Falls, we ran wire stories and photos.
We just don’t have the financial or personnel resources to cover big events like they do.
That in itself doesn’t make us an inferior product.
It just makes us what in this business is called a mid-sized daily paper.
At the same time, we are not the Bowie News.
And that is not a knock on that little paper.
It’s just that the Bowie News doesn’t have the resources to cover what we can cover.
We can’t cover the big story like the Dallas Morning News.
And they can’t cover Wichita Falls like we do.
After today, the Dallas Morning News will cease to exist here in Wichita Falls.
I know that’s good news to my bosses, but to me, it’s a sad day for journalism.
The Morning News is a great newspaper and one that you used to be able to buy in just about any town in Texas -- from Borger to Brownsville.
And now it’s not even coming 125 miles or so up the road to us?
There is a rumor that the Fort Worth Star-Telegram is returning to our town.
That paper skedaddled away not long after I went to work here at the WFTR (N?), although I doubt my hiring here had anything to do with its adios.
If the Star-Telegram brings as good a product to Wichita Falls as the Morning News has the last few months, then we are really going to have some top flight competition.
Nothing wrong with that.
Randy Galloway isn’t going to be covering the Rider-Coyotes game.
Still, I was offended that the “letter to the editor� challenge.
In his letter, the guy wrote:
“TRN, you would do the community well if you would step up to the plate and print a newspaper that looks like it came from a major metropolitan area, i.e., timely news and more than six pages. What say you TRN? Are you up to the challenge?
My answer comes straight from the typewriter of the late, great Lewis Grizzard.
Every day, we give you news, sports, comics, crossword puzzles, a TV guide. We inform you and entertain you. We give you advice. We tell you where you can buy a car, a house and a pair of shoes. Sometimes we give you coupons.
And we deliver it to you every day.
SO TELL ME PAL -- WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FOR 50 CENTS?
Posted by at 8:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
There she is, Miss America. There she is, your ideal.
January 30, 2007They crowned a new Miss America last night.
A girl from Lawton won it.
But nobody knows about it, and nobody really cares.
How serious can you get about something that is on Channel 52?
That’s a step above the NHL All-Star Game on Channel 167.
If you’re like me and didn’t know and don’t really care, Channel 52 is something called CMT.
Country Music Television.
Why is the Miss America Pageant on Country Music Television?
The winner sang a Phil Collins song -- “You’ll be in my heart.�
And it started at 10 p.m. our time -- 11 p.m. out east.
Most of the country slept right through it.
I remember when the Miss America Pageant was a big deal.
When it first came on TV back in 1954, it got 39 percent of the viewing audience tuned in.
Of course, we didn’t have 52 channels in 1954.
I think we had two -- which could mean that while 39 percent of viewers were watching Miss America, the other 61 percent were watching a test pattern.
Miss America even survived the anger of bra-burning feminists who crowned a live sheep on the Atlantic City boardwalk in a 1968 protest.
But we protested everything in 1968, didn’t we?
Miss America is supposed to be in Atlantic City right after Labor Day.
The winner can sing, believes in promoting “world peace� and looks hot in a bathing suit.
When she wins, Bert Parks serenades her with
“There she is…….Miss America.
There she is , you ideal.�
Guess who was the host last night?
Mario Lopez.
Who is Mario Lopez.
Ain’t got a clue.
But whoever he is, he ain’t Bert Parks.
And Las Vegas ain’t Atlantic City.
And 10 p.m. ain’t prime time.
And CMT ain’t CBS.
But a girl from Lawton won it.
And that’s pretty cool.
Posted by at 8:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Paul Newman is 82 and I feel old
January 26, 2007Happy birthday, Fast Eddie Felson.
And Hud.
And Harper.
And Cool Hand Luke Jackson.
And Butch Cassidy.
Happy birthday to Billy the Kid
And Rocky Graziano
And Judge Roy Bean
And Buffalo Bill.
And Louisiana Governor Earl Long.
Blow out those candles -- all 82 of them.
Paul Newman -- the greatest actors of all time who played all of the above characters and a whole lot more -- is beginning his third year as an octogenarian.
