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A letter to the editor from Jehova -- Jesus' big brother

God wrote a letter to the editor this week.

He called it the "fourth notice" of his second coming.
I wish I could tell you when he's coming again, but he is only giving interviews to the first five newspapers who reply to his letter.

Just missed out.
The Punkin Center Weekly Bugle called before I did.

What I can tell you about him is:
1. He does not own a computer. His six-page letter came snail mail.
2. He will never win the spelling bee. God spelled his name "Jehova."
3. His mother's name is Mary and his birthday is Oct. 20. That's going to really screw up Christmas. No longer will it be "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year," but instead "Merry Christmas and Happy Halloween."
4. He sent a picture of himself and God really looks like my friend Ruppert Rodriguez. Wish he had sent me some of his homemade tamales.
5. His New World Order is called "The Magical Kingdom." That could wind up in a Disney vs. God lawsuit.

He writes: "This serves as a proper introduction to me, Jesus Christ, Father of Man. I am Big Brother to Jesus Christ, Son of Man."
Jesus' big brother?
Does that men the holy trinity is now a holy quartet?

Jehova provided an earthly name and address, but I will not print it here.
I will tell you God is an Okie.
And GPC cigarettes are a sign that what he has to say is true.
"They are my initials," he said.

Sounds to me like Jehova may be smoking something stronger than GPCs.

Posted by Nick Gholson at 8:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)