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Two sticky situations? Let's go for the hat trick

I have lived 60 years, 10 months and five days -- and not once in all that time have I ever had my ass glued to a toilet seat.
But I can certainly sympathize with Bob Dougherty.
He is 59 and it has allegedly happened to him twice in two years.

The first time was in a Home Depot in Louisville, Colo.
He went into a bathroom stall, did his thing and then couldn't stand up.
He said he thought he was having a heart attack.
I know chest pain, arm pain and shoulder pain can be the sign of a heart attack.
But an ass pain?
I'll have to ask Dr. Serrano about that.

Well, with his butt super-glued to the toilet, Bob does what anyone in that situation would do. He screams for help.
The employees hear him and ignore his pleas, probably figuring it's just another Republican announcing he's running for some office.

Dougherty said the incident has made his life one big pain in the ass.
He claims it has caused him post-traumatic stress disorder and diabetes.

To fix it, he and his lawyer are asking for $3 million.

I wouldn't give them 3 cents.

The main reason is that the very next year, Dougherty reportedly got his ass in another sticky situation at visitor's center bathroom in Nederland, Colo.

Dougherty now says the second incident never happened, but a former director of operations in Nederland says it did.

He said.
He said.

Extremely high glucose levels have kept Dougherty in the ICU of a Boulder Hospital for the last week.
Any nurse with a real sense of humor would go for the hat trick and super-glue his ass to a bed pan.

Posted by at 8:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)