At 82, he is 12 years older than old Jack Nicholson.
Damn, that makes me feel old.
Paul Newman was cool.
The girls wanted him and the guys wanted to be like him.
Some of the coolest lines in movie history belong to him.
Hud: “My mama loved me but she died.�
Cool Hand Luke: “Just calling it your job don’t make it right, boss.�
Hombre: “How you gonna get back down that hill?�
And now he’s like a great grandpa.
Been very un-Hollywood-like married to the same woman for 49 years.
But he’s still cool.
Paul Newman is not just the greatest actor of all time -- he has to be one of greatest human beings of all time.
He started his own line of salad dressing 25 years ago and has donated all of the proceeds from “Newman’s Own� to charities. That gift is now in excess of $200 million.
He co-founded the Hole in the Wall Gang, a summer camp for seriously ill children, and funds it through that business. Now some 13,000 kids a year go to the camp completely free of charge.
He was also a race car driver, who at age 70, became the oldest driver to be a part of any team in a major sanctioned race -- the 24 Hours of Daytona in 1995.
Here are a few other interesting things about Paul Newman.
His first movie was “The Silver Chalice� in 1954. He called it “the worst movie of the entire 1950’s decade.� (That included “The Blob�
He lost a screen test to James Dean for the lead role in “East of Eden.�
Before Joanne Woodard, he was married nine years to first wife Jackie Witte.
He had three children by each wife. Only one, the first, was a boy. His son, Scott, died of a drug overdose in 1978.
He has been nominated nine times for an Academy Award as an actor and won once for “The Color of Money.�
He supported anti-war candidate Eugene McCarthy for president in 1968 and became 19th on Richard Nixon’s enemy list. He calls that one of his proudest achievements.
Posted by at 8:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Without sugarmama, he's just Kevin Feder-who?
January 25, 2007Since I am not an avid reader of the National Enquirer and start puking every time I hear Mary Hart on Entertainment Tonight, I had no idea who Kevin Federline was.
So when I a read a story that there was a controversy over him in an upcoming Super Bowl commercial, my first reaction was:
“Why in the hell would some insurance company pay millions of dollars to do a commercial with this Kevin Feder-Who?
I know who Kevin Costner is.
I know who Kevin Spacey.
I know who Kevin Garnett is.
I even know Kevin Mench.
But Kevin Federline? Who is he?
My Web search describes him as a dancer, model, actor, rapper and wrestler.
I don’t give a crap about dancers, models and rappers.
So what is this Kevin Feder-who's claim to fame as an actor?
Has he won any Academy Awards? Golden Globes? Emmys?
He was one of about 70 dancers in a 2004 movie called “You Got Served.�
That movie had some really big names -- like the famous J-Boog, Lil’ Fizz and Raz B.
Kevin Feder-who also once played a street hoodlum in an episode of CSI.
As a wrestler, they put him on an episode of WWE Raw last year and let him verbally and physically spar about with champion John Cena.
Damn, I missed that.
Finally, I figured it out.
Kevin Feder-who's claim to fame is he was married to Brittney Spears.
No, this wasn’t Brittney’s 55-hour husband, Kevin and Brittney were married two years, produced two kids and -- I have heard-- made one really great honeymoon video that will make Kevin lots of money after he gets shut out on the divorce settlement.
Truth is, before 2004 -- the year he married Brittney -- Kevin was a nobody.
The marriage made him a celebrity with everyone except old fogies like myself.
Now that he is out on his own, Kevin Spears -- I mean Kevin Feder-who -- is making commercials insulting the 12.8 million Americans who make a living in the restaurant business.
My daddy was a cook.
My mama was a waitress.
My son’s first job was washing dishes.
My daughter worked in and managed a fast-food business for 11 years.
Kevin Feder-who and the Nationwide Insurance company that hired him insulted the people I love most.
Nationwide says the only people it is making fun of is maybe Kevin.
But to me, it is insulting to be portrayed by a nobody like Kevin.
Now that he no longer has sugarmama, he needs the cash, but that doesn't excuse insulting burger-flippers all over American.
So, screw you, Kevin.
Not only am I not going to watch you idiotic commercial, I’m not even going to buy the video of your honeymoon night with Brittney.
Posted by at 8:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sometimes I'm an Oscar grouch
January 24, 2007The Oscar nominations are out, and for the first time that I can remember, I don’t have an opinion.
For some strange reason, I have not seen any of the nominees for best picture, best actor of best actress.
Seeing “The Departed,� “Little Miss Sunshine� and Will Smith in “Pursuit of Happiness� is on my to-do list, but I just haven’t gotten around to it.
But to tell you the truth, the Academy Awards usually just piss me off.
It all started 40 years ago when they didn’t even nominate “Cool Hand Luke.�
I admit 1967 was a really good year for movies.
“Bonnie and Clyde�
“The Graduate�
“In the Heat of the Night.�
And on most years “In the Heat of the Night’ would deserve the Oscar.
But over “Cool Hand Luke� -- quite possibly THE greatest movie of all time?
I don’t think so.
Paul Newman was nominated for best actor but got beat out by Rod Steiger.
At least George Kennedy did get the supporting actor Oscar for his outstanding role as Dragline in “Cool Hand Luke�
“The English Patient� the best movie of 1996.
It might have been the worst.
And “Shakespeare in Love� over “Saving Private Ryan� two years later?
You gotta be kidding.
Last year, though, I thought they got everything right but “best picture.�
Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a great “Capote� and Reese Witherspoon wowed us as June Carter Cash in “Walk the Line.�
But if “Crash� as best picture?
Not even close.
“Cinderella Man� got the shaft.
Maybe the snobby voters didn’t want to give the honor to a boxing movie two years in a row.
“Cool Hand Luke� is my all-time best picture.
Next comes “Blazing Saddles� which didn’t win anything back in 1974 although Madeline Kahn did get a nomination for her supporting role as Lili Von Shtupp.
Best actor goes to Dustin Hoffman in “Rain Man� in 1988. He actually won the Oscar that year. (Robert De Niro was also great in “Cape Fear� in 1991 but didn’t win.)
Best actress goes to Charlize Theron, for her unbelievable performance as prostitute/serial killer Aileen Wuornos.
Best everything goes to Robert Duvall, who wrote, directed and starred in “The Apostle� back in 1997.
Duvall’s movie got beaten out by “Titanic� and he lost best actor to Jack Nicholson for “As Good as It Gets.�
Bad timing for a great effort.
If you haven’t seen “The Apostle,� go rent it tonight.
If you have any “best� movie/actor/actress opinions, let’s hear them.
Posted by at 9:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Happy birthday to you; Happy birthday to you too
January 23, 2007Today is a special day in the lives of the two women I love the most.
My wife and daughter share the same birthday.
And that can be a problem.
Since I remarried again seven years ago, we have been a family.
More like the Manson Family.
But as of late most of the pissing and moaning has ended and for the most part, we seem to all get along. Or at least act like it.
Still, when Jan. 23 rolls around each year, I get stuck in the middle.
Wife or daughter?
Jenee’ or Christy?
The electric chair or lethal injection?
It has been a tradition in my family ever since the kids were little to go out to eat on family birthdays and let the birthday boy or girl choose where we go.
That can be a problem when there are two birthday girls.
And as hard as we have all tried, this two-for-one happy birthday party idea just doesn’t seem to work.
So this year I’m going to try something different.
It may work. It may flop.
My wife and I are going to meet my daughter and her friends at Wild Wings for a few beers.
Then Jenee’ and I will leave and go to the Bar-L to eat supper and drink red draws with a couple of good friends.
If that doesn’t work, I plan to spend Jan. 23, 2008 all by myself in Switzerland.
While I’m on the subject of birthdays, check this out:
The most famous person to share this birthday with my wife and daughter is Humphrey Bogart.
Bogey was born way back in 1899.
This date in history had two significant events -- three if you count Hulk Hogan whipping the Iron Sheik to win the WWF title in 1984.
First in 1973, President Nixon announced that an accord to end the Vietnam War had been reached.
Then in 1991, “Seinfeld� debuted on NBC.
Also on Jan. 23, 1953, the team that is now going to the Super Bowl left Dallas.
Yes, in case you didn’t know, the franchise started as the Dallas Texans, then became the Baltimore Colts and then became the Indianapolis Colts.
And the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame had its first induction ceremony on Jan. 23, 1986.
Check out this list of first-time inductees.
Elvis Presley.
Jerry Lee Lewis.
Buddy Holly
Chuck Berry.
James Brown.
Ray Charles.
Fats Domino.
Everly Brothers.
How would you like to have those guys all come to your birthday party?
Or I guess we could split them up if we had to.
Posted by at 8:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
The last Papa; You probably never knew him
January 22, 2007Denny Doherty died last Friday.
No big headlines. No big deal.
Most people have never heard of him.
But they have heard this:
“All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray.
I’ve been for a walk on a winter’s day.
I’d be safe and warm if I was in L.A.
California dreamin’ on such a winter’s day.�
Denny Doherty was the Papa you probably never knew.
Yeah, you all remember the fat one (Mama Cass).
And some of you remember the unhappy mama and papa (John and Michelle Phillips.)
But Denny Doherty?
The Papa you probably never heard of.
But I’m betting you’ve heard this:
“Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day.
Monday mornin’, sometimes it just turns out that way.
Oh, Monday mornin’ you gave me no warnin’ of what was to be
Oh Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me.�
John Phillips was the main songwriter for the Mamas and the Papas.
He died six years ago.
Cass Elliot, the most recognizable of the foursome, died way back in 1974. The story was the fat Mama choked to death eating a ham sandwich, but the official cause of her death is listed as heart attack.
That left just Michelle Phillips and Denny Doherty.
Michelle had some kind of acting career. She was in the movie “Dillinger� and was on the cast of the TV show “Knot’s Landing.� She has also had guest appearances on “Spin City� and “Star Trek, The Next Generation,� as well as a recurring role on “7th Heaven.�
Doherty once tried to reconstruct the Mamas and the Papas with two new mamas and one new papa. But it failed.
He did produce a Broadway show -- “Dream a Little Dream,� his perspective of the Mamas and Papas -- but you probably have never heard of it.
He also did a children’s television show, “Theodore Tugboat,� which you also probably haven’t heard of.
But I’ll bet you have heard this.
“I saw her again last night
And you know that I shouldn’t.
To string her along’s just not right.
If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t.
“But what can I do. I’m lonely too.
And it makes me feel so good to know
She’ll never leave me.�
The Mamas and the Papas were only together for about three years (1965-1968), but they produced music that will last forever.
They were products of the hippy lifestyle of the ’60s -- free love and lots of good drugs.
The “free love� proved to be the end of the group.
Denny Doherty started doing Michelle, and John finally caught them in the act.
It led to the end of their marriage and then the end of the group.
John kicked Michelle out, and a Jill Gibson became the new Mama.
Jill could sing Michelle’s part, but the fans wanted Michelle.
She came back to the group in 1966.
But the musical magic had sold 20 million albums was gone.
And now Denny Doherty is gone.
But you probably never hear of him.
Maybe you’ve heard this.
“Say ‘nighty night ‘and kiss me.
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me.
While I’m alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me. . .�
Posted by at 8:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Our 'Idol' comes home for karaoke night
January 19, 2007Just about 10 minutes after I wrote yesterdays’ blog, I realized who Anna Kearns was.
My favorite watering hole is Buffalo Wild Wings.
She used to be a waitress there.
How can I forget a 6-4 waitress?
I’m getting old, that’s how.
A couple of days ago, Anna Kearns was just a tall waitress.
Now she is a celebrity -- at least here in Hooterville Falls.
Good for her.
After being a winner on “American Idol� Wednesday night, Anna came back for karaoke night at Wild Wings on Thursday and was signing autographs and having her picture taken with patrons at the bar.
She even got up and sang a pretty nice “Killing Me Softly.�
And to Rose O'Donnell and the Times Record News editorial writer who took such a high, moral stand against "American Idol" for humiliating poor, dumb, ugly and untalented people -- get off of it.
It's entertainment.
You've probably got a 100 or more stations to turn to -- just switch the dial and leave us sickos alone.
Changing the subject, a friend sent me an Internet joke about Hooterville Falls that is now making the email circuit.
By now you have probably seen it. It’s a take-off on Jeff Foxworthy’s “you know you’re a redneck when. . .�
You know you are from Wichita Falls when . . .
There are 30 things after that, most of them pretty stupid, but there are a few funny ones that I will share with you here.
You know you are from Wichita Falls when
1. Meeting a celebrity means standing next in line to “Big Jim� at Luby’s.
2. During the season, your car trunk doubles as an oven.
3. You think the seasons are hot, damn hot, football and deer.
4. Seeing a camel in the middle of a cattle pasture is not odd.
5. You know what a red draw is -- and you know where it originated.
The Paper even got in on the joke.
You know you are from Wichita Falls when
The Times Record News covers local, national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for high school football.
Hey, we may all be a bit screwy, but I’m proud to be from Hooterville Falls.
I’m glad Anna Kearns is, too.
Posted by at 8:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Has anybody seen this 'giraffe?'
January 18, 2007Does anyone out there know Anna Kearns?
She was a contestant on “American Idol� last night, who, before her audition, said he was a waitress from Wichita Falls, Texas.
One Website (Reality TV Magazine) says she is from Wichita, Kansas, but we here in the Falls know about all that confusion.
A lot of airport baggage headed for Wichita Falls has ended up in Kansas.
And one president -- I believe FDR -- while on a campaign whistle-stop train tour came here and told everyone how happy he was “to be in Wichita, Kansas.�
Anyhow, I watched Idol last night and heard with my own ears Anna Kearns say she was from Wichita Falls, Texas.
The 20-year-old also said she had been in the Air Force for awhile but was discharged early because of a bad heart.
Now do you know her?
Well, if you have ever seen Anna Kearns, you would remember her.
She is a 6-4 black chick (“6-7 in heels.�)
Not many 6-4 black waitresses out there taking your chicken fried steak orders, huh?
When Simon Cowell first saw Anna at the Seattle audition, he said: “I think she’s the tallest girl I’ve seen in my life.�
After Anna sang a decent but unspectacular rendition of Aretha Franklin’s “Respect,� Randy Jackson said: “Actually I thought your voice was pretty good, a little loud, very loud, probably could tone it down. But it’s a little tall where she’s singing from. . .�
Anna was sent on to Hollywood by a 2-1 vote.
The “2� belonged to Paula Abdul and Jackson.
The “1� was Simon. He called her interesting, but old-fashioned and cabaret.
Then he remarked to Abdul and Jackson:
“You just put through a giraffe.�
Does anybody know this “giraffe?�
If so, let me know. (I am a good tipper.)
Posted by at 7:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
I lost my virginity on 'American Idol'
January 17, 2007It took me six years to give in, but I finally did.
(Please someone hum “America, America, God shed his grace on thee� a few times while I make this announcement.)
I am now a true red-white-and-blue American.
Together we stand -- I and all my brothers and sisters of all races and religions
Oh say, can we see.
From sea to shining sea.
Those purple majesties.
“OK,� you’re saying, “Cut the crap.�
“You’re too old to join the Army.
“You’re too broke to buy bonds.
“So, Nicky G, why are you sounding like Uncle Sam this morning?�
Because I lost my “American Idol� cherry last night.
I actually tuned in to the show that everyone else in America is watching.
“American Idol� seems to be a cross between professional wrestling and Jerry Springer.
You know it’s got to be mostly fake, but is just maybe a teeny weeny bit of it real?
Why in the world would you let some black guy dress up like Apollo Creed in “Rocky 4� and then come out and sing an Italian opera?
Or how about the guy who bought a cowboy hat in the toy department at Wal Mart and now thinks he’s Johnny Cash?
“I see that train a’coming. It’s coming round the bend.�
Then there was the pony-tailed chick with a passion for the Wizard of Oz singing her old god-awful rendition of the Cowardly Lion’s “If I were King of the Forest.�
Or the vocal teacher who couldn’t’ carry a tune?
How funny was the girl who came out and forgot the lines to her song and just kept bellowing out “Women and girls, they rule the world?�
My favorite of the night was the fat girl with the heavy duty eyeliner who just couldn’t believe it when they told her she sucked.
“But I’ve had 10 years of training I have a degree in vocal performance. I am the biggest fan of this show.�
You are big.
Goodbye.
There are two ways to get a “yes� vote on this show.
Seduce Simon. (Come on now, do you really think that hot Spanish chick had any talent?)
Wear a military uniform. The Naval officer and the Army Reservist wife whose husband is serving in Baghdad -- they could have both won with the fat girl’s voice.
Another thing, did they purposely put that double door there so most of these idiots would try to leave out the left one which was locked?
There is a lot of talk about Paula Abdul being drunk, but having been a virgin to this show for the last five years, I’m not experienced enough to comment.
I have never seen her sober.
Posted by at 9:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
"24" is back; our world is a better place
January 16, 2007After watching the first four hours of “24,� I have several questions.
(1.) How did Wayne Palmer get elected president?
Must have been the sympathy vote. Everybody loved his brother, David, and hated his weasel successor, Charles Logan.
But how smart is little brother?
First, he makes an agreement to give the Chinese a whole bunch of egg rolls to release Jack Bauer just so he can turn Jack over to a Muslim terrorist in order to kill another Muslim terrorist.
And then we learn that he is dealing with the wrong terrorist. When Jack tells him he screwed up, little brother Palmer ignores him and goes ahead with his plans to kill the wrong terrorist.
Then we learn the new president still has a screwy sister who he has appointed to run something called the Islamic American Alliance.
(2.) Jack kills Curtis to save a terrorist?
Yep, just when you think Jack may have turned into a big wussy, he shoots his good friend in the throat to save Hamri Al-Assad who, when he was the bad guy, beheaded a couple of Curtis’ Army buddies.
That may win Jack some new Islamic friends, but he’s not going to be popular guy with Jesse Jackson.
(3.) Will the real Muslim terrorists please stand up?
There are a whole lot of suspicious Muslims in this sixth season.
Tell me that Morris O’Brian over at CTU doesn’t look like a possible terrorist?
The agency could also be sleeping with an enemy in Milo Pressman.
Milo and Morris are always arguing. But is this just a front?
Heck, even the newest hot chick at CTU is named Nadia Yassir.
And this Walid character that works with the president’s sis at the IAA could certainly be a good pal of the season’s real bad guy, Abu Fayed.
(4.) Is Chloe sleeping with Morris?
I think it was season 5 that opened with Chloe in bed with a co-worker.
But now it looks like she has found another boyfriend, a guy whose character bio says was working as a shoe salesman in Beverly Hills before getting the job at CTU.
There was a hint in the first episode that Morris and Chloe may be having a little whoopee time outside work.
Strangely, both have the same last name -- O’Brian.
Are they secretly married?
Brother and sister?
Or is this all a big coincidence?
Whatever, I still think Chloe is hot.
Whatever, four hours down and 20 more great ones to go.
What are you opinions so far?
Posted by at 9:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Double your trouble, double your 'fun,' but live a happier life
January 11, 2007Remember two days ago when I was moaning about dealing with an insurance company.
Well, multiply that by 2.
Some woman runs into wife and totals her pickup back on Dec. 29.
Twelve days later, a guy runs a red light and wrecks me and my little red Mustang.
I spent last night, filing a claim on the phone with his insurance company while nurses and doctors in the hospital emergency room picked glass out of my head.
So today, we have one car at Big Daddy’s and a truck being assessed over at Gilmore’s.
But , instead of bitching about all that, I am going to take quite the opposite approach in this blog.
I want to share with you something I read this morning -- a list of 10 rules for happier living.
1. Give something away.
2. Do a kindness.
3. Give thanks always.
4. Work with vim and vigor.
5. Visit the elderly and learn from their experience.
6. Look intently into the face of a baby and marvel.
7. Laugh often -- it is life’s lubricant.
8. Pray to know God’s way.
9. Plan as though you will live forever -- you will.
10. Live as though today is your last day on earth.
You follow these rules and you will find rainbows in every storm.
Posted by at 8:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
The iPhonemate coming soon to a store near you
January 10, 2007My wife bought me an MP3 a few years ago.
I didn’t know what it is.
She gave it to somebody else.
I don’t know what an iPod is.
Don’t want to know.
And now we are getting the iPhone.
The geeks are getting off on this latest tech toy.
I would like to tell you what an iPhone is, but I don’t speak the same language as these people.
May you can figure out this explanation I found today.
“An all-new interface makes this slim rectangle completely button-free. The whole thing is a touchscreen. 4GB or 8GB of storage inside for your music. Cingular EDGE (no 3G service!) for your phone calls. Wi-Fi. It actually runs Apple’s OS X and can do all manner of “smart phone� tasks...which is either going to be very cool or extreme overkill for people who just wanted a phone that could also play music. How long will it be before we start getting emails with a “Sent from my Apple iPhone� tag at the bottom of them? (Yahoo! Mail is included on the device, by the way, along with all manner of internet capabilities.)
“Other features include a 2-megapixel camera and a standard iPod jack. It’s also crazy slim at under 12mm in thickness. Wanna watch a movie? Just flip it on its side and you have a nice widescreen display. No keyboard: A virtual one pops up when you need it. We’ll see how well that works over time.�
What I do understand about the iPhone is:
You can listen to music,
surf the Net,
send and get emails.
Take pictures.
Watch movies.
I don’t know what 4GB of 8GB is.
I haven’t a clue about 3G service.
I think I Wi-Fi is some form of wireless Internet.
OS X? You tell me.
But this is certainly not your grandma’s old black rotary dial telephone.
(I am so old I remember when the “princess� phone was hi-tech.)
Heck, who knows you might even be able to call somebody with a phone like this.
WOW!
I’m waiting for a phone that you can marry or just shack up with.
The IPhonemate.
For men, that would be one that washes your clothes, cleans your house, cooks you meals and makes love to you.
For women, it would be one that also mows the lawn and rubs your back and shoulders.
Guys can throw away their blow-up dolls and women can toss out their super duper vibrators.
Heck, who knows you might even be able to call somebody with a phone like this.
WOW!
Posted by at 8:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Don't try to hustle a hustler
January 9, 2007There’s an old saying we used to hear around the pool hall.
“Don’t try to hustle a hustler.�
For that reason, I have lived most of my life skeptical of everything and everyone.
That’s why it’s hard for me to deal with insurance claims.
A few weeks back, my wife had a bad wreck on Kell. The other driver was completely at fault, and there was an eyewitness to back that up.
My wife was shaken up a bit in the accident, but she was in much better shape than our truck.
It, to me, looked totaled, although the body shop now has the final say on that issue.
The other driver had good insurance. The Hartford Company is for sure a reputable company.
But being reputable doesn’t necessarily make you trustworthy.
It is the insurance company’s job to get out of this by paying as little as it has to.
It is my job to make sure we get what is coming to us.
A representative from Hartford called my wife last week to ask how she was feeling.
Not that he gave a rat’s ass, it was just to see how much all this was going to cost his company.
She has had some soreness in her back and shoulders, but so far nothing that we felt needed our doctor’s attention.
On the day the guy called, she was feeling pretty good, so when he told her Hartford was sending her a check for $750 to pay for any medical expenses we might have, she said OK.
I said No-K.
I have had friends who were involved in accidents and didn’t feel the real effects until five or six weeks later.
So I called the Hartford guy yesterday to tell him we weren’t fixing to sign off on this right now for $750. All I got was his voice mail, so I expect to hear from him today.
Now I’m one of those people who start screaming WHIPLASH after every wreck.
I’m not trying to screw the insurance company, but on the other hand, I don’t intend to be screwed by them either.
And $750 seems like they’re low-balling us.
So when the guy calls today, I plan on telling him if he wants to settle this right now and take one of those personal injury lawyers out of the picture, he can add one more zero to his offer.
We will sign off on this for $7,500.
If he agrees, good for me.
If not, then we can negotiate between $750 and $7,500.
I’m seeking you people’s opinion here.
What would be a fair settlement?
Posted by at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Happy birthday, Elvis
January 8, 2007Happy birthday, Elvis.
If you are really dead, rest in peace.
But if you are alive, you need to put 71 candles on this birthday cake.
Elvis at 72?
That means it was 50 years ago that he started his reign as King of Rock ’n Roll.
1956 was the year of Heartbreak Hotel and Hound Dog and Don’t Be Cruel.
It was the year of Elvis’ first movie, “Love Me Tender.�
The kids today see Elvis as some big fat doper sweating through an sequined white jump suit two sizes too small, wearing a scarf and singing crap like “In the Ghetto.�
When I visited Graceland for the first time back in the early ’90s, I was mesmerized by all the memories of the King. I got goose bumps standing in the Jungle Room.
My two kids -- ages 12 and 15 at the time -- just couldn’t’ understand what the big deal was.
They just couldn’t understand why the world loved this fat old guy.
But old Baby Boomers like me still remember the sideburns, the gyrating pelvis -- the cool rebel that changed music.
(I’m still pissed off at Ed Sullivan only showing Elvis from the waist up for fear of corrupting the youth of America and sending us all to Hell, even though Elvis sang the spiritual song “Peace In the Valley� on that Jan. 6, 1957 show TV show.)
There’s an Elvis song that relates to every puppy love romance I had as a kid.
All of us guys wanted to be Elvis, but there was only one kid in my school was really looked like him.
Gary Vick had the sideburns and the slicked back hair that he combed every two minutes. He looked like he had just come off the set of “Grease.�
And Gary was only 12 years old.
But all the girls at Austin Elementary loved him.
He was their Elvis.
It was tough for a short little guy with glasses to compete with that.
My Daddy -- as you might suspect -- hated Elvis.
He hated the sideburns, the pelvis and the music (even “Peace in the Valley.�)
It wasn’t until the Beatles showed up in 1964 that Daddy started liking Elvis.
The least of two evils, I guess.
The popularity of Elvis created a lot of Elvis wantabees.
Fabian. Frankie Avalon. Tommy Sands.
But there was only one Elvis.
Elvis made 31 movies
I saw them all.
My favorite was Viva Las Vegas with Ann Margaret.
My second favorite was Jailhouse Rock.
There were some real duds, though. Harum Scarum was the absolute worse.
My favorite Elvis song -- “Love Me.�
Some things you might not know about Elvis.
(1.) He had a twin brother named Jesse Garon who was stillborn.
(2.) Elvis’ parents went to a lot of trouble to have the double A removed from his middle name Aron. Still, that name is misspelled on his tombstone at Graceland.
(3.) There is a man who lives in the Yukon Territory who had legally adopted the name “Tagish� Elvis Presley. He dresses as Elvis and believes he is the reincarnation of Elvis.
(4.) There is a roadway in Canada named “Elvis Lives Lane� and a road on the outskirts of Las Vegas that is called “Elvis Alive Drive.�
Posted by at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
America did not want to let go
January 4, 2007Gerald Ford’s funeral, it seemed, lasted almost as long as his presidency.
But there was a good reason for that.
America did not want to let go.
We wanted to hold on to something that we once had and may never have again.
Although we never elected him to this country’s highest office, Ford was one of the greatest presidents in our history.
He wasn’t the smartest president we ever had.
He wasn’t the wittiest.
Or the purest.
Or the prettiest.
He wasn’t conservative.
Nor was he liberal.
Yes, he was a Republican --- but not too Republican.
He was the All-American boy that ever father wants his daughter to marry.
The college football player.
The soldier.
The patriot.
Gerald Ford was a good man.
A good father.
A good husband.
A good Christian.
So why did we not elect him president when we had the chance 30 years ago?
The Nixon pardon and the Republican label blurred our vision at the time.
We really didn’t’ know Gerald Ford back then.
Isn’t it funny how we don’t’ really appreciate the good things we have until we lose them?
Is there another Gerald Ford out there that we could put in the White House?
Would be recognize him (or her) if there were?
The sad answers to both of those questions are probably “no� and “no.�
That’s why America didn’t want to let go of this man.
In our lifetime, there may never be one like him.
Posted by at 8:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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